Candidate Bill Clinton: Promised to increase minimum wagePresident Bill Clinton: Wants to keep the wage the sameCandidate Bill Clinton: Attacked Bush’s policy of sending illegal Haitians back to HaitiPresident Bill Clinton: Decided to maintain Bush’s policy on Haiti.Candidate Clinton, campaign ad, January 1992″I’ve offered a comprehensive plan to get our economy moving again….It starts with a tax cut on the middle class.”Candidate Clinton, Jan. 12, 1992″I want to make it very clear that this middle-class tax cut, in my view, is central to any attempt we’re going to make to have a short-term economic strategy.”President-elect Clinton, Jan 14, 1993″From New Hampshire forward, for reasons that absolutely mystify me, the press thought the most important issue in the race was the middle class tax cut. I never did meet any voter who thought that.”President Clinton, first Oval Office address, Feb. 15, 1993″I had hoped to invest in your [the middle class’s] future…without asking more of you. And I’ve worked harder than I’ve ever worked in my life to meet that goal. But I can’t.”Candidate Clinton, last presidential debate, Lansing Mich., Oct. 19, 1992″The real mistake he [President Bush] made was the ‘read my lips’ promise in the first place. You just can’t promise something like that just to get elected if you know there’s a good chance that circumstances may overtake you.”President-elect Clinton, press conference, Jan. 14, 1993″We have a structural deficit that is too high. The American people would think I was foolish if I said I will not respond to changing circumstances.”
Author: admin
En un elegante bar, un
En un elegante bar, un tipo se acerca a la mesa de una hermosa mujer que se encontraba sola.
“Disculpe, podr�a invitarle una copa”.
“�Est� Ud. loco! �Qu� me vio cara de prostituta?”, grita la f�mina.
El individuo, apenado, se regresa a su mesa seguido por la mirada de todos los clientes.
Despu�s de un rato, la chica se acerca a la mesa del caballero:
“Le ofrezco una disculpa. Soy psic�loga y estudio el comportamiento de la gente ante situaciones inesperadas.
“�Qu�, cinco mil pesos por una noche!”, exclama el hombre.
A�o 500 a.C.: Ven aqu�
A�o 500 a.C.: Ven aqu� y come esta ra�z que sanar�s.
A�o 1000: Esa ra�z es cosa de ateos, reza esta oraci�n a Dios que est� en el Cielo.
A�o 1792: Dios no est� en el cielo, la que rige es la raz�n. Ven aqu� y bebe esta p�cima.
A�o 1917: Esa p�cima es para enga�ar a la gente, te sugiero que tomes esta p�ldora.
A�o 1960: Esa p�ldora es anticuada y en desuso. Lleg� el momento de tomar un antibi�tico.
A�o 2000: Los antibi�ticos te dejan d�bil y desanimado. �ste es un tratamiento nuevo, consiste en comer esta ra�z.
Cannibals
A Frenchman, an Englishman, and a New Yorker were captured by cannibals. The chief comes to them and says, “the bad news is that now that we’ve caught you, we’re going to kill you. We will put you in a pot and cook you, eat you, and then use your skins to build a canoe. The good news is that you get to choose how you die.”The Frenchman says, “I take ze sword.” the chief gives him a sword, he shouts,”Vive la France!” and runs himself through.The Englishman says, “a pistol for me, please.” The chief gives him a pistol, he points it at his head, says, “God save the queen!” and pulls the trigger.The New Yorker says, “gimme the fawkin’ fork.” the chief is puzzled, but he shrugs and gives him a fork. The new Yorker takes the fork and starts jabbing himself all over–the stomach, the sides, the chest, everywhere. There’s blood gushing out all over, it’s horrible.The chief is appalled, and asks, “my God almighty, what are you doing?”The New Yorker says, “so much for your canoe, you stupid asshole!”
