ONE DAY A PERSON WENT INTO A TOWN AND SAW A HAUNTED HOUSE AND THE PERSON WALKED UP TO THE HOUSE AND WENT INSIDE HE HEARD A VOICE SAYING “I”M GONNA GET YOU I”M GONNA EAT YOU!”AND THE PERSON RAN OUT WENT TO HIS CAR AND CALLED THE POLICE THE POLICE CAME AND SENT ONE COP IN WHEN THE COP CAME IN HE HEARD A VOICE SAYING “I”M GONNA GET YOU I”M GONNA EAT YOU!” SO THAT COP RAN OUT ANOTHER COP CAME IN AND HEARD A VOICE SAYING “I”M GONNA GET YOU I”M GONNA EAT YOU!”SO THAT COP RAN OUT ANOTHER COP CAME IN AND HEARD A VOICE SAYING “I”M GONNA GET YOU I”M GONNA EAT YOU!” SO HE RAN OUT AND FINALLY ALL THE COPS CAME IN AND THEY HEARD A VOICE SAYING” I”M GONNA GET YOU I”M GONNA EAT YOU!” THEY LOOKED AND LOOKED AND ONE COP OPENED A CLOSET AND SAW A BOY PICKING HIS NOSE AND SAYING “I”M GONNA GET YOU I”M GONNA EAT YOU!”
Author: admin
your momma is so fat, that her first word…
your momma is so fat, that her first word was OINK!
Resolving an argument
Two women were at a bar. One looked at the other and said, “You know, 80 percent of all men think the best way to end an argument is to make love.” “Well,” said the other woman,” that will certainly revolutionize the game of hockey!”
This is really spooky…..
An anagram, as you all know, is a word or phrase made by or rearranging the letters of another word or phrase. The following are exceptionally clever. Someone out there either has way too much time to waste or is deadly at Scrabble.
Word When you rearrange the letters Dormitory Dirty Room Desperation A Rope Ends It The Morse Code Here come Dots Slot Machines Cash Lost in ’em Animosity Is No Amity Mother-in-law Woman Hitler Snooze Alarms Alas! No More Z’s Alec Guinness Genuine Class Semolina Is No Meal The Public Art Galleries Large Picture Halls, I Bet A Decimal Point I’m a Dot in Place Eleven plus two Twelve plus one Contradiction Accord not in it Astronomer Moon Starer Princess Diana End Is A Car Spin And Here is the Most Intriguing Part Year Two Thousand A Year To Shut Down
I’m listening, dear.
I haven’t spoken to my wife in 18 months. I don’t like to interrupt her.
Polak Garbage Bill
Q: What happens when a Polak doesn’t pay his garbage bill?
A: They stop delivering.
Doc Steadman
Two men were standing at adjacent urinals when one said to the other, “I’ll bet you were born in Newark, Ohio.”
“Why, that’s right!” said the second man in surprise.
“And I’ll bet you were circumcised when you were three days old.”
“Right again. But how’d you…..”
“And I’ll bet it was done by old Doc Steadman.”
“Well, yes, but how did you know?” asked the second man in amazement.
“Well, old Doc always cut them at a sixty-degree angle,” explained the first guy, “and you’re pissing on my shoe.”
Top 10 Signs Your Mall has a Bad Santa
10. Instead of saying, “Ho-Ho-Ho,” he hollers “Oy vey!”
9. He asks the mothers if they want to sit on his lap.
8. Resume includes appearing as Santa in “Naughty, Naughty Girls.”
7. You recognize him as a former NFL star doing Community Service hours.
6. He complains that the food court has no whiskey.
5. He refers to the wishing fountain as his “tip jar.”
4. He won’t talk to the kids without conferring with his lawyer.
3. He asks the kids to leave him milk and crack.
2. He Replaces Joe Camel as the new Camel cigarettes spokesman.
1. Before the kids sit on his lap he orders the elves to frisk them.
A Disgrace to the Family
There was a young pretty virgin girl who lived with her grandma.
She was invited to go on her first date. Before the date her
grandma took her aside and said to her, ” The boy is going to
try to kiss you; you will like that. But don’t let him do it.
The boy will try to feel your breast; you will like that. But
don’t let him do it. The boy will try to put his hands between
your legs; you will like that. But don’t let him do that. The
boy will try to get on top of you and have his way with you.
Most certainely don’t let him do that. He will disgrace your
dear family if you let him do that.”
The girl went on her date and when she came back her grandma
asked her how it went. The young girl said, “It was just like
you said Grandma! But, to reassure you. When he tried that
business with getting on top of me, I rolled him over, got on
top of him, and disgraced HIS family!”
The Dirty Old Man…
An old man was on the beach and walked up to a beautiful girl in a bikini –
“I want to feel your breasts” he exclaimed.
“Get away from me, you crazy old man” she replied.
“I want to feel your breasts, I will give you twenty dollars,” he says.
“Twenty dollars, are you nuts!? Get away from me!”
“I want to feel your breasts, I will give you ONE HUNDRED DOLLARS” he stated.
“NO! Get away from me!”
“TWO HUNDRED DOLLARS” he offered.
She paused to think about it, but then comes to her senses and said, “I said NO!”
“FIVE HUNDRED DOLLARS if you let me feel your breasts,” he claimed.
She thought, well he is old, and he seems harmless enough…and $500 IS a lot of money….
“Well, OK…but only for a minute.”
She loosened her bikini top and while both are standing there on the beach, he slid his hands underneath and began to feel… then he started saying, “OH MY GOD…OH MY GOD…OH MY GOD…” while he was caressing them.
Out of curiosity, she asked him, “Why do you keep saying, ‘Oh my god, oh my god’?”
While continuing to feel her breasts he answered, “OH MY GOD…OH MY GOD…OH MY GOD…
OH MY GOD, where am I ever going to get five hundred dollars?
How do you brainwash a blonde?
Give her a douche and shake her upside down.
No shit!
Two guys are in a locker room when one guy notices the other guy has a cork in his ass.
He says, “How’d you get a cork in your ass?”
The other guy says, “I was walking along the beach and I tripped over a lamp. There was a puff of smoke, and then a red man in a turban came oozing out.
He said, ‘I am Tonto, Indian Genie. I can grant you one wish.’
And I said, ‘No shit?!'”
Submitted by Curtis
Edited by Calamjo