Author: admin

Dunnadunnalunnalunna batman!!!

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Ok. This kid has to learn the first two letters of th alphabet so goes to his little brother who was watching batman so the kid asks “little bro what’s the first letter of the alphabet?”” and his brother sings “”dunnadunnalunnalunna BATMAN!!!”” and then the kid goes to his other friend and says “”what’s the second letter of the alphabet?”” and his friend says “”dunnadunnalunnalunna FATMAN!!!”” so the next day the kid goes to school and says “”the first letter of the alphabet is dunnadunnalunnalunna BATMAN!!!”” and his teacher tells him to go to the princeable. and at the princeable’s office the princeable asks “”who do you think I AM???!!!”” and the kid sings out “”DUNNADUNNALUNNALUNNA FATMAN!!!””

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Daily Bread

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A guy from Tyson Foods arranged a visit with the Pope. After receiving the papal blessing he whispered, “Your Eminence, we have a deal for you. If you change The Lord’s Prayer from ‘Give us this day our daily bread…’ to ‘Give us this day our daily chicken…’ then we will donate $500 million dollars to the Church”.

The Pope responds saying, “That is impossible. The Prayer is the Word of the Lord and it must not be changed.”

“Well,” says the Tyson man, “We are prepared to donate one billion dollars to the Church if you change the Lord’s Prayer from ‘Give us this day our daily bread…’ to ‘Give us this day our daily chicken…”

Again the Pope replies “That is impossible. The Prayer is the Word of the Lord and it must not be changed.”

Finally, the Tyson guy says, “This is our last offer. We will donate five billion dollars to the church if you change the Lord’s Prayer from ‘Give us this day our daily bread…’ to ‘Give us this day our daily chicken…'” and he leaves.

The next day the Pope meets with the College of Cardinals to say that he has good news and some bad news.

“The good news is that the Church has just received a donation of five billion dollars.”

“The bad news is that we are losing The Wonderbread Account!”

Hell must be better

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A girl is standing at The Gates Of Heaven when she hears horrible screams of pain and torture coming from inside.

She says to St. Peter, “What’s going on?”

He says, “That’s the sound of new angels getting big holes drilled into their backs for their wings, and small holes drilled into their heads for their halos.”

She says, “Heaven sounds terrible. I think maybe I’d rather go to Hell.”

St. Peter says, “In Hell, you’ll be constantly raped and sodomized.”

She says, “That’s okay, I’ve already got holes for that.”

Submitted by Calamjo
Edited by Curtis

One day a man walked into a bar to get a drink….

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One day a man walked into a bar to get a drink. He saw a pot of money sitting on the bar. He asked what the pot was for. The bartender said, If you can make that horse out side laugh you win the pot. The man said, how much is it to play. The bartender said 10 bucks. The man threw in his 10 bucks went outside. a few minuts later the bartender heard the horse burst out laughing. The man went in the bar to collect his money.
About a year later the man walked back into the same bar and saw another pot of money sitting there. He asked the bartender what the money was for now. the bartender said that if you can make the horse cry you can win the pot of money. So the guy went out side and a few minutes later the bartender heard the horse start to cry.
The guy came back in and the bartender asked him how he made the horse laugh and cry. The guy said I made him laugh by telling him I had a bigger dick. I make him cry by proving it.

Burglary defence

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A lawyer defending a man accused of burglary tried this creative defense:
“My client merely inserted his arm into the window and removed a few trifling articles. His arm is not himself, and I fail to see how you can punish the whole individual for an offense committed by his limb.”

“Well put,” the judge replied. “Using your logic, I sentence the defendant’s arm to one year’s imprisonment. He can accompany it or not, as he chooses.”

The defendant smiled. With his lawyer’s assistance he detached his artificial limb, laid it on the bench, and walked out.

You got Mail!

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One day A Blonde girl was running out to check her mail and a neighbor was watching. 5 minutes later she checked it again this happened all through the day till the neighbor went outside and stopped her and asked her why she kept looking in her mail box and her reply was.

“My computer keeps telling me I have mail!”