The wife says: How much do you love me?The wife means: I did something today you’re not going to like.The wife says: I’ll be ready in a minute.The wife means: Kick off your shoes and take an hour nap.The wife says: Am I fat?The wife means: Tell me I’m beautiful.
Author: admin
Difference between fear and panic
Whats the difference between fear and panic?
Fear: That someone might come along and stick an Umbrella up your ass…
Panic: That they decide to open it up while its still in there….
When you come in to spank me
His father sends a small boy to bed.
Five minutes later… “Da-ad…”
“What?”
“I’m thirsty. Can you bring drink of water?”
“No. You had your chance. Lights out.”
Five minutes later: “Da-aaaad…”
“WHAT?”
“I’m THIRSTY. Can I have a drink of water?”
“I told you NO!” If you ask again, I’ll have to spank you!”
Five minutes later: “Daaaa-aaaad…”
“WHAT!”
“When you come in to spank me, can you bring a drink of water?”
Picking Up Nun’s
A hippie gets onto a bus and proceeds to sit next to a Nun in the front seat. The Hippie looks over and asks the Nun if she would have sex with him.
The Nun surprised by the question politely declines and gets of at the next stop.
When the bus starts on it’s way the bus driver says to the hippie, “if you want I can tell you how you can get that nun to have sex with you.”
The hippie of course says that he’d love to know so the bus driver tells him that the every Tuesday evening at midnight the nun goes to the cemetery to pray to the lord. “If you went dressed in robes and some glowing powder,” said the bus driver(male), “you could tell her you were God and command her to have sex with you.”
Well the Hippie decides to try this out so that Tuesday he goes to the cemetery and waits for the nun and right on schedule the nun shows up. When she’s in the middle of praying the hippie walks out from hiding, in robes and glowing with a mask of god. “I am God, I have heard your prayers and I will answer them but you must have sex with me first.”
The nun agrees but asks for anal sex so she might keep her virginity. The hippie agrees to this and quickly sets about to go to work on the nun. After the Hippie finishes, he rips off his mask and shouts out, “Ha ha, I’m the hippie!!”
The nun replied by whipping off her mask and shouting, “Ha ha, I’m the bus driver!!!”
New Political Partie
A lot of voters are getting a little bored with the 2-party system. Even the Reform Party and the Libertarian Party aren’t making much of a showing this year. So the editors at Shagmail have created a list of the Top Ten independent political parties we’d like to see.10. The Crack Party… We’re split down the middle. 9. The Mouth Party… And you’re invited to cum.9. The Gay/NRA Party… We’re here, we’re queer. YOU GOT A PROBLEM WITH THAT?7. The Pity Party… C’mon, we never win anything. Vote for us once, will ya? 6. The Private Party… No comment. 5. The Cocktail Party… Cock and Tail – does it get any better than this? 4. The Search Party… Looking for members. 3. The Keg Party… Dude, we could so totally run the country. 2. Non-partisan party… We believe in what you believe in. And the number 1 independent political party we’d like to see: 1. The Beaver Party… Oh, forget it – we’ve already got Bush.
The skeliten
Q.Why did the skeliten cross the rode?
A.To prove it had guts.
Debido al incremento de los
Debido al incremento de los problemas resultantes por el consumo de alcohol, el Gobierno ha sugerido a las compa��as cerveceras y empresas destiladoras incluir inmediatamente algunos de los siguientes mensajes de advertencia en todos sus productos:
ADVERTENCIA: El consumo de alcohol es la causa principal de bailar como idiota.
ADVERTENCIA: El consumo de alcohol puede causar que diga la misma historia aburrida una y otra vez hasta que sus amigos decidan propinarle una paliza.
ADVERTENCIA: El consumo de alcohol puede llevarlo a pensar que sus ex-novias est�n realmente desesperadas y deseosas de que les llame por tel�fono a las cuatro de la ma�ana.
ADVERTENCIA: El consumo de alcohol puede hacerlo pensar que est� susurrando cuando no es as�.
ADVERTENCIA: El consumo de alcohol puede causar que dshiga cozax como eshtaj.
ADVERTENCIA: El consumo de alcohol puede llevarlo a no saber qu� rayos le ocurri� a su pantal�n.
ADVERTENCIA: El consumo de alcohol puede llevarlo a pensar que es Superman.
ADVERTENCIA: El consumo de alcohol puede hacerle creer que puede conversar en forma l�gica con miembros del sexo opuesto.
ADVERTENCIA: El consumo de alcohol puede hacerlo pensar que es experto en karate.
ADVERTENCIA: El consumo de alcohol puede causar que por la ma�ana mire al otro lado de su cama y vea algo escalofriante (cuyo nombre y/o especie no puede recordar).
ADVERTENCIA: El consumo de alcohol es la causa principal de las marcas de alfombra en su frente.
ADVERTENCIA: El consumo de alcohol puede crearle la ilusi�n de que es m�s fuerte, listo y guapo que un tipo realmente grandote llamado FRANZ.
ADVERTENCIA: El consumo de alcohol puede llevarlo a pensar que es invisible.
ADVERTENCIA: El consumo de alcohol puede llevarlo a pensar que la gente se est� riendo con usted.
ADVERTENCIA: El consumo de alcohol puede causar una inflexi�n en la continuidad tiempo-espacio, con peque�os (y a veces grandes) lapsos, que le puede hacer creer que literalmente desaparecen.
ADVERTENCIA: El consumo de alcohol puede provocar embarazo.
Green Lipstick
Q: Why do blondes wear green lipstick?
A: Because red means stop.
Realization of another White House
Realization of another White House intern… “And all the time I
thought that humming was the shredder!”
Honeybees
Two bees meet at a local rosebush.First Bee: You look horrible — emaciated. Have you been getting enough to eat?Second Bee: I know. Haven’t been lucky. I’m practically starving.First Bee: Hey! There’s a Bar Mitzvah just a couple of hundred yards down the road. They always have plenty of flowers & a lot to eat. Try thereSecond Bee: OK. I’ll see what I can find (off he flies)The following day they meet at the same rose bushFirst Bee: Hey, you look a lot better. Did you find the Bar Mitzvah?Second Bee: Yea! Boy what food!First Bee: Hey, what are you wearing on your head?Second Bee: Oh, that’s a yarmulke. I didn’t want those Jews to think I was a WASP
Death-Bed
An old man, who had lived a long a prosperous life, with
8 beautiful children and a loving and caring wife, is on his
death-bed, with his wife is right by his side. He says to her,
“Honey, I love you and all, but there’s something that’s been
bothering me for awhile. The last child that you had…he
doesn’t look like the rest of the kids. Grant me one last wish
and tell me who the real father was.”
The old woman looks him straight in the eye, and with a
honest tone says, “You.”
Q: How many Germans does
Q: How many Germans does it take to screw in a light bulb?A: Ve are asking ze qvestions here!