Two roosters are sitting on a post. One of them is straight and the other one is gay. The straight one says,”Cockledoodle do.” The gay one says,”Any cockle do.”
Author: admin
Brien’s First Law: At
Brien’s First Law: At some time in the life cycle of virtually every organization, its ability to succeed in spite of itself runs out.
Your Mommas so hairy . . .
Your Mommas so hairy, when she gave birth, it took the doctors a week to dig the baby out.
Matter of comparision
A gay man, finally deciding he could no longer hide his sexuality from his parents, went over to their house, and found his mother in the kitchen cooking dinner. He sat down at the kitchen table, let out a big sigh, and said, “Mom, I have something to tell you, I’m gay.”His mother made no reply or gave any response, and the guy was about to repeat it to make sure she’d heard him, when she turned away from the pot she was stirring and said calmly, “You’re gay — doesn’t that mean you put other men’s penises in your mouth?”The guy said nervously, “Uh, yeah, Mom, that’s right.”His mother went back to stirring the pot, then suddenly whirled around, whacked him over the head with her spoon and said, “Don’t you EVER complain about my cooking again!!”
Donation
The staff at a local United Way office realized that it had never received a donation from the town’s most successful lawyer. The person in charge of contributions called him to persuade him to contribute and said, “Our research shows that out of a yearly income of at least $500,000, you give not a penny to charity. Wouldn’t you like to give back to the community in some way?”
The lawyer mulled this over for a moment and replied, “First, Did your research also show that my mother is dying after a long illness, and has medical bills that are several times her annual income?”
Embarrassed, the United Way representative mumbled, “Um… No.”
“Or,” the lawyer continued, “that my brother, a disabled veteran, is blind and confined to a wheelchair?”
The stricken United Way representative began to stammer out an apology but was interrupted when the lawyer added, “Or that my sister’s husband died in a traffic accident,” the lawyer’s voice rising in indignation, “Leaving her pennyless with three children?”
The humiliated United Way representative, completely beaten, said simply, “I had no idea…”
On a roll, the lawyer cut him off once again, “So if I don’t give any money to them, why should I give any to you?”
MS Word: I Have to Take a Dump
In MS Word type “I have to take a dump” (sans quotes) and go to the
thesarus (shift-F7).
Va un joven donde un
Va un joven donde un sacerdote a confesarse y le dice: “padre, estoy enamorado de Cuqui”, el cura le dice: “�pero hijo, eso no es pecado! Ve en paz”.
Llega otro y le dice: “padre, estoy enamorado de Cuqui”. Tambi�n a �ste le dice el cura: “�pero hijo, eso no es pecado! Ve en paz”.
Llega un tercero a confesarse y le dice: “padre…”; el religioso record�ndose de los otros dos le dice: “no me digas que t� tambi�n est�s enamorado de Cuqui”.
“No padre, yo soy Cuqui”, le responde aquel.
Paddy and mick
Paddy and Mick go to the bar, as they sit with their drink a guy walks in with a bag over his shoulder.Putting the bag on the bar he asks the barman if he wanted to buy any fish.The barman says”Those fish are alive, were did you get them from?” The guy says”Over the hill is a bridge, and down by the bridge the fish jump,so as they jump you grab the fish and put them into the bag.”As Paddy and Mick were listening they decide to go and try to catch the fish.Paddy says to Mick” If I hang over the bridge You hold onto my legs and when I catch a fish I will shot it to you Mick OK?” “OK” Mick replies.So Paddy is dangling by his legs while Mick is holding onto his legs. Afew minutes pass and Mick shouts to Paddy”You got one yet Paddy?” “NO” says Paddy. A few more minutes pass and He asks again”You got one yet Paddy?” “Not yet Mick” He replies. At that Paddies legs start to kick out.”Oh Paddy You got one now?” Mick says. “No you idiot pull me up the trains coming!!!!!!!
Aussie wankers
Several years ago the United States funded a study to determine why the head on a man’s penis is larger than the shaft.
The study took two years and cost over $180,000. The results of the study concluded that the reason the head of a man’s penis is larger than the shaft was to provide the man with more pleasure during sex.
After the results were published, Germany decided to conduct their own study on the same subject. They were convinced that the results of the US study were incorrect. After three years of research and costs in excess of $250,000, they concluded that the head of a man’s penis is larger than the shaft to provide the women with more pleasure during sex.
When the results of the German study were released, Australia decided to conduct their own study. The Aussies didn’t trust the US or German studies. So after nearly three weeks of intensive research at a cost of around $75, the Aussie study reached a conclusion.
They came to the final conclusion that the reason the head on a man’s penis is larger than the shaft is to prevent his hand from flying off and hitting him in the forehead.
Bill Gates joke 3
Why did Bill Gates kill his sheep?
Because he wanted to upgrade his R.A.M!
Natalie
The Madam opens the brothel door to see an elderly man standing in the
doorway. His clothes are all dishevelled and he looks…well, “needy”.
“Can I help you?” the Madam asks. “I want Natalie”, the old man replies. “Sir, Natalie is one of our most expensive ladies. Perhaps someone else…?”
“No. I want Natalie.”
Just then, Natalie appears and tells the old man that she charges $ 1,000 per hour. Without so much as a blink he reaches into his pocket and pulls out ten crisp new $ 100 bills. The two go up to her room for an hour, whereupon he calmly leaves.
The next night the old man appears again demanding Natalie. Natalie
explains that no one had ever come back two nights in a row, that there are no discounts and that the rate is still $ 1,000 for one hour. But once again, he takes out the money. The two go up to the room and he calmly leaves an hour later.
When he shows up for the third consecutive night, no one can believe it. Again he hands Natalie the money and up to the room, they go. At the end of the hour, Natalie decides to question the old man. “I’m not used to having the same customer come back three nights in a row. Do you mind if I ask where you’re from?”
“I am from Minsk.”
“Really”, replies Natalie “I have a sister who lives there.”
“I know”, says the old man. “She gave me $ 3,000 to give to you.”
Country Boy in a Gay
A country boy ends up in the big city. He is walking around in awe of everything. He decides to quench his thirst and enters a bar. After a couple of beer, his beer rental is up and off he goes to the can. He walks into the can and is shocked at what he sees. And leaves quickly!The barkeep lisps, “What’s wrong?”The country boy replies,” You wouldn’t believe what is going on in there.””What?”The country boy is shaking his head, “Well there is a guy standing at the urinal being corn-holed by a guy behind him. And that guy is getting his fudge packed by a guy behind HIM.”The bartender leans in closer, gets all serious and lisps out his next question.”The guy in the middle wouldn’t have been wearing a yellow T-shirt would he?””I think he was. Why?””He’s lucky at cards too!”