what do you call a packy falling off a cliff. “chocolate drops”
Author: admin
McDonalds
McDonalds has a new sandwich.
It’s a dill pickle rolled in dough and deep fried.
They call it a McDildo.
100%
We have all been to those meetings where someone
wants over 100 percent.
How
about achieving 103 percent? Here’s a little math
that might prove helpful
in the future. What makes life 100 percent?
If A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X
Y Z
can be represented as:
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20
21 22 23 24 25 26
Then,
H A R D W O R K
8 1 18 4 23 15 18 11 = 98% only
K N O W L E D G E
11 14 15 23 12 5 4 7 5 = 96% only
But,
A T T I T U D E
1 20 20 9 20 21 4 5 = 100 %
However,
B U L L S H I T
2 21 12 12 19 8 9 20 = 103%
It stands to reason that hardwork and knowledge
will get you close, but
attitude and bullshit will put you over the top!
Nasty Poems
Roses are red,
Pickles are green
I love your legs
and whats between
Kissing is a habit
Fucking is a game
Guys get all the pleasure
Girls get all the pain
The guy says i love you
You belive its true
But when your tummy
starts to swell,
He says ‘to hell with you’
10 minutes of pleasure
9 monthes in pain
3 days in hospital
A baby without a name
The baby is a bastard
The mother is a whore
This never would have happened
If the rubber wouldnt have torn
Roses are red,
Violets are corny,
When i think of you
Ohh baby i get horny,
Eat me,
Beat me,
Bite me,
Blow me,
Suck me,
Fuck me,
Very slowly,
if you kiss me,
dont be sassy,
Use your tongue and make it nasty!!!!
One day a priest and a nun went golfing.
One day a priest and a nun went golfing. The first hole the priest missed an
extremely easy put. He shouted, “Damn, missed again.” The nun, shocked, warned
him “God will get you for that.”
The next hole the same thing occurred. After the priest screamed “Damn It!
Missed again” the nun repeated her warning “God will get you for that!”
On the third hole, the priest again missed, and cursed, but before the nun
could repeat her warning, a bolt of lightning came down from the heavens and
struck the nun dead.
A deep voice from the clouds boomed out “Damn It! Missed again!”
the war on, um, drugs…
A Colorado Springs, Colo., school district says it did the right thing when it suspended 6-year-old Seamus Morris under the school’s zero-tolerance drug policy. The drug? Lemon drops. Taylor Elementary School administrators called an ambulance after a teacher saw the boy give another student some candy, which was a brand teachers didn’t recognize. ‘It was not something you would purchase in a grocery store,’ a district spokesman said. ‘It was from a health-food store.’ A spokesman for St. Claire’s Lemon Tarts, however, noted that the candy is indeed sold in Colorado’s largest grocery store chain. School officials were not impressed, and not only upheld the half-day suspension, but told the boy’s mother that a child who brings candy to school is comparable to a teen who takes a gun to school. (UPI)
crossing the road
Why did the blonde cross the road?I don’t know.Neither did he.
Yo Mama Laundromat
The only difference between your mama and a washing machine is, after you drop
a load in the washing machine, it doesn’t follow you around!
Clinton one-liner
Bill Clinton. The perfect thing if pro wrestling is too complicated for you.
The Grinch and His Drugs
The Grinch stole their papers, their bongs, and their pipes
then he looked round the room for some reefers to swipe
He crawled up the chimney, and scurried away
leaving only seeds and ashes on their tray.
The cause of arthritis…
A man who smelled like a distillery flopped on a subway seat next to a priest. The man’s tie was stained, his face was plastered with red lipstick, and a half empty bottle of gin was sticking out of his torn coat pocket.
He opened his newspaper and began reading. After a few minutes the disheveled guy turned to the priest and asked, “Say, Father, what causes arthritis?”
“Mister, it’s caused by loose living, being with cheap, wicked women, too much alcohol, and a contempt for your fellow man.”
“Well, I’ll be damned,” the drunk muttered, returning to his paper.
The priest, thinking about what he had said, nudged the man and apologized. “I’m very sorry, I didn’t mean to come on so strong. How long have you had arthritis?”
“I don’t have it, Father. I was just reading here that the Pope does.”
Map
Bill Clinton was walking on the beach and he saw a magic lamp.
He picked it up and rubbed it, a genie popped out.
The genie said, “You’ve freed me from my captivity, you get one wish.”
Clinton said, “Okay,” he reached into his pocket and pulled out a map of the world.
He asked the genie for world peace. The genie said, “Are you kidding, I’m only a G2, only a G1 can do something like that.
If I tried to do that it would take all my powers. Make another wish.”
Clinton said, “Okay,” and proceded to look through his wallet. He pulled out a picture of his daughter and said, “Make my daughter beautiful.”
The genie looked at the picture and said, “Let me see that map again.”
Submitted by curtis
edited by calamjo, Tantilazing and yisman