The head nun tells the two new nuns that they have to paint their room without getting any paint on their clothes. So the one nun says to the other, “Hey, let’s take all our clothes off, fold them up, and lock the door.”So they do this, and begin painting their room. Soon they hear a knock at the door. They ask, “Who is it?””Blind man!”The nuns look at each other, then one nun says, “He’s blind, he can’t see. What could it hurt.” They let him in.The blind man walks in and says, “Hey, nice tits. Where do you want me to hang the blinds?”
Author: admin
Un famoso cient�fico dedic� 48
Un famoso cient�fico dedic� 48 a�os de su vida a estudiar el comportamiento de la pulga. Al final de sus estudios convoc� a un congreso para presentar los resultados de sus investigaciones.
A la convenci�n asisten los m�s renombrados pulg�logos del mundo. El cient�fico hace su aparici�n y dice: “Voy a pedir completo silencio para iniciar un experimento en vivo. Seguidamente, levanta la tapa de una bandeja y, ante el silencio absoluto de los concurrentes, se observa a una pulga en medio de la bandeja y dice, �Pulga salta! De inmediato, el insecto se eleva 6 metros sobre la bandeja, entonces aclara. “La pulga ha saltado 6 metros, un metro por cada patita que tiene.”
De inmediato, cuando la pulga ya ha aterrizado, procede a extirparle 2 patitas y dice nuevamente �Pulga salta! “La pulga salt� 4metros, un metro por cada patita que ten�a”.
As� contin�a hasta que le arranca la �ltima patita. Entonces repite, por �ltima vez �Pulga salta! Y la pulga,�NO SALTA! En ese momento, el cient�fico pide la colaboraci�n de todos los asistentes para que alienten a la pulga a saltar. Al un�sono, todos gritan �PULGAAAA SALTAAAA! �PULGAAA SALTAAA! Y la pulga tras constantes intentos… �No puede saltar! El cient�fico tapa la bandeja con la pulga adentro, ante la at�nita mirada de los asistentes que esperan una respuesta. El investigador, percibiendo esta inquietud, dice: Vean se�ores, durante 48 a�os me he dedicado a estudiar a la pulga, para cambiar el concepto tradicional que se ten�a sobre ella, y concluyo que la pulga, al perder todas sus patitas, ha quedado �COMPLETAMENTE SORDA!
Revealing Gift Test
Which gift would you like? To determine your personality, pick the gift you’d most like to receive.
1. Candy
2. Flowers
3. A sweet poem
4. Sex
5. Dinner/Dancing
6. Waffle iron
After you’ve selected, scroll down…
1. CANDY It means that… You are a sweet person who enjoys traditional gifts and hopefully likes to share.
OR
You’re a selfish chocoholic who values a sugar high over everything, even true love.
2. FLOWERS It means that… You love the beauty of nature, the scent of flowers and appreciate this timeless romantic gesture.
OR
You get some twisted joy out of watching vegetation wither and die.
3. A SWEET POEM It means that… You’re a hopeless romantic, a cultured person who recognizes the power and beauty of the written word.
OR
You’re used to cheap gifts and like to pass yourself off as a cultured person who recognizes the power and beauty of the written word.
4. SEX It means that… You are a passionate soul, a free spirit who is not afraid to express your sexuality with another consenting adult and feel that the physical side of love can be meaningful and beautiful.
OR
You’re a filthy degenerate who is no better than a rutting animal living solely for one carnal experience after another.
5. DINNER/DANCING It means that… You enjoy the company of that special someone and the romantic setting of fine cuisine and candlelight.
OR
You’re easy to please and probably willing to sell your body for food and a few quick turns around the dance floor.
6. WAFFLE IRON It means that… You’re a practical person who believes in gifts that you can actually use.
OR
You have absolutely no idea of what gift-giving is all about and probably have some sort of deviant sexual fetish involving kitchen appliances.
Making Babies
Little Johnny is walking with his father in the park and they see two dogs locked in a sexual embrace. Little Johnny not understanding what the dogs are doing asks his father, “Daddy, what are those two dogs doing?” To which the father replies, “They are making a puppy!”
Later that night Johnny wakes up and walks down the hall to his parents bedroom and catches his mother and father making love. Johnny asks his father, “Daddy what are you and mommy doing?”
To which the father replies, “Johnny we are making you a little sister.”
Johnny thinks for a few moments and responds, “Well, daddy could you roll her over? I’d rather have a puppy!”
Two Cannibal
First cannibal: I don’t know what to make of my husband these days.
Second cannibal: How about a curry?
Dancing
A blonde was at dance class learning how to do the splits. Her instructor said that she had to “open her legs wide”.
She replied, “I’m free Friday night, so you can meet me at the motel.”
TWO BEAR HUNTERS
Two men went bear hunting. While one stayed in the cabin, the other went out
looking for a bear. He soon found a huge bear, shot at it but only wounded it.
The enraged bear charged toward him, he dropped his rifle and started running
for the cabin as fast as he could.
He ran pretty fast but the bear was just a little faster and gained on him
with every step. Just as he reached the open cabin door, he tripped and fell
flat. Too close behind to stop, the bear tripped over him and went rolling into
the cabin.
The man jumped up, closed the cabin door and yelled to his friend inside, “You
skin this one while I go and get another one!”
Chicken Joke: Dirty!
What do you call a chicken that crosses the road rolls in dirt and comes
back?
A dirty double crosser
Redneck Hero
Two boys are playing football in the Golden Gate Park when one is attacked by a Rottweiler.
Thinking quickly, the other boy rips off a board of the nearby fence, wedges it down the dog’s collar and twists, breaking the dog’s neck.
A reporter who is strolling by sees the incident, and rushes over to interview the boy.
“Forty Niners fan saves friend from vicious animal”, he starts writing in his notebook.
“But I’m not a Niners fan,” the boy replies.
“Oakland Raiders fan rescues friend from horrific attack,” says the reporter as he writes in his notebook.
“I’m not a Raiders fan either,” the boy says.
“Then what are you?” the reporter asks.
“I’m a Cowboys fan!” the boy says proudly.
The reporter starts a new sheet in his notebook and writes, “Redneck bastard kills family pet!”
Submitted by Curtis
Edited by BreeBrown
Army Of The Lord
A friend was in front of me coming out of church one day and the preacher was standing at the door as he always is, to shake hands. He grabbed my friend by the hand and pulled him aside.The Pastor said to him, “You need to join the Army of the Lord!”My friend replied, “I’m already in the Army of the Lord, Pastor.”Pastor questioned, “How come I don’t see you except at Christmas and Easter?”He whispered back, “I’m in the secret service.”
Chicken and da road
Q: Why did the chicken cross da road?
A: To get to the other side
Blondes & Sex
Q: What does a blonde put behind her ears to make her more attractive? A: Her ankles.