There is a redhead a brunet and a blonde
they were all invited to a pool party the
redhead walks in wearing a wonepiece then the brunette comes in wearing a onepiece then the blonde comes in wearing a onepiece and says didnt you know onepieces are so out of style.
Author: admin
Any
Any misrepresentation about yourself for the purpose of getting laid.
Parrot Talk
One day a guy walked into a pet store to buy a parrot. He found one that he liked and went up to the counter to buy it. The store clerk saw which parrot he had picked out and said, ”That parrot repeats everything he hears.” ”That’s alright,” the man replied. So the man bought the parrot and left the store. As he was walking down the street, he saw a cop chasing a robber. The cop hollered to his partner, ”Shoot him down, shoot him down!” Then the parrot said, ”Shoot him down, shoot him down!” They kept walking and found a man who was trying to pry his car off the ground with a crowbar because his wheels had been stolen. The man said, ”Pop it up, pop it up!” The parrot said, ”Pop it up, pop it up!” They kept on walking to a carnival. A guy at a gamestand yelled, ”Hit a big one, win a prize!” The parrot said, ”Hit a big one, win a prize!” Then they walked into a church and sat down. The minister was in the middle of the sermon. He said, ”The Lord is above us.” The parrot said, ”Shoot him down,shoot him down!” The minister said, ”The devil is below us.” The parrot said, ”Pop it up, pop it up.” Then the minister got angry and threw a bible at the parrot. The parrot ducked and the bible hit a fat lady behind him. The parrot said,” Hit a big one, win a prize!”
Ceremonioso, un agente del servicio
Ceremonioso, un agente del servicio secreto estadounidense se dirige al Presidente Bush:
“Se�or Presidente: �Las gemelas, las gemelas!”
“��Qu�?! �Otra vez tomando esas desgraciadas!”
A Morning Accident
One day an employee came into work with both of his ears
bandaged. His boss asked him what happened to his ears.
“Yesterday I was ironing a shirt when the phone rang and I
accidentally answered the iron instead of the phone!”
“Well,” the boss said, “that explains one ear, but what
about the other?”
“They called back!”
Knock KnockWho’s there?Clare!Clare who?Clare your
Knock KnockWho’s there?Clare!Clare who?Clare your throat before you speak!
Ten reasons not to chew gum in class
Apparently a real list posted by a teacher.10.You’ll get a false sense of security that you have more spit than the instructor.9. You might choke on it.8. The instructor doesn’t know the difference between CPR and the Heimlich Maneuver. He’ll use CPR to �cop a feel.’ 7. It’ll lose it’s flavour before the class ends.6. Bubbles are distracting.5. Everyone will want some.4. There are no places to put it when it becomes stale.3. Blowing bubbles are distracting to the instructor.2. Everyone will complain that you’re not popping your gum in time to the music.1. The instructor will make you stick it on the end of your nose and stand in front of the class.
A Night Out
An Irishman’s been drinking at a pub all night. The bartender finally says that the bar is closing. So the Irishman stands up to leave and falls flat on his face. He tries to stand one more time, same result.
He figures he’ll crawl outside and get some fresh air and maybe that will sober him up. Once outside he stands up and falls flat on his face. So he decides to crawl the 4 blocks to his home and when he arrives at the door he stands up and falls flat on his face.
He crawls through the door into his bedroom. When he reaches his bed he tries one more time to stand up. This time he manages to pull himself upright but he quickly falls right into bed and is sound asleep as soon as his head hits the pillow.
He awakens the next morning to his wife standing over him shouting at him. “So, you’ve been out drinking again!!”
“What makes you say that?” He asks as he puts on an innocent look.
“The pub called, you left your wheelchair there again.”
When in doubt, take all
When in doubt, take all the time you need to get all the facts, or all the time you have, whichever is less.
What do you call an
What do you call an [ethnic] man and six monkeys?
– A Branch Manager.
Statistical one-liner
The only time a pie chart is appropriate is at a baker’s convention.
How to:
How to keep an idiot busy for hours