�Doesn’t have all his dogs on one leash.
�Doesn’t know much, but leads the league in nostril hair.
�Elevator doesn’t go all the way to the top floor.
�Forgot to pay his brain bill.
�Her sewing machine’s out of thread.
�His antenna doesn’t pick up all the channels.
�His belt doesn’t go through all the loops.
�If he had another brain, it would be lonely.
�Missing a few buttons on his remote control.
�No grain in the silo.
�Proof that evolution can go in reverse.
Author: admin
Yo Daddy Is So Bald
Yo daddy is so bald, when he wears a turtleneck he looks like a broken condom.
Rooster in His Decli
An old farmer decided it was time to get a new rooster for his hens. The current rooster was still doing an okay job, but he was getting on in years and the farmer figured getting a new rooster couldn’t hurt. So he buys a new cock from the local rooster emporium, and turns him loose in the barnyard. Well, the old rooster sees the young one strutting around and he’s a little worried about being replaced. He walks up to the new bird.”So you’re the new stud in town? I bet you really think you’re hot stuff don’t you? Well I’m not ready for the chopping block yet. I’ll bet I’m still the better bird. And to prove it, I challenge you to a race around that hen house over there. We’ll run around it ten times and whoever finishes first gets to have all the hens for himself.” Well, the young rooster was a proud sort, and he definitely thought he was more than a match for the old guy. “You’re on,” he said, “and since I’m so great, I’ll even give you a head start of half a lap. I’ll still win easy!” So the two roosters go over to the henhouse to start the race with all the hens gathering to watch. The race begins and all the hens start cheering the old rooster on. After the first lap, the old rooster is still maintaining his lead. After the second lap, the old guy’s lead has slipped a little — but he’s still hanging in there. Unfortunately, the old rooster’s lead continues to slip each time around, and by the fifth lap he’s just barely in front of the young fella. By now the farmer has heard the commotion. He runs into the house, gets his shotgun and runs into the barnyard figuring a fox or something is after his chickens. When he gets there, he sees the two roosters running around the henhouse, with the old rooster still slightly in the lead. He immediately takes his shotgun, aims, fires, and blows the young rooster away. “Damn. That’s the third gay rooster I’ve bought this month.”
Things I’ve Learned from My Children
1. Garbage bags do not make good parachutes.
2. A 3-year-old is louder than 200 adults in a crowded
restaurant.
3. If you spray hair spray on dust bunnies and run over
them with roller blades, they can ignite.
4. If you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan, the motor is
not strong enough to rotate a 42-pound boy wearing Batman
underwear and a superman cape. It is strong enough,
however, to spread paint on all four walls of a large room.
5. When using the ceiling fan as a baseball bat, you have
to throw the ball up a few times before you get a hit. A
ceiling fan can hit a baseball a long way.
6. The glass in windows (even double pane) doesn’t stop a
baseball hit by a ceiling fan.
7. When you hear the toilet flush and the words “Uh-oh,”
it’s already too late.
8. Brake fluid mixed with Clorox makes smoke, and lots of
it.
9. A six-year-old can start a fire with a flint rock even
though a 36-year-old man says they can only do it in the
movies. A magnifying glass can start a fire even on an
overcast day.
10. Certain Legos will pass through the digestive tract of
a six-year-old.
11. “Play-Doh” and “microwave” should never be used in the
same sentence.
12. Super glue is forever.
13. No matter how much Jell-O you put in a swimming pool
you still can’t walk on water.
14. Pool filters do not like Jell-O.
15. VCRs do not eject PB&J sandwiches even though TV
commercials show they do.
16. A king size waterbed holds enough water to fill a 2000
sq. foot house 4 inches deep.
17. Marbles in gas tanks make lots of noise in a moving
car.
18. You probably do not want to know what that odor is.
19. Always look in the oven before you turn it on. Plastic
toys do not like ovens.
20. The spin cycle on the washing machine does not make
earthworms dizzy. It will, however, make cats dizzy.
21. Cats spit up twice their body weight when dizzy.
Black girls big lips
Question…….
Why do some black girls have bigger lips then others?
Answer……….
The black girls with the bigger lips had more practice
sucking the meat out of the hot sauced neck bone.
No Way!
A guy and his friend walk into a bar. The guy gets about as drunk as he can get with out passing out. Suddenly, he starts yelling “No Way!” over and over again. He keeps on doing this over and over until his friend comes over. He asks “Hey, what the fuck is your problem?”The guy replies “This guy here says that some guy named George W. Bush is our president!”So the friend replies “First of all, George W. Bush is our president, and second of all, your talking to a stool.”
Rednecks Visit a Whorehouse
There was 3 rednecks in New York City. One day while sight seeing they ran upon a whorehouse. Excited, they entered the whorehouse like kids entering a toy store.
The first redneck had $5.00, the second redneck had $10.00, and the third redneck had $15.00.
The first redneck approached the lady behind the desk and said ” I got $5.00!
What do I get for $5.00?”
The lady spoke over the intercom and said “Ginger– take this getleman upstairs and give him $5.00 worth!”
The first redneck came back downstairs grinning from ear to ear.
The oter two rednecks said “Man, what did you get for $5.00?”
The first redneck explained that she took it out of his pants she put whipped cream all over it, then licked it all off.
This exited the 2nd redneck and he quickly approached the lady at the desk. He said “Okay, I have $10.00!What do I get for $10.00?”
The lady spoke over the intercom and said” Tasha, take this gentleman upstairs and give him $10.00 worth!”
The 2nd redneck came downstairs, grinning from ear to ear, as if he was on Cloud Nine.
The other two rednecks met him and asked” Man, what did you get for $10.00?”
The 2nd redneck explained she took it out of his pants, put whipped cream on it, nuts and chocolate topping and she licked it all off.
This excited the 3rd redneck, so he nervously approached the lady at the desk and said, “I have $15.00. What can I get for $15.00?”
The lady turned on the intercom again and said” Melissa, take this gentleman upstairs and give him $15.00 worth!”
The 3rd redneck came downstairs with a huge frown on his face, and on the brink of tears.
Curious, the other 2 rednecks asked, “Man, why are you so sad. What could’ve went wrong? You had $15.00?”
The 3rd redneck said, “Boys, she took it out of my pants, put whipped cream all over it. Then she put strawberries, pinapple topping, chocolate syrup,nuts and a big cherry on top! It looked so good I ate it myself.”
Traintracks
Ya mamma is like traintracks….She gets laid around the country!
Searching the suspect
Jennifer Lopez, who was detained and questioned by police at the 35th precinct in NYC after a club shooting in a night club was not charged. It took the police 13 hours to exonerate her and 10 strip searches. “If I’m being strip searched, why do you, at the same time, have to frisk me?”
Iraqi ladies
A black man enters a bar with his gorilla. He says to the bartender, “I would like a beer, and a gin and tonic for my girlfriend here.”
The bartender looks at him like he’s nuts and says, ” I’m sorry but I don’t serve Gorillas in this bar.”
The man has an idea. He takes his girlfriend home and shaves her head, gives her a wig, dress, and makeup. Then he returns to the same bar. He places the same order and this time the bar tender gives it to them.
They go and sit in a corner while the bartender turns to his friend and says, “Damn! Did you ever notice how all the good looking Iraqi ladies that come in here, always seem to be with black men.
Ha ha ha
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Smart Blonde
Did you hear about the smart blonde? You won’t either.