A man and a woman who have never met before find themselves in the same sleeping carriage of a train. After the initial embarrassment, they both manage to get to sleep; the woman on the top bunk, the man on the lower.In the middle of the night the woman leans over and says, “I’m sorry to bother you but I’m awfully cold and I was wondering if you could possibly pass me another blanket.”The man leans out and, with a glint in his eye, says, “I’ve got a better idea… let’s pretend we’re married.””Why not?” giggles the woman.”Good,” he replies. “Get your own blanket!”
Author: admin
Definition of …
What’s the definition of “a shame” (as in, “that’s a shame”)?
When a busload of lawyers goes off a cliff.
What is the definition of a “crying shame”?
When there was an empty seat.
Fun to do during an exam
You should not attempt these things during an actual exam. The following is meant for entertainment purposes only.47. During the exam, take apart everything around you. Desks, chairs, anything you can reach.
Close Shave
A man enters a barber shop for a shave. While the barber is foaming him up, he mentions the problems he has getting a close shave around the cheeks. “I have just the thing,” says the barber taking a small wooden ball from a nearby drawer.”Just place this between your cheek and gum.”The client places the ball in his mouth and the barber proceeds with the closest shave the man has ever experienced. After a few strokes the client asks in garbled speech.”And what if I swallow it?””No problem,” says the barber.”Just bring it back tomorrow like everyone else does.”
If you win the Presidential election
A reporter once remarked to George W. Bush: “If you win the Presidential
election that will put the Bush legacy back into the oval office.”
“Knowing Bill Clinton,” replied George. “Bush never left the office.”
Mexican border crossing
why are the olympics never held in mexico?
because all the ones that can run,jump or swim are in america!
Peanuts
What don’t a mouse and an elephant share?
Answer: PEANUTS
The new rhea farmer
A computer programmer, bored with his job, decided to start his own business. Wanting to do something totally different from his current occupation, he bought a mating pair of rheas and a large tract of land. His rhea farm was soon doing a booming business as there appeared to be a great demand for the birds. Not being satisfied with just selling the birds, the rhea farmer started researching how the birds were being used. He found that all parts of the birds were being utilized, except the feathers. Nobody wanted the plainly colored rhea feathers. The ex-programmer, now rhea farmer, purchased some equipment, technical people, and chemicals, and was soon selling fancy, colored rhea feathers. The resulting sales were amazing and made the new feather merchant very happy. There was one small problem. The workers making the colored feathers were becoming quite ill. The concerned young man called in a number of doctors to determine the nature of the illness. It was discovered that without exception, the workers had developed a severe case of … “dye a rhea”.
What To Do?
One morning a local highway department crew reaches their
job-site and realizes they have forgotten all their shovels. The
crew’s foreman radios the office and tells his supervisor the
situation.
The supervisor radios back and says, “Don’t worry, we’ll send
some shovels… just lean on each other until they arrive.”
A very desperate marriage
A man really loved a woman, but he was just too shy to propose to her. Now he was up in his years and neither of them had ever been married. Of course, they dated about once a week for the past six years, but he was so timid he just never got around to suggesting marriage much less living together.But one day, he became determined to ask her the question. So he calls her on the phone, “June.””Yes, this is June.””Will you marry me?””Of course I will! Who’s this?”
Exerise For The Nonathletic
Calories can be burned by the hundreds by engaging in strenuous activities that do not require physical exercise.
Exercise________ Calories burned per hour
Beating around the bush -75
Jumping to conclusions – 100
Climbing the walls – 150
Swallowing your pride – 50
Passing the buck – 25
Throwing your weight around (depending on your weight) – 50-300
Dragging your heels – 100
Pushing your luck – 250
Making mountains out of molehills – 500
Hitting the nail on the head – 50
Wading through paperwork – 300
Bending over backwards – 75
Jumping on the bandwagon – 200
Balancing the books – 25
Running around in circles – 350
Eating crow – 225
Tooting your own horn – 25
Climbing the ladder of success – 750
Pulling out the stops – 75
Adding fuel to the fire – 160
Wrapping it up at the day’s end – 12
To which you may want to add your own favorite activities, including:
Opening a can of worms – 50
Putting your foot in your mouth – 300
Starting the ball rolling – 90
Going over the edge – 25
Picking up the pieces after – 350
Q: How many IBM CPU’s
Q: How many IBM CPU’s does it take to turn on a light bulb?A: 33 – 1 to process the instruction and 32 to process the interrupt.