Una pareja joven, con un

Una pareja joven, con un ni�o de cinco a�os, estaba ya cansada de que el peque�o les interrumpiera en los momentos m�s inoportunos mientras hac�an el amor. Al fin, al padre se le ocurre una soluci�n:

“Mira, Pepito, tu mam� y yo vamos a hablar de nuestras cosas aqu� al lado, en nuestra recamara. S� un ni�o bueno, as�mate a la ventana y cu�ntanos lo que ves, �s�?”

El nene comienza:

“Hay una se�ora paseando a su perro. Un autob�s rojo est� pasando. Los vecinos de enfrente est�n teniendo sexo otra vez…”

“�C�mo sabes t� eso?”, gritan sus padres.

“�Es que su hijo peque�o tambi�n se est� asomado a la ventana haci�ndose pendejo como yo!”

The Doll

One day a very drunk guy was walking down the road and found ten
dollars. Since he was very horny he decided to go to the whore
house across the street and see what he could get since he had
noone to go home to.

When he gets over there he shows the woman at the front counter
the money and asks what he can get. She realized he was drunk
and he probally wouldn’t notice if she put him in the room with
the blow-up doll. She took him up stairs, told him to have a
good time, and went back down stairs.

After about twenty minutes she heard wimpering coming from the
room. So she walks up there and asks what wrong. His
reply…Everything was going great until I bit her ass and she
flew out the window!

Suicide Blonde

A Blonde came home one day from work and found her boyfriend in
bed with another woman. She was so devastated that she grabbed
the gun out of the dresser drawer and put it up to her head
threatening to commit sucide.

The boyfriend in shock screams, “No honey don’t do it, I am so
sorry!” Then the blonde says, “Shut up! You’re next!”

Elephant Fall Into a Deep Pit

This joke involves an elephant who is walking through the jungle. And all of a sudden he falls into a pit and is stuck there. The elephant is stuck in this pit and realizes that he is going to die, so naturally he start to scream.

By chance a chicken hears the screaming of the elephant and decides to investigate. He sees the elephant stuck in the pit and shouts to the elephant: “Don’t worry, I am going to save you”.

The chicken then calls on the King of the Jungle. The King of the Jungle promptly arrives in his Red Porsche. He throws a rope from the Porsche into the pit, the elephant ties it around himself and the King of the Jungle pulls him out of the pit. The elephant is saved (loud applause).

So grateful is the elephant to the chicken that he promises him that he will one day do the same for him (if the chicken should ever be in mortal danger). As chance would have it, the next week the elephant is walking thru’ the jungle and hears the screaming of a chicken. He wanders over and sees that his friend the chicken is stuck in a pit. (ohh, gosh)

The elephant shouts “Don’t worry chicken I will save you”.

So the elephant throws his tail into the pit. However this tail is too small and the chicken cannot reach it. Undeterred by this, the elephant throws in his trunk, but, alas this also is too small. As a last desperate effort the elephant throws in his his penis. Sucess! The chicken grabs the elephants enormous penis and climbs out to safety.

Moral of the story: “If you have a big dick you don’t need a red Porsche to pull a chick.”

Blind pig n blind rabbit

Theres a blind pig and a blind rabbit running through the bush,next minute bang they run into each other,the pig says to the rabbit,sorry i would have avioded you but im blind, the pig said i would have avoided you but im blind too.The rabbit says well lets play a game lets feel each other up and see what each other are,the pig says fair enough il go first, you have a nice fluffy tail,big long ears…your a rabbit.Rabbit goes my turn you got thick course hair, you smell like shit,you got a flat wet nose…your an abbo…

Translating Hebrew

A team of archaeologists were excavating in Israel when they came upon
a cave. Written across the wall of the cave were the following
symbols, in this order of appearance: A woman, a donkey, a shovel, a
fish, and a Star of David. They decided that this was a unique find
and the writings were at least three thousand years old. They chopped
out the piece of stone and had it brought to the museum where
archaeologists from all over the world came to study the ancient
symbols. They held a huge meeting after months of conferences to
discuss the meaning of the markings.

The President of the society stood up and pointed at the first drawing
and said: “This looks like a woman. We can judge that this race was
family oriented and held women in high esteem. You can also tell
they were intelligent, as the next symbol resembles a donkey, so,
they were smart enough to have animals help them till the soil.”

“The next drawing looks like a shovel of some sort, which means they
even had tools to help them.”

“Even further proof of their high intelligence is the fish which means
that if a famine had hit the earth, whereby the food didn’t grow, they
would take to the sea for food.”

“The last symbol appears to be the Star of David which means they were
evidently Hebrews.”

The audience applauded enthusiastically.

Suddenly a little old Jewish man stood up in the back of the room and
said, “Idiots! Hebrew is read from right to left. It says: “Holy
Mackerel, Dig The Ass On That Woman!”

The 3 shrinks!

While attending a convention, three psychiatrists take a walk.

“People are always coming to us with their guilt and fears,” one says, “but we have no one to go to with our own problems.”

“Since we’re all professionals,” another suggests, “why don’t we hear each other out right now?”
They agreed this is a good idea. The first psychiatrist confesses, “I’m a compulsive shopper and deeply in debt, so I usually overbill my patients as often as I can.”

The second admits, “I have a drug problem that’s out of control, and I frequently pressure my patients into buying illegal drugs for me.”

The third psychiatrist says, “I know it’s wrong, but no matter how hard I try, I just can’t keep a secret.”

Magicians Parrot

A young magician started to work on a cruise ship with his pet parrot. The parrot would always steal his act by saying things like, “He has a card up his sleeve!” or “He has a dove in his pocket.”

One day the ship sank and the magician and the parrot found themselves alone on a lifeboat. For a couple of days, they just sat there looking at each other. Finally, the parrot broke the silence and said, “Okay, I give up. What did you do with the ship?