A lawyer got married to a woman who had previously been married 12 times. On
their wedding night, they settled into the bridal suite at their hotel and the
bride said to her new groom, “Please, promise to be gentle. I am still a
virgin.”
This puzzled the groom, since after 12 marriages, he thought that at least one
of her husbands would have been able to perform. He asked his new bride to
explain the phenomenon.
She responded:
My first husband was a Sales Representative who spent our entire marriage
telling me, in grandiose terms, ‘It’s gonna be great!’
My second husband was from Software Services; he was never quite sure how it
was supposed to function, but he said he would send me documentation.
My third husband was from Field Services and constantly said that everything
was diagnostically OK, but he just couldn’t get the system up.
My fourth husband was from Educational Services, and he simply said, Those who
can, do; those who can’t, teach.
My fifth husband was from the Telemarketing Department and said that he had
the orders, but he wasn’t quite sure when he was going to be able to deliver.
My sixth husband was an Engineer. He told me that he understood the basic
process but needed three years to research, implement, and design a new
state-of-the-art method.
My seventh husband was from Finance and Administration. His comments were that
he knew how, but he just wasn’t sure whether it was his job.
My eighth husband was from Standards and Regulations and told me that he was
up to the standards but that regulations said nothing about how to do it.
My ninth husband was a Marketing Manager. He said, ‘I know I have the product.
I’m just not sure how to position it.’
My tenth husband was a psychiatrist, and all he ever wanted to do was talk
about it.
My eleventh husband was a gynecologist, and all he ever wanted to do was look
at it.
My twelfth husband was a stamp collector, and all he ever wanted to do was —
God I miss him!
So now I have married a lawyer, so I know I’m going to get screwed!