There were three birds – a mama bird, a papa bird and a baby bird.One day they were trying to figure out which way to fly for the winter.Mama bird says “My instincts tell me to fly south for the winter.”Papa bird says “Well, my instincts tell me to fly north for the winter.”Then baby bird says “Well, my ins stinks too, but they don’t tell me where to go!” ~*princess*~
Author: admin
How many sorority girls…
How many sorority girls does it take to change a tire?
Two – One to call daddy and the other to make a t-shirt about the event.
FOOTBALL IQ
A football coach walked into the locker room before a game, looked over to his
star player and said, “I’m not supposed to let you play since you failed math,
but we need you in there. So what I have to do is ask you a math question and if
you get it right, you can play.”
The player agreed, and the coach looked into his eyes intently and asks,
“Okay, now concentrate…what is two plus two?”
The player thought for a moment and then he answered, “Four?”
“Four?!?” the coach exclaimed, excited that he got it right.
At that, all the other players on the team began screaming, “Come on coach,
give him another chance!”
A woman rushed into the supermarket to pick…
A woman rushed into the supermarket to pick up a few items. She headed for the express line where the clerk was talking on the phone with his back turned to her.”Excuse me,” she said, “I’m in a hurry. Could you check me out, please?”The clerk turned, looked her up and down, and smiled, “Not bad.”
You wake up with chocolate
You wake up with chocolate in your ears after spending the night in a fine hotel.Your neighbor spits grass when he talks.In the delivery room, your husband says,”That’s worse than skinning a deer!”
Va uno borracho por la
Va uno borracho por la autopista y le para un hombre vestido de azul, haciendo gestos.
“Soy el maric�n de la capa azul, dame la cartera y la cadena de oro o te peto el culo.”
Y el borracho le da todo el dinero y sus joyas; y continua su camino maldiciendo “cag�n la madre que lo pari�, el mariconaso este de mierda…”
A esto que uno vestido de rojo se le planta delante haciendo gestos, y este para…
“Soy el maric�n de la capa roja, dame el radiocassette, y los altavoces o te follo el culo.”
Le da el loro y los altavoces, y se marcha “ser� hijoputa el maric�n de la capa roja, que me ha dejao sin m�sica…”
Haciendo “eses” llega donde hay uno vestido totalmente de verde. El borracho ya indignado para y le dice:
“Bueno, qu�, el maric�n de la capa verde… �qu� cojones quieres t�?”
“Guardia Civil, salga del coche con los papeles en la boca.”
Prison Blondes
Three women escaped from prison. One was a redhead, one a brunette, and one a blonde. They ran for miles until they came upon an old barn where they decided to hide in the hayloft and rest. When they climbed up, they found three large gunnysacks and decided to climb into them for camouflage.
About an hour later the sheriff and his deputy came into the barn. The sheriff told his deputy to go up and check out the hayloft. When he got up there the sheriff asked him what he saw and the deputy yelled back, “Just three gunnysacks.”
The sheriff told him to find out what was in them, so the deputy kicked the first sack, which had the redhead in it. She went, “Bow-wow”, so the deputy told the sheriff there was a dog in it.
Then he kicked the sack with the brunette in it. She went, “Meow”, so the deputy told the sheriff there was a cat in it.
Then he kicked the one with the blonde in it, and there was no sound at all. So he kicked it again, and finally the blonde said, “Potatoes”.
The teacher
One day, it was actually the first day of school and there teacher could not make it so a sub was asigned the job. And this sub just happened to be a blonde. The sub was mad because she had the craving to rip off her boyfriends head off for cheating on her. So in the heat of the momment the teacher said everyone who wants to fuck me please stand up and all the boys stood up then the teacher had relized what she had said but she really needed this so one by one the a boy was called in the closet and was fucked. At the end of the day the teacher said every boy who is happy please stand up and they all stood up the next day there actual teacher came back the boys waited for the question when ther questiopn did not come up a boy stood up in the middle of the class and said treacher when are you goiung to fuck us.
The lady and her house
A lady went to bed and turned out all the lights. Later she awoke and heard
a crash, instantly she died of shock. What kind of house did she live in?
A LIGHTHOUSE!!!
Blonde in a Swimming Race
A blonde, brunette and a redhead had a breaststroke swimming race across the
English Channel. The brunette came in first, the redhead came in second and the
blonde never finished.
When the blonde got in the lifeboat she said, ”I don’t want to be a
tattletale or anything, but the other two used their arms.”
Be drunk or not to be drunk
A man finishes work one day and goes to the pub. after 5 hours of hard drinking he desiseds to go home to his warm bed. he stands up and he falls over he tries to get up and he falls over again he cralls to the door tries to stand and falls again then he tries again to stand up but again he falls over he cralls all the way to his front door puts in his key, falls over. cralls up to bed then falls on to the bed. ko . next morning his wife came in and said you were in the pub last night werent you and the man said how do you know? well said the woman the landlord has just phoned and said that youforgot your wheelchair.
The blond field
There was a blond woman driving on the open highway when she looked out her window and noticed another blond sitting in the middle of a field rowing a boat.
The woman driving her car then yelled at the other blond, “hey! Why are you rowing a boat with no water?” Then the blond with the boat said, “What are you talking about?” The lady in the car replied, “If I could swim, i would come out there and give you a peice of my mind!”