Charlie no more.

Joe was sitting in his favorite bar having a few beers after work, when a beautiful woman sat down next to him. She looked vaguely familiar, but he couldn’t quite place her.

“Hi, Joe”, she said. “I haven’t seen you in a long time.”

Joe was puzzled. “Charlie, is that you?” What are you doing dressed up like a woman?”

“Well, Joe. It’s a long story, but the bottom line is that I always felt like a woman trapped in a man’s body, so I finally decided to do something about it. After a number of operations, I am now a woman.”

Joe was initially shocked, but after admiring Charlie’s breasts, he said, “Damn, Charlie, I bet it was pretty painful to have those implants put in.”

“Yeah, but that wasn’t the most painful part.”

Joe’s gaze lowered, and he got a sick feeling in his stomach. “Oh shit. You mean you had your penis and testicles cut off? I bet that was awful.”

“Yes, that was pretty painful, but that wasn’t the worst part.”

“I don’t believe it, Charlie. What could possibly be worse than that?”

“The final operation was the worst.
That was when they did a craniotomy and took out half of my brain!”

HMO Executive

The Doctor, The Farmer and the H.M.O. executive die and are met at the Pearly
gates of Heaven by St. Peter.
St. Peter tells the Doctor, “you took care of the sick and dying while on
earth, you are welcome to enter Heaven”.

St. Peter then speaks to the Farmer and tells him, “while on earth you
nourished and fed the people, you are welcome to enter Heaven”.

Then St. Peter looks over at the H.M.O. Executive and says, “you can come in
for three days”.

In the desert

There was a englishman, an scot and an irish man.

They were in the middle of the desert when their jeep broke down and they all decided to take one piece of the jeep each and so the englishman took the roof: the scot took the seat and the irishman took the door.

When they reach a village they reached a village they all told each other why they had brough each piece of the car, the englishman said he had brought the roof for shelter, the scot said that he had brought the seat to sit on when he was tried and the irishman said he had brought the door so ha could wind down the window when it got hot.

Wishes

One day Buddy and Ruddy come upon a genie. The genie says, “You EACH get three wishes.” So Buddy wishes, “I wish for all the beautiful women in the state.” The genie grants that. Then Ruddy says, “I wish for a million dollars.” The genie grants that. Then Buddy wishes, “I want all the beautiful women in the COUNTRY.” The genie grants that.” Then Ruddy wishes, “I would like a Harley Davidson motorcycle.” So the genie grants that. Then Buddy wishes, “I wish for all the women in th WORLD!” The genie hesitates and grants that. Then Ruddy wishes, “I wish that Buddy was a woman.”

Inspecting the truck

A young man was walking into town one day when a wood hauler gave him a ride.After traveling about a mile or two, the truck was stopped by the highway patrol for a weight check and inspection.The truck inspection revealed the truck had slick tires; no horn; no head, tail or signal lights; no windshield wipers. Also, it was overloaded and had bad brakes.”Mister,” the patrolman said to the driver, “I think the best way to charge you is ‘hauling wood without a truck.'”

Miltary Humor

An Army General, a Marine General and a Navy Admiral were all enjoying a round of brew when they decided to have a contest.

“Let’s see which service has the most balls,” one of them said, and the rest agreed.

So the Army General took them to his base, went out to the Rifle Range and, finding a soldier, ordered him, “Son, run out there in the middle of all that weapons fire and fetch me a white rock.”

The soldier complied.

The General turned to his friends and stated, “Now, that’s balls.”

The Marine General took them to just outside his base, found a young Fire Eater and told him, “Marine, see that Biker Bar across the street? Go in there and tell them they’re all a bunch of a-hole, un-American sissies who couldn’t fight their way out of a whore house.”

The Marine complied, got his ass kicked, and came back out.

“That’s balls,” said the General.

The Admiral smirked a bit and took them to the Naval Base. Stopping at a pier, he got out, grabbed a bullhorn and shouted to a young Seaman who was painting the mast, 50 feet above the deck. “Hey Sailor, I want you to swan dive your sorry ass off that mast down here to me….that’s an order.”

The seaman looked down at the Admiral and yelled back, “Fuck you, sir.”

The Admiral smiled at his friends and said, “Gentlemen, game, set, match.”

Submitted by Yisman
Edited by Curtis

Ways to confuse a roommate

These are intended for entertainment purposes only. We do not advise that you ever do these things to a roommate or yourself.166. Create an army of animal crackers. Put them through basic training. Set up little checkpoints around the room. Tell your roommate that the camel spotted him/her in a restricted area and said not to do it again. Ask your roommate to apologize to the camel.