Yo Mamma
Yo Mamma is so fat, that when she asked for a water bed, they threw a blanked over the ocean
Retard on a Date
This cute guys finally gets this hot girl to go out with him but he has to find a date for her friend. He agrees because the date is 2 days away. To his surprise none of his friends could make it so he asks his retarded brother. The brother says’ “I wouldn’t know what to do.” The other brother says, “Just do what I do.” So the brother agrees. The night of the date they drive out to Lover’s Point. The brother jumps in the back seat with his girlfriend while the retard jumps in the front seat. He watches as his brother puts his hand down the front of the girl’s shirt, the retard does the same. He watches his brother puts his hand between the girl’s legs, the retard does the same. But to his surprise its wet so he quickly pulls away his hand is now bloody. So the retard pulls the girl to the front of the car and pulls out a first aid kit. He pulls down her pants and says “I’d be bleeding too if someone cut off my penis.”
uh uh uh
Why did the blondes guest feel special?
Beacause hewas always on top!
UN-PC Gun Safety
This is puportedly an excerpt from a recent live interview on one of the regional Welsh radio stationsA female newscaster is interviewing the leader of a Youth club:(this is more fun if you imagine thick/sweet Welsh accents)———————————————————–Interviewer: So, Mr. Jones, what are you going to do with these children on this adventure holiday?Jones: We’re going to teach them climbing, abseiling, canoeing, archery, shooting…Interviewer: Shooting! That’s a bit irresponsible isn’t it?Jones: I don’t see why, they’ll be properly supervised on the range.Interviewer: Don’t you admit that this is a terribly dangerous activity to be teaching children?Jones: I don’t see how, we will be teaching them proper range discipline before they even touch a firearm.Interviewer: But you’re training, and equipping them to become violent killers.Jones: Well, you are fully trained and equipped to be a prostitute, but you’re not one are you?Needless to say, the interview was terminated almostimmediately……
jesus christ superst
JESUS WALKS INTO A BAR +HOLDS OUT 3 NAILS +SAYS TO THE BARTENDER CAN YOU PUT ME UP FOR THE NIGHT
About three inches.
Q. What is the difference between “Ouch!” and “Amah!”?
A. About three inches.
New Rules!
Dear Employee:
As a result of the reduction of money budgeted for department areas, we are forced to cut down on our number of personnel.
Under this plan, older employees will be asked to take early retirement, thus permitting the retention of younger people who represent our future. Therefore, a program to phase out older personnel by the end of the current fiscal year, via retirement, will be placed into effect immediately.
This program will be known as SLAP (Sever Late-Aged Personnel). Employees who are SLAPPED will be given the opportunity to look for jobs outside the company.
SLAPPED employees can request a review of their employment records before actual retirement takes place. This review phase of the program is called SCREW.
SCREW (Survey of Capabilities of Retired Early Workers). All employees who have been SLAPPED and SCREWED may file an appeal with upper management.
This appeal is called SHAFT (Study by Higher Authority Following Termination).
Under the terms of the new policy, an employee may be SLAPPED once, SCREWED twice, but may be SHAFTED as many times as the company deems appropriate.
If an employee follows the above procedure, he/she will be entitled to get: HERPES (Half Earnings for Retired Personnel’s Early Severance) or CLAP (Combined Lump sum Assistance Payment).
As HERPES and CLAP are considered benefit plans, any employee who has received HERPES or CLAP will no longer be SLAPPED or SCREWED by the company.
Management wishes to assure the younger employees who remain on board that the company will continue its policy of training employees through our:
Special High Intensity Training (SHIT). We take pride in the amount of SHIT our employees receive. We have given our employees more SHIT than any company in this area. If any employee feels they do not receive enough SHIT on the job, see your immediate supervisor.
Your supervisor is specially trained to make sure you receive all the SHIT you can stand.
And, once again, thanks for all your years of service with us.
Boating
Last summer, down on Lake Isabella, located in the high desert, an hour east of Bakersfield, a blonde, new to boating was having a problem. No matter how hard she tried, she just couldn’t get her brand new 22-ft Bayliner to perform.
It wouldn’t get on a plane at all, and it was very sluggish in almost every maneuver, no matter how much power she applied. After about an hour of trying to make it go, she putted over to a nearby marina. Maybe they could tell her what was wrong.
A thorough topside check revealed everything was in perfect working order. The engine ran fine, the outdrive went up and down, the prop was the correct size and pitch. So, one of the marina guys jumped in the water to check underneath.
He came up choking on water, he was laughing so hard. Under the boat, still strapped securely in place, was the trailer.