- Parkinson’s Law of Avionics
- No matter how big the airplane, the electronics
expands to fill the entire airplane, and then stick outside a bunch.
Author: admin
Knock Knock 112
Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Kyoto!
Kyoto who?
Kyoto jail, do not pass go, do not collect $200!
Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Laos!
Laos who?
Laos and found!
Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Lauren!
Lauren who?
Lauren order!
Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Laverne!
Laverne who?
Laverne of catastrophe!
Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Leaf!
Leaf who?
Leaf me alone!
Give Me An Ear!
This man is waiting for his wife to deliver his first child. When the doctor comes out of the operating room, he comes up to him and asks to see his wife and baby.
Doctor: I have something to tell you… Your baby has got no legs…
Father: Oh… I guess it’s still my son. Let me see it.
Doctor: He’s got no arms either…
Father: That bad, uh? I have to see it!
Doctor: And he’s got no trunk either… No head… Actually, it’s only an ear…
Father: … He’s still my son, take me to him now.
Then they go in a sterile room where a nurse carries in a cradle with a huge ear in it.
Father: My son!!! Flesh of my flesh!!! Blood of my blood!!!
Doctor: Louder…he’s deaf too!!!
Some dirty Battle of the Sexes Riddles
Why aren’t chick’s farts nearly as loud as men’s? Because they don’t stop talking long enough to build up any back pressure.How is a woman like a cop car? They both make lots of noise to let you know they are coming.What did Adam say when he woke up and found that a rib was missing? Whew, something smells fishy around here.Why do women get P.M.S.? Because mad cow disease was already taken.Why did god put men on earth? Because a vibrator can’t mow the lawn.
Earring
This man is at work one day when he notices that his male co-worker is wearing an earring.
This man knows his co-worker to be a normally conservative fellow, and is curious about his sudden change in “fashion sense.”
“Yo, Bob, I didn’t know you were into earrings.”
“Oh, yeah, sure,” says Bob sheepishly.
“Really? How long have you been wearing one?”
“Ever since my wife found it in our bed.”
Submitted by Clark Kent
Edited by Curtis
Q. How do you kill a blonde?…
Q. How do you kill a blonde?
A. Put a mirror at the bottom of a swimming pool.
Professor’s Logic
A college student was in a philosophy class which had a discussion about God’s existence. The professor presented the following logic: “Has anyone in this class heard God?”
Nobody spoke.
“Has anyone in this class touched God?”
Again, nobody spoke. “Has anyone in this class seen God?”
When nobody spoke for the third time, he simply stated, “Then there is no God.”
One student thought for a second, and then asked for permission to reply. Curious to hear this bold student’s response, the professor granted it, and the student stood up and asked the following questions of his classmates: “Has anyone in this class heard our professor’s brain?”
Silence.
“Has anyone in this class touched our professor’s brain?”
silence.
“Has anyone in this class seen our professor’s brain?”
When nobody in the class dared to speak, the student concluded, “Then, according to our professor’s logic, it must be true that our professor has no brain!”
A Roll Of The Dice
Two bored casino dealers were waiting at the craps tables for players when a gorgeous blonde lady wearing a huge fur coat walked in and asked if she could bet twenty thousand dollars on a single roll of the dice.
The dealers said yes and were happy to oblige.
She then said, “I hope you don’t mind, but I’ll feel much luckier if I take off my coat.” With that, she took off her coat and was wearing a skin-tight Wonder-woman outfit!
The men looked her up and down as she leaned over the table, rolled the dice, and yelled, “Come on baby, come on!”
She then jumped up and down, hugging each of the casino dealers while yelling “YES, I WIN! I CAN’T BELIEVE IT, I WIN!!” With that, she picked up her winnings and quickly left.
The dealers stood there staring at each other dumbfounded, until one finally asked the other, “What the heck did she roll anyway?”
The second dealer answered, “I don’t know. I thought you were paying attention!”
Mom’s Right
The little boy said, “I just got a brand new Nintendo.” The little girl said, “Oh yea? I just got a brand new PlayStation 2.”
The little boy said, “Oh yea, well I just got a brand new BMX.” The little girl said, “Oh yea, well I just got a brand new 18 speed mountain bike.”
The little boy said, “Oh yea, well my dad just got a brand new Ford Escort.” The little girl said, “Oh yea, well my dad just got a brand new Jaguar.”
Then the little boy unzips his fly and pulls out his thing and said, “Oh yea, well I have one of these and you don’t!”
The little girl then lifts up her dress and says, “Oh yea, well I have one of these, and my mommy says with one of these I can get as many of those as I want.
When you drive you put
When you drive you put your life in your foot’s hands.
Deaf Mute Parents
A young guy out on the town with his mates spies the girl of his dreams across the dance floor. Having admired her from afar he plucks up the courage to talk to her. Everything goes better than expected and she agrees to accompany him on a date the following Saturday evening.
Saturday night arrives and the man arrives at her house laden with flowers and chocolates. To his amazement she answers the door in nothing but a towel.
“I’m sorry,” she exclaims, “I am running a bit late. Please come in and I’ll introduce you to my parents who will entertain you while I finish getting dressed. I should warn you however, that they are both deaf mutes.”
With this she ushers him into the living room, introduces him to her parents and promptly disappears. As you can imagine this is a little uncomfortable as both parents are completely silent. Dad is sitting in his arm chair watching the soccer game, and Mom is busy knitting. After about ten minutes of complete silence, Mom suddenly jumps from her chair, pulls up her skirt pulls down her knickers and pours a glass of water over her arse.
Just as suddenly Dad launches himself across the room bends her over the couch and takes her from behind. He then sits back down in his chair and places a match stick under each eye lid. The room is plunged back into eerie silence and the young man is shocked into disbelief. After a further ten minutes the mother again rises from her chair, pulls up her skirt, pulls down her pants and throws another glass of water over her arse. Dad leaps up gives her one from behind and places two more match sticks under his eyelids. No sooner have they concluded this strange behaviour and the daughter returns fully dressed ready for their date.
The evening is a complete disaster with the young man completely distracted by the goings on in the living room. At the end of the evening the girl asks, “What’s the matter? Have I done something wrong?”
“It’s not you,” replied her date, “It’s just that the strangest thing happened while I was waiting for you and I am still a bit shocked.”
After pleading with him to explain in more detail the young man reluctantly recounts the story. ‘Well, first your Mother jumps from her chair and lifts up her skirt. She then pulls down her pants and throws a glass of water over her behind.”
“I see,” says the girl, “What happened then?”
“Well, if that isn’t enough your Father races from his chair leans Mom over the couch and does her from behind. He then sits back down and places a match stick under each eye lid.’
“Oh, is that all?” replies the girl.
The young man can’t believe the casual response to this weird practice. “It’s easily explained. Mom was simply saying, ‘Are you going to get this asshole a drink?’ and Dad was replying, ‘No, fuck him. I’m watching the match.'”
Manual for President
Ever hear of the redneck who thought that “Manual Labor” was the new Mexican President?
Submitted by Curtis
Edited by Glaci