Q. What’s the definition of eternity?
A. The time between when you cum and she leaves.
Author: admin
a Barbie from Santa
A little girl is in line to see Santa. When it’s her turn, she climbs up on Santa’s lap. Santa asks, ‘What would you like Santa to bring you for Christmas’? The little girl replies, ‘I want a Barbie and G.I. Joe’. Santa looks at the little girl for a moment and says, ‘I thought Barbie comes with Ken’. ‘No’, said the little girl. ‘She comes with G.I. Joe, she fakes it with Ken.’
Exact Change
A man walks up to the bar with an ostrich behind him, and as he sits the bartender comes over, and asks for their order.The man says, “I’ll have a beer” and turns to the ostrich. “What’s yours?” “I’ll have a beer, too” says the ostrich. The bartender pours the beer and says “That will be $3.40 please,” and the man reaches into his pocket and pulls out exact change for payment.The next day, the man, and the ostrich come again, and the man says I’ll have a beer,” and the ostrich says “I’ll have the same.” Once again the man reaches into his pocket and pays with exact change.This becomes a routine until, late one evening, the two enter again.” The usual?” asks the bartender. “Well, it’s close to last call, so I’ll have a large scotch” says the man. “Same for me” says the ostrich. “That will be $7.20” says the bartender. Once again the man pulls exact change out of his pocket and places it on the bar.The bartender can’t hold back his curiosity any longer. “Excuse me sir. How do you manage to always come up with the exact change out of your pocket every time?””Well,” says the man, “several years ago I was cleaning the attic and I found an old lamp. When I rubbed it a Genie appeared and offered me two wishes. My first wish was that if I ever had to pay for anything, I just put my hand in my pocket, and the right amount of money will always be there.””That’s brilliant!” says the bartender. “Most people would wish for a million dollars or something, but you’ll always be as rich as you want for as long as you live!”That’s right! Whether it’s a gallon of milk or a Rolls Royce, the exact money is always there,” says the man.The bartender asks “One other thing, sir, what’s with the ostrich?”The man replies “My second wish was for a chick with long legs.”
The Top 13 Quotes From Animal Romance Novels (Part II)
13> Cynthia shivered with delight as her lover finally spoke those four words she had waited a lifetime to hear: “Who’s a pretty bird?”
12> With her passion sated, her breath returning and her love satisfied as it had never been before, there was nothing left for the black widow to do but to bite off and devour her lover’s head and go lay her eggs.
11> “Oink!” she snorted. It was just the word he needed to hear.
10> Elsie slowed deliberately, giving the grazing young bulls a languorous view of her asset — full, pink and pendulous. Her tail coyly swished, affording peek-a-boo glances irresistible to the randy nose-ringed, teats-and-grass trio. Oh, yes, there would be mounting tonight.
9> The leg bounced seductively, up and down, up and down — until Mr. Bojangles could no longer contain his passion.
8> Ed was a stud and he knew it. He liked to sow his oats and nothing could harness him. Sex was his mane concern and he loved to stirrup romance. When he was going at it, he would pace himself. He didn’t stall. He knew his bit. Yes, Ed was a stud.
7> Every antenna went up when she entered the burrow. She was one millipede with legs that wouldn’t quit.
6> Heartbroken at Rex’s departure, Fifi threw herself to the ground next to their special tree. Suddenly, she smelled the most beautiful love letter she’d ever received. “Be of good cheer, my love,” said Rex’s urine. “I shall return.”
5> He was dashing and confident, with the strut of a lemming who was going places. She couldn’t help but follow.
4> The collie was torn between duty and pleasure. The look in the German shepherd’s eyes told her he would not tolerate another child-down-the-well interruption.
3> Their licking and stroking intensified, stoking a passion matched only by the outback desert heat, until Junior’s ill-timed emergence from his pouch quickly and awkwardly dampened their raging libidos.
2> “Was it good for you?” asked Smokey, casually stamping out his cigarette on the forest floor.
1> He spent what seemed to be hours gently caressing her with his antennae and playfully pinching her with his claws. For a king crab, he was a very unshellfish lover.
[ The Top 5 List www.topfive.com ]
[ Copyright 2003 by Chris White ]
Estaba un borracho caminando tranquilamente
Estaba un borracho caminando tranquilamente en la calle y de repente se encuentra un muerto tirado debajo de una caseta telef�nica y decide llamar a la polic�a:
“Buenas noches, usted est� hablando a la estaci�n de polic�as, �cual es su problema?”
“He encontrado a un muerto” dice el borracho.
“Est� seguro de que est� muerto.”
“S�, se�or estoy seguro.”
“Muy bien, en que calle se encuentra.”
“Esp�reme, le vuelvo a llamar ahorita.”
Entonces el borracho se dirige a ver el nombre de la calle y apresurado regresa al tel�fono y vuelve a marcar.
“Buenas noches usted est� hablando a la estaci�n de polic�as, �cual es su problema?”
“Soy el del muerto.”
“Ah s� se�or, �cual es la calle?”
“Es… a ver, d�jeme volver a ir a ver.”
Vuelve a ir a ver el nombre de la calle y esta vez lo va repitiendo en su mente.”
“Buenas noches, usted est� hablando a la estaci�n de polic�as, �cu�l es su problema?
“Soy yo el del muerto.”
“Ah s�, usted, �c�mo se llama la calle?”
“Ah, es… a ching� otra vez se me olvid�.”
Va varias veces y siempre a la hora de marcar se le olvida el nombre de la calle. Hasta que por la duod�cima vez habla:
“Buenas noches, usted est� hablando a la estaci�n de polic�as, �cual es su problema?”
“El del muerto.”
“Ah otra vez usted, se�or, ahora s� d�game como se llama la calle.”
“Insurgentes.”
“Pero por que no lo dijo antes si no est� tan dif�cil.”
“�Es que el nombre de la otra estaba tan dif�cil que mejor mov� al muerto!”
Discussing the tax rates
A visitor from Holland was chatting with his American friend and was jokingly explaining about the red, white and blue in the Netherlands flag. “Our flag symbolizes our taxes,” he said. “We get red when we talk about them, white when we get our tax bill, and blue after we pay them.” “That’s the same with us,” the American said, “only we see stars, too.”
Tyson Crying?
Why does Mike Tyson cry during sex?
Mace will do that to you.
So fat
Your mamma is so fat she has to use a mattress as a tampon!
Yo momma’s so fat!
Yo momma’s so fat her butt looks like two pigs fighting over a Milk Dud!!
Neutron in bar
A neutron walks into a bar. “I’d like a beer” he says. The bartender promptly serves up a beer. “How much will that be?” asks the neutron. “For you?” replies the bartender, “no charge”
Windshield Bug
A man and a woman were driving down the road arguing about his deplorable infidelity when suddenly the woman reaches over and slices the man’s penis off and angrily tosses it out the car window.
Driving behind the couple is a man and his 12 year old daughter. The little girl is just chatting away at her father when all of a sudden, the penis smacks against the windshield, sticks for a moment, then flies off.
Surprised, the daughter asks her father, ‘Daddy, what was that?’
Not wanting to expose his twelve year old daughter to anything sexual at such a young age, the father replies, ‘It was only a bug, Honey.’
The daughter sits with a confused look on her face and after a few minutes says, ‘Sure had a big dick, didn’t it?’
My Only Extravagance
“Okay,” said the wife, “I’ll admit I like to spend money, but it’s the only extravagance I have!”