Q: What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire? A: Frostbite.
Author: admin
A guy gets back from a computer convention
A guy gets back from a computer convention and is telling his wife about how
it went, “Honey, It was so crowded, a real zoo. You couldn’t get a nerd in
edgewise!”
All I want is a
All I want is a chance to prove that money means nothing to me!
Eternal nothingness is okay if you’re dressed…
Eternal nothingness is okay if you’re dressed for it.
Woody Allen in Getting Even
Question and answer Christmas joke
Q: Why do birds fly south for the winter ?A: Because it’s to far to walk.
Snap
Three students from Michigan State, the University of Kentucky and Texas A & M
on summer vacation in France were caught smuggling cocaine and sentenced to
death by guillotine. The judge turned to the boy from Michigan and asked, “Do
you have any final words, son?”
“Yeah, drop dead!” snapped the Wolverine.
Hearing this, the judge signaled for the sentence to be carried out. The
executioner pulled the lever, and as the crowd gaped in astonishment, the giant
blade came to a screeching halt three inches from the victim’s throat.
“It’s God’s will! Let him go!” cried the judge.
Next the fella from U. of Kentucky was put on the block, and the judge asked
again, “And what are your final remarks, my boy?”
“Go to hell!” shouted the student, and the judge signaled. The razor-sharp
blade fell and miraculously stopped just a quarter inch from the condemned boy’s
neck. “It’s the will of God!” exclaimed the judge. “Set him free!”
Finally the Texan was put into position. “Before you’re beheaded,” said the
judge, “do you have any last words?”
“Yeh!” replied the Aggie. “If y’all will just put a little more grease on them
grooves, the blade’ll come down a whole lot easier!”
I was at this restaraunt
I was at this restaraunt the other day and I saw this fat oriental lady
and I said to myself that aint no chink thats a damn chunk!
My karma
My karma ran over your dogma.I brake for… wait… AAAH! NO BRAKES!!!!!A fool and his money are a girl’s best friend.I’m not driving fast-just flying low.Help starve a feeding bureaucrat.My other vehicle is a Romulan Warbird! Energizer Bunny arrested, charged with battery.”I is a college student.”If you can read this, I can hit my brakes and sue you.
Keep this one in the zoo.
Q: How do you put an elephant in a fridge?A: Open the door put the elephant in and close the doorQ: How do you put a giraffe in a fridge?A: Open the door take the elephant out, put the giraffe in, close the doorQ: If there is an animal meeting and every single animal is going to be there except for one, which one would it be?A: The giraffe, It’s still stuck in the FridgeQ: If you had to get across a swamp and it was full of crocodiles how would you do it?A: Just swim across, The crocodiles are at the animal meeting.
Un espermatozoide se encuentra perdido
Un espermatozoide se encuentra perdido en el cuerpo humano. Al llegar a los pulmones les pregunta: “�Cu�l es su funci�n?”
“Aqu� purificamos todo el aire que entra por la nariz y la boca”.
Triste, el espermatozoide prosigue su camino. Llega a los ri�ones y les pregunta: “Se�ores, �cu�l es su funci�n?”
“Aqu� drenamos todos los l�quidos que se toman y aprovechamos los buenos; los dem�s los desechamos por medio de la orina”.
Una vez m�s prosigue su camino. Llega al h�gado y le pregunta: “Se�or, �cu�l es su funci�n?”
“Mira hijo, todos los corajes que hacen a m� me parten la madre”.
“Perd�n se�or, no se enoje”, y prosigue su camino.
Ya desesperado y triste, el espermatozoide llega al coraz�n y le pregunta: “Se�or �cu�l es su funci�n?”
“Bueno, pues yo palpito…”
Alegr�ndose, el espermatozoide le interrumpe:
“Me lleva, yo voy para all�”.
Viral Warfare in a Bar
Editor’s note: This joke involves a rather disturbing situation with the AIDS virus. Don’t read it if you think making jokes about AIDS is improper….—A guy walks into a bar and tells everyone there “Give me all your money, watches, jewelry and anything else of value or I will inject you with the AIDS virus.” Then he produces a syringe. One by one everyone hands over all their stuff except one man at the end of the bar. “I told you to hand over all your stuff or I’ll inject you with the AIDS virus.” The man at the bar said “Go ahead, I’m wearing a condom.”
Priests uniform
A priest was walking along the corridor of the parochial school near the preschool wing when a group of little ones were trotting by on the way to the cafeteria.
One little lad of about three or four stopped and looked at him in his clerical clothes and asked, “Why do you dress funny?”
He told him he was a priest and this is the uniform priests wear.
Then the boy pointed to the priest’s plastic collar tab and asked, “Do you have an owie?”
The priest was perplexed till he realized that to him the collar tab looked like a band aid. So the priest took it out and handed it to the boy to show him.
On the back of the tab are raised letters giving the name of the manufacturer.
The little guy felt the letters, and the priest asked, “Do you know what those words say?”
“Yes I do,” said the lad who was not old enough to read. Peering intently at the letters he said, “Kills ticks and fleas up to six months!”