Author: admin

I always love the “Doc Smith” approach to mathematics, where Our Hero glances at an equation (sorry, “formula”), and instantly says “of course…!”My experience is usually more like “I don’t know what on earth that means” … scribble, scribble, scribble …”Oh, yes, but what a weird way of writing it” … scribble, scribble, scribble …”now *this* should be a much clearer way” … scribble, scribble, scribble …”oh, it’s identical to what I started with. But *now* I understand it.” I can’t *read* maths, I can only write it :-)A colleague of mine put it better: “mathematics is not a spectator sport”.

Un tipo entra a un bar del centro y revisa la lista de precios:

S�ndwich de queso:………………………..$16.00
S�ndwich de pollo:………………………….$18.00
S�ndwich de jam�n:………………………..$18.00
Masturbaci�n:…………………………………$500.00

Revisa entonces su billetera, retira el dinero y se acerca a la barra. Le atiende una de las tres bellas chicas que est�n sirviendo tragos a un grupo de hombres en la barra.

“�S�?”, pregunta ella con una sensual sonrisa, “�puedo servirle en algo?”

“�T� realizas las masturbaciones?”

“Si, soy yo”, responde ella con una voz baja y extremadamente sexy.

“Entonces l�vate muy bien las manos y s�rveme un s�ndwich de queso.

If a dog were your teacher, you would learn valuable lessons, like:

1. When loved ones come home, always run to greet them.

2. Never pass up the opportunity to go for a car ride.

3. The experience of fresh air and the wind in your face would be pure ecstasy.

4. As you enjoy the wind in your face, do not restrict your capacity to drool.

5. When it’s in your best interest – practice obedience.

6. Let others know when they’ve invaded your territory.

7. Take naps and stretch before rising.

8. Run, romp, and play daily, if not by the minute.

9. Thrive on attention and let people touch you.

10. Avoid biting, when a simple growl will do.

11. On warm days, stop to lie on your back on the cool grass.

12. On hot days, drink lots of water and lay under a tree.

13. When you take a drink of water, find a human to drip on.

14. When you’re happy, dance around and wag your entire body.

15. No matter how often or severely you’re scolded, don’t feel guilty and pout… run right back and make friends.

16. Delight in the simple joys of a long walk.

17. Eat with gusto and enthusiasm. Don’t stop when you’ve had enough.

18. Be loyal.

19. Tolerate cats – humans love that.

20. If what you want lies buried, dig until you find it, where ever that leads you.

21. When a person is having a bad day, be silent, sit close by, and nuzzle them gently.

A nun and a priest were traveling across the desert and realized halfway
across that the camel they were using for transportation was about to die. They
set up a make-shift camp, hoping someone would come to their rescue, but to no
avail. Soon the camel died.

After several days of not being rescued, they agreed that they were not going
to be rescued. They prayed a lot (of course), and they discussed their
predicament in great depth. Finally the priest said to the nun, “you know
sister, I am about to die, and there’s always been one thing I’ve wanted here on
earth–to see a woman naked. Would you mind taking off your clothes so I can
look at you?”

The nun thought about his request for several seconds and then agreed to take
off her clothes. As she was doing so, she remarked, “Well, Father, now that I
think about it, I’ve never seen a man naked, either. Would you mind taking off
your clothes, too?”

With little hesitation, the priest also stripped. Suddenly the nun exclaimed,
“Father! What is that little thing hanging between your legs?”

The priest patiently answered, “That, my child, is a gift from God. If I put
it in you, it creates a new life.”

“Well,” responded the nun, “forget about me. Stick it in the camel!”

A man goes to the confessional and begins “Forgive me Father, for I have sinned.”

“What is your sin, my son?” the priest asks back.”Well,” the man starts, “I used some horrible language this week and I feel absolutely terrible.” “When did you use this awful language?” asks the priest.

“I was golfing and hit an incredible drive that looked like it was going to go over 250 yards, but it struck a phone line that was hanging over the fairway and fell straight down to the ground after going only about 100 yards.”

“Is that when you swore?” “No, Father,” says the man.

“After that, a squirrel ran out of the bushes and grabbed my ball in his mouth and began to run away.”

“Is THAT when you swore?” asks the Father again. “Well, no,” says the man.

“You see, as the squirrel was running, an eagle came down out of the sky, grabbed the squirrel in his talons and began to fly away!”

“Is THAT when you swore?” asks the amazed Priest. “No, not yet,” the man replies.

“As the eagle carried the squirrel away in his claws, it flew toward the green. As it passed over a a bit of forest near the green, the squirrel dropped my ball.”

“Did you swear THEN?” asks the now impatient Priest.

“No, because as the ball fell it struck a tree, bounced through some bushes, careened off a big rock, and rolled through a sand trap onto the green and stopped within six inches of the hole.”

The Priest sighs, “You missed the putt, didn’t you?!?”

What’s the difference between a tire and 365 used condoms?

–One is a Goodyear and one is a great year