You have a color coordinating rope that ties down your car hood.You bring your dog to work with you.Your grandmother can correctly execute the sleeper hold.
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What kind of bunny…..
What kind of bunny drinks coffee?
Mugs bunny!
Knock KnockWho’s there?Japan!Japan who!Japan is
Knock KnockWho’s there?Japan!Japan who!Japan is too hot, ouch!
Her Splintered Crotch
A lady from California purchased a piece of timberland in Oregon. There was a
large tree on one of the highest points in the tract. She wanted to get a good
view of her land so she started to climb the big tree. As she neared the top,
she encountered a spotted owl that attacked her.
In her haste to escape, the lady slid down the tree to the ground and got many
splinters in her private parts. In considerable pain, she hurried to the nearest
doctor.
He listened to her story then told her to go into the examining room and he
would see if he could help her. She sat and waited for three hours before the
doctor reappeared.
The angry lady demanded, “What took you so long?”
The unperturbed doctor replied, “Well, I had to get permits from the
Environmental Protection Agency, the Forest Service, and the Bureau of Land
Management before I could remove old-growth timber from a recreational area.”
Happily Married
There was this couple that got married recently, and they both were happy about the whole thing.He was happy about the hole….She was happy about the thing…..
Bake A Long Time
Q: Why did the blonde bake a chicken for three and a half days?
A: It said cook it for half an hour per pound, and she weighed 125.
Q: How many auto mechanics
Q: How many auto mechanics does it take to change a light bulb?A: Two, one to screw in all the bulbs he has until he finds one that fits, and the other to tell you he thinks he’ll have to replace the whole socket.
Worst caddy
Bill was 26 over par by the eighth hole; he had landed a fleet of golf balls in the water hazard, and dug himself into a trench fighting his way out of the rough.
When his caddy coughed during a 12-inch putt, Bill exploded.
“You’ve got to be the worst caddy in the world!” he screamed.
“I doubt it,” replied the caddy. “That would be too much of a coincidence.”
Submitted by Calamjo
Edited by Curtis
According to the
According to the Knight-Ridder News Service, the inscription on the metal bands used by the U.S. Department of the Interior to tag migratory birds has been changed. The bands used to bear the address of the Washington Biological Survey, abbreviated, “Wash. Biol. Surv.” until the agency received the following letter from an Arkansas camper: “Dear Sirs: While camping last week I shot one of your birds. I think it was a crow. I followed the cooking instructions on the leg tag and I want to tell you it was horrible.”
Different hells
One day, this guy dies. Having not been the very best person, he
goes to hell. The first thing he sees is a huge, glamorous
hotel. So he goes there to check in. Insides there’s a lot of
beatiful women, free drinks, it’s just one continious party. Then
he goes outside, where there’s the most beautiful and huge garde
he’s ever seen. As he comes to a wall marking the edge of the
garden, he sees a a small hole in it. Looking out, he is
astonished to see people being tortured in the worst way on the
other side, boiling oil and flames everywhere. Picture real
hell, and you got what he sees. So he asks a guy who’s just
passing by on his side:
Say, if this where we are is hell, what’s that on the other side?
The other guy anwsers:
Well, that’s the Catholics, they want it that way.
Allies take action
Now this really is in poor taste…The Allies have decided to take action against Saddam Hussein.The Americans are sending 10,000 troops and two aircraft carriers.The French are sending 4,000 Legionaries.The British are sending 250 teenage au-pairs.
What starts with a &
What starts with a “c” and ends with a t,is hairy oval,delicious and contains thin whitish liquid? A COCONUT