Yours Fun Portal !
a carrot lettuce and a dick were talking
the carrot said i have a terrible life they cook me or eat me raw
the lettuce said you think you have a terrible life they cut me up and put me in salads
the dick said you think you got it bad they wrap me up put me in a dark cave and make me do 100 push-ups
Q:What did the black guy get for christmass??
A: My Bike
Q: What do you do when you see your TV floating away in the middle of the night??
A: Say “DROP IT NIGGER!!”
Two Cannibals are having Thanksgiving Dinner…
One turns to the other and says: “You know, I just can’t stand my mother-in law.”
The other replies: “Then try the potato salad.”
A man with a bad stomach complaint goes to his doctor and asks him what he can do. The doctor replies that the illness is quite serious but can be cured by inserting a suppository up his anal passage. The man agrees, and so the doctor warns him of the pain, tells him to bend over and shoves the thing way up his behind. The doctor then hands him a second dose and tells him to do the same thing in six hours.So, the man goes home and later that evening tries to get the second suppository inserted, but he finds that he cannot reach himself properly to obtain the required depth. He calls his wife over and tells her what to do. The wife nods, puts one hand on his shoulder to steady him and with the other shoves the medicine home. Suddenly the man screams, “NOOO..!” “What’s the matter?” asked the wife, “Did I hurt you?””No,” replies the man, “but I just realized that when the doctor did that, he had BOTH hands on my shoulder.”
Entran dos borrachos a un velorio para ver si hay algo para seguir la parranda. Uno le dice al otro:
“Ram�n, mira la vieja esa como llora.”
El otro le contesta:
“C�llate, y vamos a escuchar qu� dice…”
Y la mujer dice: “Se lo llevan donde no hay agua, donde no hay comida, donde no hay luz, donde no hay mujeres…”
Y el borracho preocupado le dice a su amigo:
“�Ram�n, parece que lo llevan a tu casa!”
Q: What’s a cat’s second favorite food?
A: Spa-catti!
It was the day of the big sale. Rumors of the sale (and some advertising in the local paper) were the main reason for the long line that formed by 8:30, the store’s opening time, in front of the store.A small man pushed his way to the front of the line, only to be pushed back, amid loud and colurful curse. On the man’s second attempt, he was punched square in the jaw, and knocked around a bit, and then thrown at the end of the line again.As he got up, he said to the person at the end of the line, “That does it! If they hit me one more time, I won’t open the store!”
Q. What do you call a paki on the moon?
A. A problem.
Q. What do you call ten paki’s on the moon?
A. A bit bigger problem.
Q. What do you call a hundred paki’s on the moon?
A. A pretty big problem.
Q. What do you call a thousand paki’s on the moon?
A. A very large problem.
Q. What do you call all the paki’s on the moon?
A. A problem solved.
A man walking on the beach found an empty bottle. He picked up the bottle
and a genie popped out. “You have freed me from that bottle,” said the
genie. “I will grant you three wishes, but for every wish you make every
lawyer in the world gets doubled of what you wished for.”
“OK,” said the man. “For my first wish I want to have 10 million dollars.”
“Remember now, every lawyer has just received 20 million dollars.” “No
problem!”
“For my second wish I want a brand new car.” “Remember now every lawyer in
the world has just recived 2 brand new cars.”
“And for my third wish I want to donate a kidney.”
What do you do when a blonde throws a grenade at you?
Pick it up, pull the pin and throw it back.
A young man, hired by a supermarket, reported for his first day of work. The
manager greeted him with a warm handshake and a smile, gave him a broom and
said, “Your first job will be to sweep out the store.”
“But I’m a college graduate.” the young man replied indignantly.
“Oh, I’m sorry. I didn’t know that,” said the manager. “Here, give me the
broom; I’ll show you how.”
Why are research labratories using lawyers instead of rats? Nobody cares
what happens to a lawyer. The lab assistants don’t get attached to
lawyers. And finally, there are some things a rat won’t do.