The kids filed back into class monday morning. they were very excited. their
weekend assignment was to sell something, then give a talk on productive
salesmanship. little mary led off: “i sold girl scout cookies and i made $30,”
she said proudly, “my sales approach was to appeal to the customer’s civil
spirit and i credit that approach for my obvious success.” “very good,” said the
teacher. little sally was next: “i sold magazines,” she said, “i made $45 and i
explained to everyone that magazines would keep them abreast of current events.”
“very good, sally,” said the teacher. eventually, it was little johnny’s turn.
little johnny walked to the front of the classroom and dumped a box full of cash
on the teacher’s desk.”$2,467,” he said. “$2,467!” cried the teacher, “what in
the world was you selling?” “tooth brushes,” said little johnny. “tooth
brushes,” echoed the teacher, “how could you possibly sell enough tooth brushes
to make that much money?” “i found the busiest corner in town,” said little
johnny, “i set up a dip & chip stand. i gave everybody who walked by a sample.
they all said the same thing. “hey, this tastes like s***! ” then i would
say…………..” it is s***. wanna buy a toothbrush?”
Author: admin
From Time magazine, “Numbers” section:…
From Time magazine, “Numbers” section:
$5 million:
Estimated annual cost for a 10-year program that would
identify large asteroids most threatening to earth.
$75 million:
Budget for “Deep Impact”, a film about the devastation
caused when a comet hits earth.
Put a little boogie in it!
A do u make a kleenex dance?
Put a little boogie in it!
Thirteen!
A guy is walking past a high, solid wooden fence at the insane asylum and he hears all the residents inside chanting, “Thirteen! Thirteen! Thirteen!”
He continues walking along the long fence, but, being a curious person, he can’t help but wonder why they are chanting “Thirteen!” over and over. Could it be that they are chugging beer? Are they perhaps taking turns beating one of the inmates? Maybe they are counting the number of patients that have leapt off of the roof thus far.
His curiosity peaks and he frantically searches for a hole in the fence so that he may see what is going on. Finally, he spots one a few feet ahead. The hole is low in the fence and he has to kneel down to peer inside.
He moves into position and peeks into the hole. As he looks in, someone inside pokes him in the eye! Then everyone inside the asylum starts chanting, “Fourteen! Fourteen! Fourteen!”
Corporate Lessons!
A priest was driving along and saw a nun on the side of the road. He stopped and offered her a lift which she accepted. She got in and crossed her legs, forcing her gown to open and reveal a lovely leg. The priest had a look and nearly had an accident.
After controlling the car, he stealthfully slid his hand up her leg. The nun looked at him and immediately said, “Father, remember psalm 129?”
The priest was flustered and apologized profusely. He forced himself to remove his hand. However, he was unable to remove his eyes from her leg.
Further on while changing gear, he let his hand slide up her leg again. The nun once again Said, “Father, remember psalm 129?” Once again the priest apologized. “Sorry sister, but the flesh is weak.”
Arriving at the convent, the nun got out, gave him a meaningful glance, and went on her way.
On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to retrieve a bible and looked up psalm 129. It Said, “Go forth and seek, further up, you will find glory.”
MORAL OF THE STORY: Always be well informed in your job, or you might miss a great opportunity!
Replacing lab rats with lawyers
The National Institute of Health (NIH) announced last week that they were going to start using lawyers instead of rats in their experiments. Naturally, the American Bar Association was outraged and filed suit. Yet, the NIH presented some very good reasons for the switch.1. The lab assistants were becoming very attached to their little rats. This emotional involvement was interfering with the research being conducted. No such attachment could form for a lawyer.2. Lawyers breed faster and are in much greater supply.3. Lawyers are much cheaper to care for and the humanitarian societies won’t jump all over you no matter what you’re studying.4. There are some things even a rat won’t do.
I.Q.
Your IQ is so low, you have to dig for it!
More Male Bashing
How many honest, intelligent, caring men in the world does it take to do the dishes?
Both of them.
What’s the difference between a man and a lawnmower?
Lawnmowers don’t bitch after they cut the yard.
