If it wasn’t for venetian blinds it would be curtains for us all.
Author: admin
Customer Needs Assistance
I worked for a while at a Wal-Mart store, selling sporting goods. As an employee of Wal-Mart you are sometimes required to make store-wide pages, e.g.,”I have a customer in hardware who needs assistance at the paint counter.”
One night a tentative female voice came over the intercom system with the (I kid you not) following message:
“I have a customer by the balls in toys who needs assistance.”
The un-happy nun
There is a young girl who has just joined the convent.
After 6 months she is horny as hell, and decides to go out and
find herself a man for one night.
Well, 9 months later, she gives birth to a beautiful baby girl
and wonders what she will do. She places the baby in the Mother
superiors bed.
The next morning, the Mother superior wakes up and is shocked to
see a little baby lying beside her and she screams “Jesus
christ!! You cant even trust your finger these days!!!!!”
Arkansas Workers
A fellow stopped at a rural petrol station and, after filling
his tank, he paid the bill and bought a soft drink. As he stood
by his car, drinking his Pepsi, he noticed a couple of men
working along the roadside.
One man would dig a hole two or three feet deep and then move
on. The other man came along behind and filled in the hole.
While one was digging a new hole, the other was about 25 feet
behind filling in the hole.
The men worked right past the fellow with the Pepsi and went on
down the road. “I can’t stand this,” said the man, tossing the
can in a recycling bin and heading down the road toward the men.
“Hold it, hold it,” he said to the men. “Can you tell me what’s
going on here with this digging?”
“Well, we work for the state of Arkansas,” one of the men said.
“But one of you is digging a hole and the other fills it up.
You’re not accomplishing anything. Aren’t you wasting the
state’s money?”
“You don’t understand, mister,” one of the men said, leaning on
his shovel and wiping his brow. “Normally there’s three of
us–me, Rodney and Mike.
I dig the hole, Rodney sticks in the tree and Mike here puts the
dirt back. Now just because Rodney’s sick, that don’t mean that
Mike and me can’t work.”
Instruments
What is Bill Clinton favorite instrument?
A sexaphone!
A Lorry driver feeling tired after driving…
A Lorry driver feeling tired after driving for days decides to stop by at a b and b. The woman who owns it says “im sorry, were full, u can bunk up if ya want” The man being so desperate agrees.”But i warn u, the guy your sharing with is a heavy snorer”
Morning after.
“The guy didnt disturb u did he?”
“No” replys the guy.
” Before i went to sleep i stripped naked and gave him a big snog on the lips. so he stayed awake all night watching me with a gun!”
KY Jelly?
I was caring for a woman from Kentucky and asked, “So how’s your breakfast this morning?”
“It’s very good, except for the Kentucky Jelly. I can’t seem to get used to the taste,” the patient replied.
I then asked to see the jelly and the woman produced a foil packet labeled “KY Jelly.”
Dr. Leonard Kransdorf, Detroit, MI
Submitted by Curtis
Edited by calamjo
In a bowling ball
What’s the difference between a blonde and a bowling ball?
You can only fit 3 fingers in a bowling ball.
Ball scratching
A man in his mid 40s goes to a building site and asks the foreman if he has any job openings.
“Actually, I am a man short,” replies the foreman. “Do you have experience?”
“I’ve worked in construction all my life,” the man says, “but I had an accident a few years ago and haven’t worked since. To make a long story short, I was working with a large industrial saw when it slipped and, well, it castrated me.”
“Ooh,” the foreman says, wincing. “That’s awful, but you have plenty of experience, so come down tomorrow morning at 10 and I’ll get you started.”
“Great,” replies the man. “But don’t I usually see you guys here at nine?”
“Yeah,” the foreman says, “but for the first hour we just stand around scratching our balls.”
Submitted by Curtis
Edited by Calamjo
A man walks into a hamburger shop
A man walks into a hamburger shop and orders a regular meal. Later, the
waitress brings his meal to him. He takes a bite out of it, and notices there’s
a small hair in the hamburger. He begins yelling frantically at the waitress,
“Waitress, there’s a hair in my hamburger! I demand to see what is going on!”
So, the waitress takes him back where the cook is and to his demise, he sees
the cook take the meat patty and flatten it under his arm pit. He says, “That’s
disgusting!”
Then the waitress says, “You think that’s disgusting you should
see him make donuts.”
“Michael Jackson”
Q: “What did did the man on the beach say to Michael Jackson?”
A:”Get out of my “sun”!
Did u here about the blond @ the stop sign ?
She is still there