Sometimes women are overly suspicious of their husbands…. When Adam stayed out very late for a few nights, Eve became upset. You’re running around with other women,” she told her mate. “Eve, honey, you’re being unreasonable,” Adam responded. “You know you’re the only woman on earth.” The quarrel continued until Adam fell asleep, only to be awakened by a strange pain in the chest. It was his darling Eve poking him rather vigorously about the torso. “What do you think you’re doing?” Adam demanded.”Counting your ribs,” said Eve.
Author: admin
Q: Why don’t they play poker in the jungle?
A: Too many cheetahs.
Y..o..u..r MOMMA
YOUR MAMAS sO FAT SHE HAS HER OWN AREA CODE
Why bikes are better than women!
1. Bicycles don’t pregnant.
2. You can ride your bicycle any time of the month.
3. Bicycles don’t have parents.
4. Bicycles don’t whine unless something is really wrong.
5. You can share your bicycles with your friends.
6. Bicycles don’t care how many other bicycles you’ve ridden.
7. When riding, you and your bicycle can arrive at the same time.
8. Bicycles don’t care how many other bicycles you have now.
9. Bicycles don’t care if you look at other bicycles.
10. Bicycles don’t care if you buy bicycle magazines.
11. You’ll never hear, “Suprise, you’re goning to own a new bicycle” unless you go out and buy one yourself.
12. If your bicycle goes flat, you can fix it.
13. If your bicycle is too loose, you can tighten it.
14. If your bicycle gets misaligned, you don’t have to discuss politics with it.
15. You can have a black bicycle and bring it home to your parents.
16. You don’t have to be jealous of the guy who works on your bicycle.
17. If you say bad things to your bicycle, you don’t have to apologize before you ride it again.
18. You can ride your bicycle as long as you want and it wont get sore.
19. You can stop riding your bicycle as soon as you want and it wont get frustrated.
20. Your parents wont remain in touch with your old bicycle after you dump it.
21. Bicycles don’t get headaches.
22. Bicycles don’t insult you if you’re a bad rider.
23. Your bicyle never wants a night out with other bicycles.
24. Bicycles don’t care if you’re late.
25. You don’t have to take a shower before you ride your bicycle.
26. If your bicycle doesn’t look good, you can paint it or get better parts.
27. You can ride your bicycle the first time you meet it without having to take it to dinner, see a movie, or meet its mother.
28. The only protection you need to wear when riding your bicycle is a decent helment.
29. When in mixed company, you can talk about what a great ride you
had the last time you were on your bicycle.
Undocumented Windows Errors
�WinErr: 001 Windows loaded – System in danger
�WinErr: 002 No Error – Yet
�WinErr: 003 Dynamic linking error – Your mistake is now in every file
�WinErr: 004 Erronious error – Nothing is wrong
�WinErr: 005 Multitasking attempted – System confused
�WinErr: 006 Malicious error – Desqview found on drive
�WinErr: 007 System price error – Inadeqaute money spent on hardware
�WinErr: 008 Broken window – Watch out for glass fragments
�WinErr: 009 Horrible bug encountered – God knows what has happened
�WinErr: 00A Promotional literature overflow – Mailbox full
�WinErr: 00B Inadeqaute disk space – Free at least 50MB
�WinErr: 00C Memory hog error – More Ram needed. More! More! More!
�WinErr: 00D Window closed – Do not look outside
�WinErr: 00E Window open – Do not look inside
�WinErr: 00F Unexplained error – Please tell us how this happened
�WinErr: 010 Reserved for future mistakes by our developers
�WinErr: 013 Unexpected error – Huh?
�WinErr: 014 Keyboard locked – Try anything you can think of.
�WinErr: 018 Unrecoverable error – System has been destroyed. Buy a new one. Old windows licence is not valid anymore.
�WinErr: 019 User error – Not our fault. Is Not! Is Not!
�WinErr: 01A Operating system overwritten – Please reinstall all your
software. We are terribly sorry.
�WinErr: 01B Illegal error – You are not allowed to get this error. Next time you will get a penalty for that
�WinErr: 01C Uncertainty error – Uncertainty may be inadeqaute.
�WinErr: 01D System crash – We are unable to figure out our own code.
�WinErr: 01E Timing error – Please wait. And wait. And wait. And wait.
�WinErr: 01F Reserved for future mistakes of our developers
�WinErr: 020 Error recording error codes – Remaining errors will be lost.
�WinErr: 042 Virus error – A virus has been activated in a dos-box. The virus, however, requires Windows. All tasks will automaticly be closed and the virus will be activated again.
�WinErr: 079 Mouse not found – A mouse driver has not been installed.
Please click the left mouse button to continue.