How do you keep a man from attacking you?
Throw him the remote control.
What one thing can always get a man out of your life?
A hunting licence.
What’s a man’s idea of a romantic evening?
A candlelit football stadium.
What would get your man to put down the toilet seat?
A sex-change operation.
Why did the man cross the road?
He heard the chicken was a slut.
Why do men talk so dirty?
So they can wash their mouth out with beer.
Why did God create man?
She didn’t. Her husband did.
How do you confuse a man?
Tell him to start a knock-knock joke.
Why do men do odd jobs around the house?
If they do, it’s odd!
Why don’t women blink during foreplay?
They don’t have time.
What’s foreplay when you are married?
20 minutes of begging and pleading.
Not In College Anymore
The first realizations that you’re not in college anymore
* You’re waking up at 6 a.m. instead of going to bed.
* Beers at lunch get you reprimanded.
* College sweatshirts are “casual” instead of dress up.
* Your parents charge rent.
* Your parents walk in while you are having sex, not your
roommate.
* The five food groups are no longer beer, pizza, ramen, mac &
cheese, and cereal.
* It’s “getting late” when it’s 9:30 p.m.
* Three words: school loan payments.
* You make thousands of dollars a year and still can’t afford
that dream Porsche.
* You start eyeing the Light Beer section appreciatively.
* Pickup football games mean that at least one person will be in
the hospital by game’s end.
* Discussing with your friends THEN: GPAs, phone rates, and
tonsil hockey; NOW: IRAs, interest rates, and their kid’s
orthodontia.
* Sleeping on the couch is a no-no.
* Naps are no longer available between noon and 6 p.m.
* Sneakers are now “weekend shoes.”
* Dinner and a movie = The whole date instead of the beginning of
one.
* Your girlfriend being pregnant brings thought of tax deductions
instead of coronaries.
* Jack and Cokes become Dewers on the Rocks.
* The only drugs you take are Tums and Tylenol.
* The weak single you hit in the intramural softball game is now
remembered as a Varsity dinger for the League Championship.
* You get your news from sources other than USA Today, ESPN
Sportscenter, and MTV News.
* Random hook-ups are no longer acceptable.
* You wear more ties/skirts in a week than you even owned while
taking classes.
* You find yourself reminiscing fondly of two-hour calculus
exams.
* You empathize with the characters from ‘Friends”.
* METABOLISM SLOWS DOWN
* Football “season tickets” go from $75.00 for the season with
dozens of friends to $750.00 for the season with the three
other guys who want to get away from the family.
* Wine appreciation expands beyond Boone’s and Mad Dog.
* You actually eat breakfast foods at breakfast time.
* Grocery lists contain relatively healthy food.
* When drinking, you say at least once per night, “I just can’t
put it down the same as I used to.”
* You are the only person over the age of sixteen in your
neighborhood with a Sega.
Yahoo & Excite (.com)
Knock knock.
Who’s there?
Yah.
Yah who?
Yahoo? Why are you so Excited?
Fun to do during an exam
You should not attempt these things during an actual exam. The following is meant for entertainment purposes only.17. Bring things to throw at the instructor when s/he’s not looking. Blame it on the person nearest to you.
Crawling back home
An Irishman was drinking at the pub all night.
The bartender came up to him and told him that the bar was closing. So the Irishman stood up to leave and fell flat on his face.
He tried to stand up one more time with the same result. So he figured he’d just crawl outside, hang out for a while, get some fresh air and hopefully that would sober him up.
Once outside he stood up and fell again right on his face.
So he decided to crawl the 4 blocks to his home and when he arrived at the door he tried one more time with the same results.
Exhausted, he then gave up and started crawling to the bedroom.
When he reached his bed he tried one more time to stand up.
This time he managed to pull himself upright but he quickly fell right into the bed and fell sound asleep as soon as his head hit the pillow.
The next morning, he woke up with his wife standing over him shouting at him.
“So, you’ve been out drinking again!!”
“What makes you say that?” He asked as he put on an innocent look.
“The pub called, you left your wheelchair there again.”