When a man talks dirty to a women it’s sexual harassment, but
when a woman talks dirty to a man it’s $3.95 per minute!!
Author: admin
Ten Reasons Adam Was the Luckiest Man
1. He is the only man who has never been compared to the man she could have married.
2. He had no in-laws to drop in.
3. There were no Jones for him to keep up with.
4. There were no credit cards OR shopping centers.
5. He never had his dinner interrupted by window salesmen.
6. He got away with wearing a simple wardrobe.
7. He never had to shovel snow!
8. If he had gone bald, who would have known that wasn’t normal.
9. There was no “standard weight and height” tables – and the word FAT meant good.
10. When God asked “Adam, where are you?” He replied, “The woman you gave me was reading the map.”
A frog calls a psychic
Recently, the Psychic Hotline and Psychic Friends Network have launched hotlines for frogs. Here is the story of one frog and his discussing with his psychic.A frog telephones the Psychic Hotline and is told, “You are going to meet a beautiful young girl who will want to know everything about you.”The frog says, “This is great! Will I meet her at a party, or what?””No,” says the psychic. “Next semester in her biology class.”
Un profesor de matematicas quiere
Un profesor de matematicas quiere burlarse de sus alumnos y les dice: “Chicos, aqu� les va un problema: Un avi�n sale de Amsterdam con una velocidad de 400 km/h. La presi�n es de 1004 hectopascales, la humedad relativa es del 66% y la temperatura es de 22 grados. La tripulaci�n est� compuesta por 5 personas, la capacidad del avi�n es de 45 asientos, el ba�o est� ocupado y hay 5 azafatas. La pregunta es… �CU�NTOS A�OS TENGO?”.
Los ni�os se miran asombrados, mientras Pepito levanta la mano y responde: �44 a�os, profesor?. El maestro lo mira asombrado y le dice: S�, tengo 44 a�os, pero �c�mo adivinaste?. Y Pepito le contesta: “�Lo que pasa es que tengo un primo de 22 que es medio mam�n!”
Is Love True?
The young couple were holding hands in the Sunshine Gardens nudist camp.
“When I tell you I love you,” he asked, “why do you always lower your eyes?”
“To see if it’s true,” she answered shyly.
Monopoly Punny
It seems that, late in the war in Vietnam, the CIA became displeased with the amount of cooperation they were getting from the South Vietnamese government. So, they decided to stage a coup, depose then-President Thieu, and install someone more to their liking.
A special field agent, code name “Jack,” was dispatched to meet with the Saigon bureau chief (code named “Santa”), and work out a plan. The plan was that the local agents (code names “Comet,” “Cupid,” “Donner,” and “Blitzen”) would lay the groundwork, bribing guards, setting up escape routes, and so forth.
Then, on a specified night, “Jack” would assassinate the head of the army, General Po, by releasing poison gas into the ventilation system of his residence. Following this, he would kidnap President Thieu, who was thought to have some value alive, and take him to the coast, where “Jack’s” partner, “Jill,” would be waiting with a boat to take them to an offshore submarine.
All seemed to be going according to plan. Then, on the very day the coup was to be carried out, one of the local agents was captured by the South Vietnamese secret police! “Santa” knew that this particular agent wasn’t very good at resisting torture, and would soon be screaming out all he knew. Knowing he had to work fast, “Santa” wrote up a special coded message, and had a courier get it to “Jack” immediately.
Luckily for the CIA, “Jack” received the message in time, so the plan was aborted, and a messy international incident was averted. The message “Santa” sent, after decoding, read: “Go to Jill. Go directly to Jill. Do not gas Po. Do not collect Thieu–Donner hollers.”
Knock KnockWho’s there?Tamara!Tamara who?Tamara the
Knock KnockWho’s there?Tamara!Tamara who?Tamara the world!
40′ Long and Stinky
What is 40 feet long and smells like urine? Line dancing at the nursing home.
Nude Gardening
A woman’s garden is growing beautifully but the darn tomatoes won’t ripen. There’s a limit to the number of uses for green tomatoes and she’s getting tired of it.So she goes to her neighbor and says,”Your tomatoes are ripe, mine are green. What can I do about it?”
Her neighbor replies,”Well, it may sound absurd but here’s what to do. Tonight there’s no moon. After dark go out into your garden and take all your clothes off. Tomatoes can see in the dark and they’ll be embarrassed and blush. In the morning they’ll all be red, you’ll see.”
She says Well, what the heck it can’t hurt to try it.
Next day her neighbor asks how it worked.
“So-so,” she answers. “The tomatoes are still green but the cucumbers are all four inches longer.”
Psychoanalysis
Why is psychoanalysis quicker for men than for women?
When it’s time to go back to childhood, he’s already there.
Submitted by Glaci
Edited by Tantilazing
In a recent survey of 100 blondes, 90% said…
In a recent survey of 100 blondes, 90% said that
they experienced PMS.
The other 10% said “Get that microphone out of my face
or I’ll kill you”.
False Teeth
In a hurry to get a special dinner party, the guest speaker arrived and sat
down, only to realize he’d forgotten his false teeth. He explained his dilemma
to the man sitting next to him.
The man said, “No problem,” reached into his pocket and pulled out a of false
teeth. “Try these,” he said.
“Too loose,” the speaker said.
The man pulled out another pair.
“Too tight,” the speaker told him.
“I have one more pair.”
The speaker tried them and they fitted perfectly.
With that he ate his meal and gave his speech. When the dinner was over, he
went to thank the man who’d helped him.
“Where’s your office?” he inquired. “I’m looking for a good dentist.”
The man replied: “I’m not a dentist. I’m an undertaker.”