Forwarded from a guy at MIT who knows this guy at WPI. Story confirmed by a co-employee who graduated from MIT. Unfortunately we don’t have an e-dress for Mikey to REALLY confirm this, but then, who would make THIS up? 😉 ————————-And so I get back to school, start my senior year, two research projects, grad school applications, GRE preparation, and the like. The year started off good, but that all changed about two months ago. Some of you (especially those at Berkeley) may have heard rumors of some bizarre accident that I was involved in. So here is the truth, unabridged, for those of you who actually want to know…Around the second week of school, the society of physics students held a roughly annual welcome back party, and, as tradition dictates, we made our own ice cream with liquid nitrogen (77 K) as a refrigerant and aerator.Things were going fine for a while. We spilled a little of the nitrogen onto a table, and watched tiny little drops of it dance around. Then someone asked, ‘why does it do that?’That may have been the point of no return. I, as is traditionally my role, answered that the nitrogen evaporates at the surface of the table, which provides a cushion of air for the drop to sit on, and thermally insulates the drop to minimize further evaporation. So you see a drop dance around without boiling away, and without interacting with the table and getting slowed down or smeared out. Then, I continued…I mentioned that the same principle makes it possible to dip a wet hand into molten lead, or to drink liquid nitrogen without injury.I had done the latter several years earlier in a cryogenics lab, and remembered the physics behind how it worked. Naturally, people around me were skeptical. ‘You can’t drink the stuff… it’ll freeze your whole body… remember terminator 2?’ but I was sure of myself. I had done it before, and I believed in the physics behind it. So, naturally, I poured myself a glass and took a shot. Simple: Swallow, blow smoke out nose and mouth and impress everyone at the party.Within about two seconds, I had collapsed to the floor, unable to breathe or feel anything other than intense pain.Ambulance arrives. Police arrive. Trip to hospital. Admission. Try to explain to ER staff exactly how something like this happens. Then I pass out.I wake up next morning connected to many machines, some beeping, others performing more important functions like digesting my food and breathing for me.Turns out that, in accordance with popular belief, you really should not drink the stuff. I eventually learned a few things about liquid nitrogen. Like… while you can safely put it in your mouth, and blow neat smoke patterns, you should never ever ever swallow. First off, the closing of the epiglottis prevents the nitrogen gas from escaping, so it is forced into your body instead. Second, your esophagus naturally constricts around anything inside it, so, even if there is a thin protective gas layer, the esophagus will find a way to make contact with the liquid nitrogen.Also turns out that my memory was flawed. When I had done it six years ago, I put it into my mouth and didn’t swallow. Over time, that fineline between parlor trick and near fatal accident must have blurred.So… the consequences… my entire upper GI tract, from epiglottis to the bottom of the stomach was badly burned, scarred, and perforated. The gas also expanded quite a bit while inside my body. It filled my chest cavity with several liters of nitrogen gas, which was under enough presuure to collapse a lung. So after what I’m told was a grueling all night surgery, they removed part of my stomach, and had my entire digestive system, top to bottom, running on machine power for a while. I also had a breather for the first day or so, until my lung was restored. There are a few details which are considerably uglier which I will spare you.So… the recovery… they were impressed with my recuperative skills. I could breathe on my own completely after a few days. I could sit up in bed after a week, and was walking in two. About that time, I began to eat again as well. After four weeks, I was up and about again. Now, something like eight weeks, I’m virtually healed, with the exception of a number of unsightly scars.But…. the good news is that I am the first documented medical case of a cryogenic ingestion. Read the new england journal of medicine. Three articles are in review now, and will be published soon, I’m told. These days, my little adventure leaves me with bad jokes at physics department meetings, and the occasional blurb in the school paper. ‘Make Mikey drink it. Mikey likes it.’ I’ve also picked up the nickname’Nitro-Mike,’ which is somehow supposed to sound cool, because it conjures up images of nitro-glycerin, which implies I’m a bad mother. I don’t buy it.If any of you guys have heard a variation on this story, let me know. I’m always curious to hear how these things sound third and fourth hand. I was on a follow-up visit to the hospital, and I mentioned to one of the nurses that I go to WPI. And he said that he heard about some kid from WPI who broke into a lab in the middle of the night and stole some liquid nitrogen to try and get high. Then, as the story goes, by the time he gets to the hospital, he’s in pretty bad shape. His lower jaw has to be amputated, as well as his tongue. He can never eat solid foods again, and also has a ‘bag,’ if you know what I mean. I didn’t have the heart to tell this guy the truth, because the story was so good at that point.So, that, in a nutshell, is what’s happened to me. Nowadays, I’m back to my normal self… school, thesis work, grad apps, playing music, talking on the radio, and suffering over women.So here I am.Michael
Author: admin
Computer Terminology
486 – The average IQ needed to understand a PC.
State-of-the-art – Any computer you can’t afford.
Obsolete – Any computer you own.
Microsecond – The time it takes for your state-of-the-art computer to
become obsolete.
G3 – Apple’s new Macs that make you say “Gee, three times faster than the
computer I bought for the same price a Microsecond ago.”
Syntax Error – Walking into a computer store and saying, “Hi, I want to
buy a computer and money is no object.”
Hard Drive – The sales technique employed by computer salesmen, esp. after
a Syntax Error.
GUI – What your computer becomes after spilling your coffee on it.
(pronounced “gooey”)
Keyboard – The standard way to generate computer errors.
Mouse – An advanced input device to make computer errors easier to
generate.
Floppy – The state of your wallet after purchasing a computer.