�WinErr: 103 Error buffer overflow – Too many errors encountered. Next errors will not be displayed or recorded.
�WinErr: 678 This will end your Windows session. Do you want to play another game?
�WinErr: 683 Time out error – Operator fell asleep while waiting for the system to complete boot procedure
�WinErr: 815 Insufficient Memory – Only 50,312,583 Bytes available
Lose 20 Lbs. Guaranteed!
There guy goes to a weight loss clinic and says he needs to lose 20 lbs. The
receptionist sends him upstairs, where he finds a beautiful naked woman with a
sign that says “If you catch me, you can screw me.” An hour later, he emerges,
sated and 20 lbs. lighter.
A month later, he returns and needs to lose 50 lbs. The receptionist sends him
upstairs again, but this time there are two girls with the same sign. A day
later, he comes out 50 lbs. lighter.
A year later, he returns and needs to lose 100 lbs. He gets sent upstairs
again, where he finds a huge gorilla with a sign that reads “If I catch you, I
screw you.”
Yo mamma is so ugly
your mamma is so ugly, shestuck her head out the window and got arrested for moving
Big Farts
One day, Bob asked a beautiful girl out. Her name was Tammy. He
asked her if she wanted to go to the drive-in movie. She said
“sure”. Bob was really excited, so when he got home he told his
Mom and asked her if she could make him a can of beans. Bob was
in so much of a rush that he gulped down the beans, got changed,
had a shower, an hour before he had to go pick her up.
Anyway, he finally left to go pick her up. She got in the car
and away they went. They started watching the movie and Bob all
of a sudden had a terrible cramp and he needed to fart. “Shit!”
he said to himself. “I need to fart but I can’t because I’m with
a beautiful girl and, and, oh shit!”
He thought that he could just wait until the intermission to go
to the washroom. Finally it was intermission and he asked Tammy
if she would like some pop and popcorn. She said sure.
He got to the washroom, opened the door and saw a big line up.
“Fuck!” he said. I guess I’ll wait until the end of the movie.
He went back to the car and covered his stomach.
Finally, it was the end of the movie. He said to Tammy that
he’ll be right back, he has just got to go to the washroom. He
got there, opened the door and there was still a big line up.
“Damn! I guess I’ll wait until after I drop her off.”
So they’re driving home and Bob’s intestines are about to
explode. They pulled up in Tammy’s driveway and Tammy said, “Oh!
My Grandparents are here, come in and say hello.”
Bob thinks to himself, “Damn! I need to fart but I have to go
in.” So he said “Okay”. They are all sitting down at the dinner
table and Bob is about to explode. He says to himself, “I’ve
really got to fart so I’ll just let a little bit go at a time.”
Meanwhile the dog, Duke, is sitting right beside him. “Bllllght!”
Tammy’s father said “Duke!” and sat back down.
“Oh my God! They think it’s the dog!”
“Bllllght!”
Again Tammy’s father stands up and says “Duke!”
Finally, Bob lets it go really big, it’s the biggest fart you’ve
ever heard. “Blllhhhttgggghtttttttbang!”
Tammy’s father stands up and shouts “Duke! Get the hell out of
there before he shits on ya!”
La profesora de una escuela
La profesora de una escuela primaria le pidi� a sus alumnos que escribieran una redacci�n donde fuesen tratados los siguientes temas:
1. Monarqu�a.
2. Sexo.
3. Religi�n.
4. Misterio.
Como premio, quien terminara primero, podr�a salir del colegio una hora antes de la hora de salida.
Hab�an pasado solamente unos segundos cuando Pepito levant� la mano y dijo que hab�a terminado.
La profesora, sin poder creerlo, le pidi� que leyera su trabajo.
Pepito, muy orgulloso se levant� y ley� en voz muy alta:
“�SE COGIERON A LA REINA! �DIOS MIO! �QUI�N FUE?”
Surplize, surplize
Three guys, the American captain, an Australian and a Japanese guy are shipwrecked on an island.
On reaching shore, the American asks the Australian to find a good spot for a camp.
He turns to the Japanese guy and says to go into the bush and get supplies.
‘I’ll scout the island and we’ll meet at the camp at dusk,’ said the captain.
The captain returns to find the Australian has set up camp but the Japanese guy hadn’t returned.
‘Where’s that Jap with the supplies?’ said the captain.
The night passes and still there is no sign of the Jap with the supplies, so they go looking for him.
They scout the whole island but can’t find him.
Just as they are returning to camp, the Jap jumps out from behind a tree and shouts, ‘Surplize, surplize.’
After eating, do amphibians have
After eating, do amphibians have to wait one hour before getting out
of the water?
Coke machine
I understand Chicago is trying to sign Michael Irvin. They got rid of the
refrigerator, so now they want a coke machine.