Yours Fun Portal !
Pepito oye ruidos en el cuarto de sus padres, as� que se levanta y se asoma a ver qu� pasa, y se encuentra a su madre saltando encima de su padre.
“�Pap�, mam�, que hacen?”
Contesta la madre: “Pues… eh… mira, es que pap� esta engordando, as� que estoy saltando encima de su panza para que adelgace.”
“Pero mama, eso no puede funcionar.”
“�Ah, no? �Por qu�?”
“Porque todos los d�as, despu�s de que t� te has ido al trabajo, la vecina viene a casa y vuelve a inflarle la barriga a pap�.”
EDITOR’S NOTE: I have no idea why Ridgefield is supposed to be filled with stupid people, feel free to insert your rival town wherever it says Ridgefield.Did you hear the story about the two half-wit brothers (local boys) that strolled into the Ridgefield Sportsman’s Bar one night? The bartender asked them, ”Do you know what has four arms, four legs and two heads and is really stupid?” The brothers shook their heads ‘no’. The bartender pointed at them and said, ”It’s you and your brother.” The brothers then decided to pull the same joke on someone else. They walked over to the pool table where twin brothers were playing pool and asked them, ”Do you know what has four arms. four legs, two heads and is really stupid?” One of the brothers of the first party couldn’t wait for them to answer, he said, ”It’s me and my brother.”Q: What magazine is banned in all Ridgefield stores? A: Good Housekeeping!The reason Ridge-runners (residents of Ridgefield) take their dogs to the ”Dog House” for baths is, when they do it themselves the dog hair sticks to their tongues.Q: What is a good looking girl in Ridgefield called? A: A tourist.
Tres amigos hablaban acerca de cuales consideraban las mejores posiciones durante el sexo:
“�El 69, ni hablar!” dice uno.
“A mi me fascina la del misionero” dice el otro.
“�No hay nada mejor que la del rodeo!” comenta el tercero.
Los otros dos amigos se miran con cara de asombro, y r�pido le preguntan en que consiste esa posici�n. El hombre les explica:
“Bueno, le dices a tu mujer que se ponga en cuatro patas y empiezas por detr�s; una vez que las cosas se pongan bien calientes, apoyas tu pecho sobre su espalda, la abrazas fuertemente, y con delicadeza le susurras al o�do: ‘esta posici�n le fascina a mi secretaria’… e intentas mantenerte encima de ella por m�s de ocho segundos.”
Un buen d�a, un mexicano y un gringo estaban divirti�ndose con el Bungee-jumping. De pronto, al yanqui se le ocurre una brillante idea y le propone al mexicano:
“You know, we could make a lot of money running our own bungee jumping service in Mexico.”
(Sabes, podr�amos hacer mucho dinero con el negocio de Bungee Jumping en M�xico).
Al mexicano no le parece mala la idea, as� que ambos sacan sus ahorros del banco y compran todo lo necesario para iniciar su business: las cuerdas el�sticas, seguros, etc. Y comienzan a buscar lugares para iniciar la construcci�n de la torre de Bungee Jumping.
Cuando reci�n empiezan la construcci�n, obviamente, la curiosidad llama a una multitud de vecinos. Poco a poco llega m�s y m�s gente mientras ellos siguen con su trabajo. Al terminar, deciden hacer una demostraci�n para la congregaci�n de curiosos.
El estadounidense pide saltar primero. La cuerda se estira al m�ximo y regresa. El mexicano observa al norteamericano con unos ligeros cortes sobre su rostro y algunos rasgu�os. La algarab�a crece entre la multitud y hasta se escucha que han organizado canciones. El mexicano intenta detener al gringo, pero falla y �ste vuelve a caer. Nuevamente la cuerda se estira a su m�ximo y vuelve a subir. Esta vez el mexicano, asombrado, nota que el pobre yanqui tiene magulladuras y est� sangrando. Con poca fortuna, esa vez tampoco lo puede detener arriba, as� que el tipo vuelve a caer. La siguiente vez, el pobre hombre regresa hecho un desastre: la ropa toda rota, sangre por todos lados, huesos rotos y semiconsciente. Sin embargo, la algarab�a crec�a en la base de la torre. Afortunadamente, en esa ocasi�n el mexicano si logra detenerlo y le pregunta desesperado:
“What happened? Was the cord too long?”