Portable Computer – A device invented to force businessmen to work at
home, on vacation, and on business trips.
Disk Crash – A typical computer response to any critical deadline.
Power User – Anyone who can format a disk from DOS.
System Update – A quick method of trashing ALL of your software.
The fight
Lawyer: Tell us about the fight.
Witness: I didn’t see any fight.
Lawyer: Well, tell us what you did see.
Witness: I went to a dance at the Turner house, and as the men swung around
and changed partners, they would slap each other, and one fellow hit harder than
the other one liked, and so the other one hit back and somebody pulled a knife
and a rifle that had been hidden under a bed, and the air was filled with
yelling and smoke and bullets.
Lawyer: You, too were shot in the fracas?
Witness: No sir, I was shot midway between the fracas and the navel.
Ouch
Three guys walk into a bar. The fourth guy ducks.
Mad Cow Disease
There were these two cows, chatting over the fence between their fields.
The first cow said, “I tell you, this mad-cow-disease is really pretty scary. They say it is spreading fast; I heard it hit some cows down on the Johnson Farm.”
The other cow replies, “Hell, I ain’t worried, it don’t affect us ducks!”
Yo mama’s So Fat
Yo’ mama so fat, I had to take two trains to get on her good side!
Two Brain Cells
Q: What do you call a blonde with 2 brain cells?
A: Pregnant
Jewish Holiday Menu
Latkes:
A pancake-like structure not to be confused with anything the
House of Pancakes would put out. In a Latka, the oil is in the
pancake. It is made with potatoes, onions, eggs and matzo meal.
Latkas can be eaten with apple sauce but NEVER with maple syrup.
There is a rumor that in the time of the Maccabees they lit a
Latka by mistake and it burned for eight days. What is certain
is you will have heartburn for the same amount of time.
Matzos:
The Egyptians’ revenge for leaving slavery. It consists of a
simple mix of flour and water – no eggs or flavor at all. When
made well, it could actually taste like cardboard. Its redeeming
value is that it does fill you up and stays with you for a long
time. However, it is recommended that you eat a few prunes soon
after.
Kasha Varnishka:
This is one of the little-known delicacies, which is even more
difficult to pronounce than to cook. It has nothing to do with
varnish, but is basically a mixture of buckwheat and bow tie
macaroni (noodles). Why a bow tie? Many sages discussed this and
agreed that some Jewish mother decided that, “You can’t come to
the table without a tie” or, ‘Heaven forbid,’ an elbow on my
table?”
Kreplach:
It sounds worse than it tastes. There is a rabbinical debate on
its origins: One Rabbi claims it began when a fortune cookie
fell into his chicken soup. The other claims it started in an
Italian restaurant. Either way it can be soft, hard, or soggy
and the amount of meat inside depends on whether it is your
mother or your mother-in-law who cooked it.
Cholent:
This combination of noxious gases had been the secret weapon of
Jews for centuries. The unique combination of beans, barley,
potatoes, and bones or meat is meant to stick to your ribs and
anything else it comes into contact with. At a fancy Mexican
restaurant (kosher, of course) I once heard this comment from a
youngster who had just had his first taste of Mexican fried
beans: ”What! Do they serve leftover cholent here too?” My wife
once tried something unusual for guests: She made cholent
burgers for Sunday night supper. The guests never came back.
Gefilte Fish:
A few years ago, I had problems with my filter in my fishpond
and a few of them got rather stuck and mangled. My son looked at
them and commented ”Is that why we call it ‘Ge Filtered
Fish’?” Originally, it was a carp stuffed with a minced fish
and vegetable mixture. Today it usually comprises of small fish
balls eaten with horseradish which is judged on its relative
strength in bringing tears to your eye at 100 paces.
Bagels:
How can we finish without the quintessential Jewish Food, the
bagel? Like most foods, there are legends surrounding the bagel
although I don’t know any. There have been persistent rumors
that the inventors of the bagel were the Norwegians who couldn’t
get anyone to buy smoked lox. Think about it: Can you picture
yourself eating lox on white bread? Rye? A cracker? Naaa. They
looked for something hard and almost indigestible which could
take the spread of cream cheese and which doesn’t take up too
much room on the plate.
Turned to stone
Three boys are playing outside just after dark, when one of them noticed a light on in a window. Billy says to Johnnie and Joey: “Let’s take a peek!” They look in the window and see a pretty woman undressing. Suddenly, Johnnie runs away and the other boys can’t find him. The next day, Billy and Joey see Johnnie and ask: “Why’d you run away, you some kind of faggot or something?”Johnnie replies: “No…My mother told me that if I ever do anything naughty, say anything naughty or even LOOK at anything naughty, God would turn me into stone. Well, when I looked in that window I started to get hard, so I ran away!”
Drivers Licence
A police officer stops a blonde for speeding and asks her very nicely if he could see her license. She replied in a huff, “I wish you guys could get your act together. Just yesterday you take away my license and then today you expect me to show it to you.”
The Pickel,Taco.and the Dick
There was a pickel ,a taco and a Dick,one day they were fightinng because they did not know who was the worst of all.So the pickel said,shit guys ive been in a jar for more than 300 years.Then they said,aaaaa thats nothin.The taco said,Mine sucks cause i dont even live for on second.they get the tomato,the cheese and the salt, and put it all over and suddenly they eat me to death ahhhhhh help…..Forget both of you. The Dick said, every single night they grab me and put a bag over and make me do push ups until i throw up.
You’re so ugly…
You’re so ugly you looked out the window and started World War III.