Author: admin

In the 80’s, a [local]

Posted on by admin

In the 80’s, a [local] radio station had a couple of DJs who claimed
the stealth fighter had landed at the Mt. Joy airport in Mt. Joy,
Iowa. This is used mainly by the weekend warriors, and once a year
it’s used for an air show. The authorities were notified after an
estimated 10,000 people came to the airport. They asked the
people why they were out there, and they were given the story about
the stealth fighter.

The authorities then called the FBI, who talked to the FAA, who
called the FBI back. The two DJs got yanked off the air and
suspended for two weeks — but not before some people at the
airport, armed with cell phones, called into the station, got put on
the air, and said that they couldn’t see the thing. The DJs replied
that it was proof the technology worked.

To top it all off: the DJs said the only way that you could see
the plane was to move your head back and fourth — like a chicken
when it walks — and try to catch a glimpse out of the corner of
your eye. They stated that if you looked right at it, you would
never see it. This was believed and a majority of the people were
doing just this when the police arrived!

Locking For A Dentist

Posted on by admin

A dinner speaker was in such a hurry to get to his engagement that when he arrived and sat down at the head table, he suddenly realized that he had forgotten his false teeth.

Turning to the man next to him he said, “I forgot my teeth.” The man said, “No problem.” With that he reached into his pocket and pulled out a pair of false teeth. “Try these,” he said.

The speaker tried them. “Too loose,” he said. The man then said, “I have another pair…try these.” The speaker tried them and responded, “Too tight.” The man was not taken back at all. He then said, “I have one more pair of false teeth…try them.”

The speaker said, “They fit perfectly.” With that he ate his meal and gave his address. After the dinner meeting was over, the speaker went over to thank the man who had helped him. “I want to thank you for coming to my aid. Where is your office? I’ve been looking for a good dentist.”

The man replied, “I’m not a dentist. I’m the local undertaker.”

Knock Knock 182

Posted on by admin

Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Tyrone!
Tyrone who?
Tyrone shoelaces!

Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Tyson!
Tyson who?
Tyson of this on for size!

Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Uganda!
Uganda who?
Uganda get away with this!

Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Uriah!
Uriah who?
Keep Uriah on the ball!

Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Uruguay!
Uruguay who?
You go Uruguay and I’ll go mine!

Flamer Form

Posted on by admin

Are you a flamer? This handy dandy form will save you some time in writing
your flame to that special someone.

Begin flame:

Dear:
[ ] Clueless Newbie [ ] Lamer [ ] Retard
[ ] Me too’er [ ] Pervert [ ] Loser
[ ] Spammer [ ] Nerd [ ] Elvis
[ ] Fed [ ] Freak [ ] Flamebait
[ ] Other (please specify): _______________

You Are Being Flamed Because:
[ ] You sent me a stupid chain letter
[ ] You posted a message concerning a pyramid scheme
[ ] You posted a “test” in a news group other than alt.test
[ ] You posted something asking for warez sites
[ ] You quoted an ENTIRE post in your reply
[ ] You continued a long, stupid thread
[ ] You posted something completely off-topic
[ ] You started an off-topic thread
[ ] You posted a “YOU ALL SUCK” message
[ ] You said “me too” to something
[ ] You don’t know which group to post in
[ ] You suck
[ ] You brag about things that never happened
[ ] Your sig/alias/server sucks
[ ] You made up slang then used it in a message
[ ] You posted a phone-sex ad
[ ] I don’t like your tone of voice
[ ] I think you might be a fed

To Repent, You Must:
[ ] Shout “GO RIDE” a thousand times in a packed bus terminal
[ ] “Upgrade” to Windows 95
[ ] Give up your E-mail account
[ ] Bust up your modem with a hammer and eat it
[ ] Jump into a bathtub while holding your monitor
[ ] Actually post something relevant
[ ] Read the FAQ
[ ] Be the guest of honor in alt.flame for a month
[ ] Post your tests to alt.test
[ ] Removing yourself from the net (you are hopeless)
[ ] Removing yourself from existence (you are really hopeless)

In Closing, I’d Like to Say:
[ ] Blow me
[ ] Get a life
[ ] Never post again
[ ] I pity your dog
[ ] Go to hell
[ ] Yer momma’s so fat/stupid/ugly that etc….
[ ] Take your crap somewhere else
[ ] Learn to post or get off
[ ] Do us all a favor and jump into some industrial equipment
[ ] See how far your tongue will fit into the electric outlet
[ ] All of the above

End flame.