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A small boy is sent to bed by his father. Five minutes after…..”Da-ad….”
“What?” dad said.
“I’m thirsty. Can you bring drink of water?”
“No, You had your chance. Lights out.”
Five minutes later: “Da-aaaad…..”
“WHAT?” “I’m THIRSTY. Can I have a drink of water?”
“I told you NO! If you ask again, I’ll have to spank you!!”
Five minutes later……”Daaaa-aaaad…..”
“WHAT?!”
“When you come in to spank me, can you bring a drink of water?”
Submitted by Curtis
edited by calamjo
You know you are a redneck when you go to a family reunion just to meet girls
you know you are a redneck when you only go to the laudry mat just to watch T.V
There was a young witch from Nantes
Who hated each one of her aunts
So she buried the lot
In her vegetable plot
And grew some remarkable plants.
I don’t like to advocate drugs, alcohol, narcotics or insanity to
anyone. . . but they’ve always worked for me.
– Hunter S. Thomson
A man in Orange County Municipal Court had been ticketed for
driving alone in the carpool lane. He claimed that the four
frozen cadavers in the mortuary van he was driving should be
counted. The judge ruled that passengers must be alive to
qualify.
There was one embarrassing moment at the White House yesterday… I guess when they brought out the Declaration of Independence President Bush kept looking for the treasure map on the back.
-Jay Leno
What’s the best thing about a blow job?
Ten minutes of silence
An elderly couple, still very loving after all these years, is shocked when the woman’s doctor says she has a heart condition that could kill her at any time.
She is to avoid stress, eat right, and never, ever have sex again, because the strain would be too much.
The couple reluctantly try to live by these rules. Both get really horny over time, however, and the husband decides he’d better sleep downstairs on the couch to guard against temptation.
This works for a few weeks, until late one night when they meet each other on the stairs, she’s coming downstairs, he’s heading up.
“Honey, I have a confession to make,” the woman says, her voice quavering. “I was about to commit suicide.”
“I’m glad to hear it, sweetie,” the man says, “Because I was just coming upstairs to kill you!”
Submitted by Tantilazing
Edited by Yisman
3girls where partying at an illegal party when the cops came in they ran out the back door, the cops chased them into an alley,the 3 girls each hid in a seperate bag, the brown head was in the first bag and the officer kicked it she said meow and the officer said o its lust a cat, then he kicked the red heads bag and she said ruff and the officer said o its just a dog, the he kicked the blondes bag and she said potatoes!!
Q: How can you tell which blonde is the waitress?
A: She is the one with the tampon behind her ear, wondering what she did with
her pencil.
100 years ago when 100 white people chase a black person that was called the KKK. What is it called today? The PGA
Three blondes are walking on the beach and find genie lamp.The Genie says “look girls, there are three of you.. so only ONE wish each! The 1st blonde says “Genie, I think that I would like to be a little bit smarter”… POOF!!! She is a REDHEAD!The 2nd blonde says “Genie,… I think I would like to be a little smarter still!”…POOF!!! She is a BRUNETTE!3rd blonde says “Genie… I have been a blonde ALL my life!..Men buy me cars,..give me money,…and jewels… I think I would like to be a little DUMBER!!”…POOF!!! She is a MAN!!