Q. Why do blondes where pig tails?
A. Handle bars
Author: admin
Ghostly Hump
Two drunks staggering home one night and one decides to take a shortcut through the cemetery. Half way through an apparition appears. “What’s that on your back?” the ghost asks.
“It’s a hump” says the drunk The ghost puts his hand on the drunk’s back and the hump disappears.
He races home and next night at the pub he tells his mate all about it. His mate is amazed and says he is going through the cemetery that night as he has a wooden leg and wants a proper leg. Again half way through the cemetery a ghost appears… “What’s wrong with your leg?” he asks.
“It’s a wooden leg,” says the drunk.
“Have you got a Hump?” asks the ghost.
“No” replies the drunk. So the ghost puts his hand on the drunk’s back and says, “Here, you can have this one.
My wife’s an angel
First guy: “My wife’s an angel!”
Second guy: “You’re lucky, mine’s still alive.”
Seine
Q: Did you hear about the Frenchman who jumped into the river in Paris?
A: He was declared to be in Seine.
DUMB Questions Part 1!
A stitch in time saves nine. Nine what?
Are there any unguided missiles?
Are you breaking the law if you drive past those road signs that say “Do Not Pass”?
How can a stupid person be a smart-ass?
Do fat people go skinny-dipping or do they call it fat-dipping?
Crime doesn’t pay… does that mean my job is a crime?
Day light savings time – why are they saving it and where do they keep it?
Do blind dogs have seeing-eye humans?
Do crematoriums give discounts to burn victims?
Do hummingbirds hum because they don�t know the words?
Do people in Australia call the rest of the world ‘up over’?
When they asked George Washington for his ID, did he just whip out a quarter?
Does a man-eating shark eat women, too?
Does that screwdriver really belong to Phillip?
How can you tell when it is time to tune your bagpipes?
How come wrong numbers are never busy?
How did a fool and his money get together in the first place?
Here kitty kitty kitty
This chick goes to her docter and tells him that she can�t get any from her husband. So he gives her some pills and says �they are experimental pills, put two into his coffee and see what happens�.
So she does and the next morning come back and says “the sex was great what if I use ten?�
And the docter replied �they are experimental pills so try it and see what happens�.
So the next day she comes back and says �the sex was better, can I put the whole bottle in and see what happens.
The next morning a little boy walks up and says. �my mother�s dead, my sister�s pregnant, my arse hurts like hell and my father is sitting in the corner saying here kitty, kitty, kitty, kitty.”
Un joven, que practicaba el
Un joven, que practicaba el nudismo, recibi� una carta de su abuela en la cual le ped�a que, por favor, le mandara una fotograf�a reciente de �l. Como no ten�a otra, excepto la que se tom� en el campo nudista, decidi� enviarle esa, pero antes la parti� por la mitad.
Despu�s que hubo mandado la mitad de la fotograf�a por correo, se dio cuenta que hab�a cometido un grave error: le envi� a su abuela la mitad equivocada. Pero �l mismo se consol� pensando que como la anciana ten�a tan mala su vista, que tal vez ni cuenta se dar�a. Varios d�as despu�s, el nieto recibi� otra carta de su abuela:
“Hijito, te agradezco mucho la foto que me mandaste. Quiero sugerirte que deber�as cambiarte ese estilo de peinado, pues te hace ver muy cachet�n y muy chato”.
Le dice Venacio a Manolo:
Le dice Venacio a Manolo:
“�Y… bueno, qu� conten�a el portafolio que te hallaste el mes pasado?
“F�jate que pagar�s y letras.”
“�Y qu� has hecho con ellos?”
“�Pues los he ido pagando poco a poco!”
WATS RED AND HANGS FROM TREES??????…
WATS RED AND HANGS FROM TREES??????
A MONKEYS MISCARRIAGE!!!!!!!!
Chav jokes
Wot dya call a chav in a benda ?
Mush
Wot dya say 2 a chav in a suit?
Will da defendant plz rise
Wot dya say 2 a chav at work?
Can I ave a double cheeseburguer fries n a mcflurry plz
Wot dya call a chav in a fillin cabinet?
Sorted
Wot dya call a chav in a locker?
Safe
Wot dya call a chav in a box?
Inint
Redneck Medical Terms
Benign……………………..What you be after you be eight.
Bacteria……………………Back door to cafeteria.
Barium…………………….What doctors do when patients die.
Cesarean Section……….A neighborhood in Rome.
Catscan……………………Searching for Kitty.
Cauterize………………….Made eye contact with her.
Colic……………………….A sheep dog.
Coma………………………A punctuation mark.
D&C……………………….Where Washington is.
Dilate………………………To live long.
Enema……………………..Not a friend.
Fester………………………Quicker than someone else.
Fibula………………………A small lie.
G.I.Series………………..World Series of military baseball.
Hangnail………………….What you hang your coat on.
Impotent………………….Distinguished, well known.
Labor Pain……………….Getting hurt at work.
Medical Staff…………….A Doctor’s cane.
Morbid……………………A higher offer than I bid.
Nitrates…………………..Cheaper than day rates.
Node………………………I knew it.
Outpatient……………….A person who has fainted.
Pap Smear……………….A fatherhood test.
Pelvis………………………Second cousin to Elvis.
Post Operative………….A letter carrier.
Recovery Room………..Place to do upholstery.
Rectum…………………..Damn near killed him.
Secretion…………………Hiding something
Seizure……………………Roman emperor.
Tablet…………………….A small table.
Terminal Illness………..Getting sick at the airport.
Tumor……………………More than one.
Urine……………………..Opposite of mine.
Varicose………………….Near by/close by
Coconut Tree
What did the hurricane say to the coconut tree?Hold on to your nuts, this is no ordinary blow job!