Q: What’s the difference between Bill Clinton and a pickpocket?
A: A pickpocket snatches watches.
Author: admin
Miss My Ex
I Still Miss My Ex..But My Aim Is Getting Better!
The big V
After a man had his annual physical, the doctor came out and said, “You had a great check-up. Is there anything that you’d like to talk about or ask me?””Well,” the man replied, “I was thinking about getting a vasectomy.””That’s a big decision! Have you talked it over with your family?””Yeah. We took a vote ….. and they were in favour of it 15 to 2.”
You have to check your
You have to check your coke can before you take a drink just in case you have mistaken it for your spit can.You have accidentally taken a drink from your spit can.Your wife asks you what you want to be when you grow up.
Se encuentran dos cl�toris:
Se encuentran dos cl�toris:
“Hola… �C�mo est�s?”
“Yo, muy bien, pero… me han dicho que t� est�s muy mal…”
“Ya,ya… los chismosos de siempre… �Qu� te han dicho?”
“Bueno… que en los �ltimos tiempos est�s muy d�bil, que est�s flojo, que te faltan energ�as, que pareces un moco de pavo, que te falta la fogosidad y que ya no eres ardiente, etc, etc.”
“Uffff… chico… Las malas lenguas…”
A Horse walks into a Bar
A Horse walks into a bar:
“Hey buddy,” says the bartender, “why the long face?”
The psychiatrist
A patient is seeing his psychiatrist for the first time and is undergoing the
Rorschach test. After each ink blot the patient exclaims it is a couple
copulating. The psychiatrist stops the test and exclaims, “You appear to have a
preoccupation with sex.” And the patient replies, “You’re the one showing the
dirty pictures.”
Winner
A Redneck buys a ticket and wins the lottery.
He goes to Austin to claim it and the man verifies his ticket number.
The Redneck says, I want my $20 million.
The man replied, No, sir. It doesn’t work that way. We give you a million
today and then you’ll get the rest spread out for the next 19 years.
The Redneck said, Oh, no. I want all my money right now! I won it and I want
it.
Again, the man explain that he would only get a million that day and the rest
during the next 19 years.
The Redneck, furious with the man, screams out, Look, I want my money! If
you’re not going to give me my $20 million right now, then I want my dollar
back!
Wats For Dinner?
Benny goes to school and comes back. At dinner time his family sits on the dinner table and Benny noticed that there was no food on the table. Then Benny yells out to his mom “MOM WHATS FOR DINNER”!!!!” and the mom replies “THE NEXT MOTHER FUCKER WHO MOVES!!!”
Hanson
Q. What is blonde, has six legs, and roams Michael Jackson’s dreams every night?
A. Hanson.
Un d�a una ni�a fue
Un d�a una ni�a fue a una playa nudista, vio un hombre desnudo y le pregunt� “Que es eso”.
El hombre le dijo “Esto es mi pajarito” y el hombre se cubri� su pajarito con sus manos y se fue a dormir.
Cuando el hombre despert�, estaba en un hospital y un polic�a le pregunt� qu� le hab�a pasado. El hombre le respondi� que una ni�a le hab�a preguntado sobre sus partes privadas y �l despu�s se hab�a ido a dormir.
Entonces el polic�a fue a ver a la ni�a y le pregunt� qu� hab�a ocurrido. La ni�a dijo “Despu�s que �l se fue a dormir, yo me puse a jugar con su pajarito y de pronto me escupi�. Entonces yo le torc� el pescuezo, le quebr� los huevos y le quem� su nido.”
The Top 15 U.S. Excuses for Not Finding Weapons of Mass Destruction in Iraq
15> You misunderstood. What we said was, “We plan tons of mass construction.”
14> We’re pretty sure Saddam hid the WMDs inside millions of those fake Coca-Cola cans.
13> Let’s just say that the informant’s message, “Saddam is poised to release massive amounts of lethal chemical and biological agents,” would have been better translated as “Never, ever pull Saddam’s finger.”
12> We dig and dig, but that damn sand keeps refilling our holes.
11> We think they’re in some boxes we found marked “Do not open until Christmas.”
10> Tommy Franks never said, “Simon says.”
9> We need a few more weeks to finish checking out the interior of this air-conditioned palace.
8> Too busy combing through Dixie Chicks lyrics for incriminating evidence.
7> We *did* find weapons of mass destruction, we just can’t show them to you because they’re… um… they’re invisible!
6> The dogs of war ate them.
5> All military resources are being used to protect the USA from Mothra.
4> Overlooked hundreds of sealed wooden crates marked: “Baby Milk for Hungry Iraqi Children — Handle With Extreme Caution!”
3> Because, uh… hey, look — tax cuts!!
2> All of our radar technology is focused on President Bush’s efforts to locate Waldo.
1> They’ve probably been smuggled to an even more dangerous rogue state — France!
[ The Top 5 List www.topfive.com ]
[ Copyright 2003 by Chris White ]