yo mammas so stupid when she stiks a battery up her ass she says I got the power!
Author: admin
Reasons why Chocolate is Better than Sex
1. You can GET chocolate
2. “If you love me you’ll swallow that” has real meaning with chocolate
3. Chocolate satisfies even when it has gone soft
4. You can safely have chocolate while you are driving
5. You can make chocolate last as long as you want it to
6. You can have chocolate even in front f your mother
7. If you bite the nuts too hard the chocolate won’t mind
8. Two people of the same sex can have chocolate without being called nasty names
9. The word “commitment” doesn’t scare off chocolate
10. You can have chocolate on top of your workbench/desk during working hours without upsetting coworkers
11. You can ask a stranger for chocolate without getting your face slapped
12. You don’t get hairs in your mouth with chocolate
13. With chocolate there’s no need to fake it
14. Chocolate doesn’t make you pregnant
15. You can have chocolate any time of month
16. Good chocolate is easy to find
17. You can have as many kinds of chocolate as you can handle
18. You are never too young or too old for chocolate
19. When you have chocolate is does not keep your neighbors awake
20. With chocolate size doesn’t matter.
Questions and Answers!
Q: What’s the difference between a bad golfer and a bad skydiver?
A: A bad golfer goes, WHACK! “Damn.”
A bad skydiver goes, “Damn.” WHACK!
Q: What do you call skydiving lawyers?
A: Skeet.
Q: Why don’t blind people like to sky dive?
A: Because it scares the dog.
Q: How do crazy people go through the forest?
A: They take the psycho path.
Q: How do you get holy water?
A: Boil the hell out of it.
Q: What did the fish say when it hit a concrete wall?
A: “Dam!”
Q: What do Eskimos get from sitting on the ice too long?
A: Polaroids.
Q: What do you call a boomerang that doesn’t work?
A: A stick.
Q: What do you call cheese that isn’t yours?
A: Nacho Cheese.
Q: What do you call Santa’s helpers?
A: Subordinate Clauses.
Q: What do you call four bullfighters in quicksand?
A: Quatro sinko.
Q: What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?
A: Frostbite.
Q: What lies at the bottom of the ocean and twitches?
A: A nervous wreck.
Q: Where do you find a dog with no legs?
A: Right where you left him.
Q: Why do gorillas have big nostrils?
A: Because they have big fingers
Q: What kind of coffee was served on the Titanic?
A: Sanka.
Q: Why does a pilgrim’s pants always fall down?
A: Because they wear their belt buckle on their hat.
Q: How are a Texas tornado and a Tennessee divorce the same?
A: Somebody’s gonna lose a trailer.
OOPS! I BLEW
OOPS! I BLEW THAT ONE!A lawyer defending a man accused of burglary tried this creative defense: “My client merely inserted his arm into the window and removed a few trifling articles. His arm is not himself, and I fail to see how you can punish the whole individual for an offense committed by his limb.” “Well put,” the judge replied. “Using your logic, I sentence the defendant’s arm to one year’s imprisonment. He can accompany it or not, as he chooses.” The defendant smiled. With his lawyer’s assistance he detached his artificial limb, laid it on the bench, and walked out.
A blond and a coke machine
there was a blond and she walks up to a coke machine and puts in a doller a pushes a button and a coke comes out so she was doing that for a wile then this guy came up and said dont you think you have enough coke let go so she turned around and says cant you see i am winning here.
Compromising the case
At the height of a political corruption trial, the prosecuting attorney attacked a witness. “Isn’t it true,” he bellowed, “that you accepted five thousand dollars to compromise this case?” The witness stared out the window, as though he hadn’t hear the question. “Isn’t it true that you accepted five thousand dollars to compromise this case?” the lawyer repeated. The witness still did not respond. Finally, the judge leaned over and said, “Sir, please answer the question.” “Oh,” the startled witness said, “I thought he was talking to you.”
According to my calculations, the
According to my calculations, the problem doesn’t exist.
Marriage Schedules
Schedule of a Wife and Mother:
Attempt to wake husband.
Feed baby.
Make breakfast.
Change baby.
Wake kids.
Dress kids.
Walk dog.
Feed baby.
Drive kids to school.
Drag husband out of bed.
Do laundry.
Iron clothes.
Clean house.
Make husband lunch.
Feed and change baby.
Clean house again.
Walk dog again.
Pick up kids.
Pick up school stuff.
Clean up dog’s mess.
Make dinner.
Call repairman, plumber, electrician, and exterminator.
Swat flies.
Yell at kids.
Put kids to bed.
Change baby.
Go to Wal-Mart to stand on line for three hours to get one bag of chips for husband.
Clean house again.
Go to bed. Get up.
Comfort baby.
Let dog out.
Change baby.
Let dog in.
Get 10 minutes of sleep.
Schedule of a Husband and Father
Sleep.
Go to work.
Sleep.
Drink coffee.
Have wife pick up.
Watch football and drink beer.
Fall asleep.
Go to bathroom.
Lift one heavy object for begging wife.
Go to bed.
Get sleep while wife feeds baby.
Burning building
A blonde, brunette and a redhead run to the top of a burning building.
Below, a few firefighters are holding a blanket telling the redhead to jump.
When the redhead jumps the firefighters snatch the blanket away and she hits the concrete.
When the firefighters ask the brunette to jump she jumps and again they pull the blanket away.
When the firefighters ask the blonde to jump she replies, “I don’t trust you, so just put the blanket down and back away.”
Ugly Face
Hey, what are you going to do for a face when the baboon wants its ass back!
The Top 13 Items at the Vatican Garage Sale
13. Commemorative rack of crushed skulls from the Spanish Inquisition
12. Jesus’s senior-year woodshop project
11. “Papal World Tour ’97” satin roadie jacket
10. The Pope’s M*A*S*H Father Mulcahey lunch box
9. Inflatable altar boy
8. “World’s Funniest Confessions” audio tapes
7. John Paul’s Vatican League bowling shirt
6. Complete set of Michelangelo’s black velvet period
5. “Fires of Hell” Fondue set
4. Sinead O’Connor dart board, very used
3. Popemobile prototype based on a ’72 El Camino with sacred astroturf, fully stocked wetbar, hot tub and “Miracle Bass(tm)” sound system
2. Dog-eared copy of “Latin for Dummies”
1. Unused New Testament book: The Gospel According to Rhonda
[ This list copyright 1999 by Chris White ] [ The Top 5 List [email protected] http://www.topfive.com ]Yo mommas so old
yo mommas so old her birth certificate says expired