Why did Frosty the Snowman pull down his pants?
He heard the snow blower coming.
Submitted by Clark Kent
Edited by Yisman
Author: admin
Q:How do you know a blond has been in your…
Q:How do you know a blond has been in your car?A:The shift stick is all wet!
How to:
How to keep an idiot busy for hours
Your momma is ugly, and your momma is so stupid
Your mom is so ugly you threw her out the window and got charged for littering!
Your mom is so ugly, she walked up to a priest and he yelled “JESUS CHRIST” and fainted!
Your mom is so stupid she walked into a parked car!
Your mom is so stupid she left you at the boozerz house thinking you were at church!
Parrot Talk
One day a guy walked into a pet store to buy a parrot. He found one that he liked and went up to the counter to buy it. The store clerk saw which parrot he had picked out and said, ”That parrot repeats everything he hears.” ”That’s alright,” the man replied. So the man bought the parrot and left the store. As he was walking down the street, he saw a cop chasing a robber. The cop hollered to his partner, ”Shoot him down, shoot him down!” Then the parrot said, ”Shoot him down, shoot him down!” They kept walking and found a man who was trying to pry his car off the ground with a crowbar because his wheels had been stolen. The man said, ”Pop it up, pop it up!” The parrot said, ”Pop it up, pop it up!” They kept on walking to a carnival. A guy at a gamestand yelled, ”Hit a big one, win a prize!” The parrot said, ”Hit a big one, win a prize!” Then they walked into a church and sat down. The minister was in the middle of the sermon. He said, ”The Lord is above us.” The parrot said, ”Shoot him down,shoot him down!” The minister said, ”The devil is below us.” The parrot said, ”Pop it up, pop it up.” Then the minister got angry and threw a bible at the parrot. The parrot ducked and the bible hit a fat lady behind him. The parrot said,” Hit a big one, win a prize!”
Pool Party
There is a redhead a brunet and a blonde
they were all invited to a pool party the
redhead walks in wearing a wonepiece then the brunette comes in wearing a onepiece then the blonde comes in wearing a onepiece and says didnt you know onepieces are so out of style.
Pilots with V.D.
How did the entire squadron of Navy pilots get V.D.?
They all made landings on the same carrier.
Submitted by Curtis
Edited by Tanatilazing
Hat Check Girl
There once was a priest who had to spend the night in a hotel and offered hat check girl to come up to his room for dinner.
After a while he started advancing on her when she stopped him and reminded him he was a holy man.
“It’s o.k.,” he replied, “it’s written in the Bible.”
So after a wild night of sex the hat check girl asked to see where in the Bible it says it’s okay.
The priest picks up the Bible off the dresser opens to the first page where someone wrote in pencil – “The hat check girl puts out!”
Locked car
there were two blondies at a gas station and locked their car with the hood open so when they went out to put their chips in the car. They tried to open the door, but it was stuck.
the 2nd blonde said “try busting the door open””
the 1st blonde said “”nah i dont want to smudge the paint on the car.
so the 2nd blonde suggested “”ask the cop over there””
so the 1st blonde asked him and the cop said “”sure why not””.
the cop says to both of the blondes “” the hood is open and the windows are down””
the blondes say “” WE KNOW! we just want to get the car unlocked”” so The cop Just Leaves And everyone looks at them like they are stupid. so they never figured how to open the car door ever.
“
Womens breasts
What do toys and womens breasts have in common?
They were both originally made for kids, but dad ends up playing with
What do you call an
What do you call an [ethnic] man and six monkeys?
– A Branch Manager.
Butterball Turkey support
BUTTERBALL TURKEY TALK-LINE ‘GREATEST HITS'(or, ‘Memorable Moments in Talk-Line History;’ or, ‘Out of the Mouths of…. Turkey Trauma Victims’)Over the years, the Butterball Turkey Talk-Line staff have had their share of memorable calls — inquiries that stand out from the crowd because they’re heartwarming or amusing. We asked some of the veteran staff members to tell us their favorites; plus, we rounded up a bunch of our own personal favorites from the Talk-Line archives. Its hard to beat the call from a trucker who planned to cook his Thanksgiving turkey on the engine of his truck (‘Will it cook faster if I drive faster?’), but some of these come pretty close. Warning: do not attempt to adjust your screen — these are real incidents, true stories — from the front lines!* Home alone, a Kentucky woman was in the doghouse when she called the Butterball Turkey Talk-Line. While preparing the turkey, her Chihuahua jumped into the bird’s body cavity and couldn’t get out. She tried pulling the dog and shaking the bird, but nothing worked. She and the dog became more and more distraught. After calming the woman down, the Talk-Line home economist suggested carefully cutting the opening in the cavity of the turkey wider. It worked and Fido was freed!* Birdie, eagle and turkey? Roasting a turkey doesn’t have to interfere with the daily routine, so said a retired Floridian. He called ‘Turkey Central’ for turkey grilling tips while waiting to tee off from the 14th hole.* Taking turkey preparation an extra step, a Virginian wondered, ‘How do you thaw a fresh turkey?’ The Talk-Line staffer explained that fresh turkeys aren’t frozen and don’t need to be thawed.* Don’t wait until the last minute! On Thanksgiving Day, a Georgian woman took the ‘Be prepared’ motto to heart. She had just agreed to host Thanksgiving Dinner and called the Talk-Line a year ahead of time for turkey tips.* Happy Thanksgiving, President Clinton! A Southern woman called to comment, ‘On Thanksgiving Day, the Butterball Turkey Talk-Line is more important than the President. He can take the day off, but the Talk-Line staff can’t.’ (The Butterball Turkey Talk-Line is open Thanksgiving Day, 6 a.m. to 6 p.m., Central Standard Time.)* Thanksgiving Dinner on the run. A woman called 1-800-323-4848 to find out how long it would take to roast her turkey. To answer the question, the Talk-Line home economist asked how much the bird weighed. The woman responded, ‘I don’t know, it’s still running around outside.’* Tofu turkey? No matter how you slice it, Thanksgiving just isn’t Thanksgiving without turkey. A restaurant owner in California wanted to know how to roast a turkey for a vegetarian menu.* White meat, anyone? A West Coast woman took turkey preparation to extremes by scrubbing her bird with bleach. Afterward, she called the Talk-Line to find out how to clean off the bleach. To her dismay, she was advised to dispose of the turkey.* A young girl called on behalf of her mother who needed roasting advice. To provide approximate roasting times, the home economist asked what size the turkey was. Without asking her mother the little girl paused, then replied, ‘Medium.’* A novice turkey-cooking chef wanted to know if the yellow netting and wrapper around the turkey should be removed before roasting. Envisioning a melted plastic turkey blob, the home economist responded, ‘Yes,’ then offered complete roasting directions.