(�Qu� pas�? �La cuerda estaba muy larga?
“No, no, the cord was fine. But WHAT THE HELL IS LA PI�ATA?”
(No, no, la cuerda est� bien, pero �qu� diablos es la pi�ata?)
Conversaban dos hombres en un bar cuando uno pregunta:
“Disculpa la pregunta, �pero a ti te cae bien tu suegra?”
“No, para nada.”
“Entonces �por qu� llevas una fotograf�a de ella en el paquete de cigarrillos?”
“�Ah! Es que quiero dejar de fumar.”
One Sunday morning a minister and a choirboy were getting the church ready for mass. The minister prepared his sermon while the choirboy filled the holy water fountain.
Suddenly, the choirboy burst into the minister’s room and yelled, “father father, I just saw the most amazing thing! I filled the holy water fountain. Then a man came in on crutches. He moved to the fountain, dipped his left hand in the holy water, blessed himself and threw away his left crutch. Then he dipped his right hand in the holy water, blessed himself and threw away his right crutch. Then he turned to me … and he took a step forward”!
The minister was awe struck by what he just heard. “My boy, he said, you just witnessed a miracle from God! Where’s this man now?”
The Choirboy replies…
“flat on his face in front of the holy water fountain”!
A policeman was patrolling a local parking spot overlooking a golf course. He drove by a car and saw a couple inside with the dome light on. There was a young man in the driver’s seat reading a computer magazine and a young lady in the back seat knitting. He stopped to investigate.
He walked up to the driver’s window and knocked. The young man looked up, cranked the window down, and said, “Yes Officer?”
“What are you doing?” the policeman asked.
“What does it look like?” answered the young man. “I’m reading this magazine.”
Pointing towards the young lady in the back seat, the officer then asked, “And what is she doing?”
The young man looked over his shoulder and replied, “What does it look like? She’s knitting.”
“And how old are you?” the officer then asked the young man.
“I’m nineteen,” he replied.
“And how old is she?” asked the officer.
The young man looked at his watch and said, “Well, in about twelve minutes she’ll be sixteen.”
Q. Why are blonde jokes so short?
A. So men can remember them.
Q: Why do blondes wear shoulder pads?
A: (With a rocking of the head from side to side) I dunno!
Q: How do you kill a blonde?
A: Put spikes in their shoulder pads.
Q: How do blondes pierce their ears?
A: They put tacks in their shoulder pads.
A professor teaching medicine at the university was tutoring a class on
‘Observation’. He took out a jar of yellow-colored liquid. “This,” he explained,
“is urine. To be a doctor, you have to be observant to color, smell, sight, and
taste.”
After saying this, he dipped his finger into the jar and put it into his
mouth. His class watched on in amazement, most, in disgust. But being the good
students that they were, the jar was passed, and one by one, they dipped one
finger into the jar and then put it into their mouth.
After the last student was done, the lecturer shook his head. “If any of you
had been observant, you would have noticed that I put my 2nd finger into the jar
and my 3rd finger into my mouth.”
Lesson learned!
I’m fat, but you’re ugly and I can lose weight!
A man boards an airplane and takes his seat. As he settles in, he glances up and sees a very beautiful woman boarding the plane. He soon realizes she is heading straight towards his seat. Low and behold, she takes the seat right beside his. Eager to strike up a conversation, he blurts out, ” Business trip or vacation?” She turns, smiles and says, “Business. I’m going to the annual nymphomaniac Convention in Chicago.” He swallows hard. Here is the most gorgeous woman he has ever seen sitting next to him and she’s going to a meeting for nymphomaniacs! Struggling to maintain his composure, he calmly asks “What’s your business role at this convention?” “Lecturer”, she says.”I use my experience to debunk some of the popular myths about sexuality.” “Really”, he says, “what myths are those?” “Well,” she explains, “one popular myth is that African American men are the most well endowed when, in fact, it’s the Native American Indian who is most likely to possess that trait. Another popular myth is that French men are the best lovers, when actually it is the men of Jewish descent. However, we have found that the best potential lover in all categories is the Southern Redneck.” Suddenly the woman becomes a little uncomfortable and blushes.”I’m sorry”, she says.”I shouldn’t be discussing this with you. I don’t even know your name!” “Tonto”, the man says, “Tonto Goldstein. But my friends call me Bubba.”