Turkey Shot Out of the Oven…

Turkey Shot Out of the Oven…

The turkey shot out of the oven
The turkey shot out of the oven
And rocketed into the air,
It knocked every plate off the table
And partly demolished a chair.
It ricocheted into a corner
And burst with a deafening boom,
Then splattered all over the kitchen,
Completely obscuring the room.
It stuck to the walls and the windows,
It totally coated the floor,
There was turkey attached to the ceiling,
Where there’d never been turkey before.
It blanketed every appliance,
It smeared every saucer and bowl,
There wasn’t a way I could stop it,
That turkey was out of control.
I scraped and I scrubbed with displeasure,
And thought with chagrin as I mopped,
That I’d never again stuff a turkey
With popcorn that hadn’t been popped.

Taking the Genera’s Temprature

The general was confined to the military hospital for treatment of a minor malady. For almost a week he made a complete nuisance of himself, irritating both staff and the other patients, demanding attention and expecting his every order to be followed immediately. He was in a six-man ward rather than a private room, his meals were too cold or not served to suit his taste, the light needed to be adjusted to his demands, the nighttime activities interfered with his rest and on, and on.One afternoon an orderly entered the room. “Time to take your temperature, General.” After growling at the orderly, the general opened his mouth to accept the thermometer. “Sorry, General, but for this test we need your temperature from the other end.” A whole new barrage of verbal abuse followed, but the orderly was insistent that a rectal temperature was what the test called for. The general at last rolled over, bared his rear, and allowed the orderly to proceed. The orderly then told the general, “Stay exactly like that and don`t move. I’ll be back in five minutes to check up on you,” and withdrew.An hour later, the head nurse entered the room, saw the general with his bare rear in the air and gasped, “What’s going on here?””Haven’t you ever seen someone having their temperature taken?” the general barked.”Yes I have, General, but with a daffodil?”

Where do you live?

Ida Mae passed away and Bubba called 911.

The 911 operator told Bubba that she would send someone out right away.

“Where do you live?” asked the operator.

Bubba replied, “At the end of Eucalyptus Drive.”

The operator asked, “Can you spell that for me?”

After a long pause, Bubba said, “How ’bout I drag her over to Oak Street and you pick her up there?”

Edited by Calamjo and Curtis

3 Men In a Sauna

There were three men in sauna. Their names were Tom, Matt, and Seb. They suddenly heard a bleeping sound and it turned out that Tom had a Pager Chip in his head. Matt and SEb thought that was cool. after 10 minutes they heard a ringing sound.It turned out that Matt had a Telephone chip in his wrist. Tom and Seb thought that was cool. Seb was quite embarassed because he had nothing to show Matt and Tom that he thought would be cool enough. So he got out and went to the toilet. When he came back he had a long peice of toilet paper hanging out his bum with scribbles on it. When Tom and Matt asked him wat that was, he said that he was recieving mail!

Se estaba haciendo una competencia

Se estaba haciendo una competencia para ver qui�n ten�a el chorizo m�s grande.

Llega la competencia y estaban midiendo: el ingl�s lo ten�a de 14 cm; el holand�s lo ten�a de 16 cm. Llega el venezolano y tiene 18 cm. El venezolano estaba loco de alegr�a, cuando en eso llega un africano diciendo que lo ten�a de 23 cm. Entonces, el venezolano acota:

“Este concurso es de chorizos, no de morcillas”.

Hydrogen

President Bush paid a visit to a hydrogen fueling station.

He said that hydrogen will provide the power for our automobiles in the future.

You know I’m not sure president Bush really understands hydrogen.

Like he kept trying to take a hit off the pump to see if it would make him talk funny.

-Jay Leno