When the store manager returned from lunch, he noticed his clerk’s hand was bandaged, but before he could ask about the bandage, the clerk had some very good news for him.”Guess what, sir?” the clerk said.”I finally sold that terrible, ugly suit we’ve had so long!” “Do you mean that repulsive pink-and-blue double-breasted thing?” the manager asked.”That’s the one!” That’s great!” the manager cried, “I thought we’d never get rid of that monstrosity! That had to be the ugliest suit we’ve ever had! But tell me. Why is your hand bandaged?””Oh,” the clerk replied, “after I sold the guy that suit, his guide dog bit me.”
Author: admin
Coincidence
Teacher : ” Can anybody give an example of COINCIDENCE?”
One Student : “Sir, my Mother and Father got married on the same day and at the same time.”
Submitted by curtis
Edited by calamjo, Tantilazing and yisman
Dancing Duck
A circus owner walked into a bar to see everyone crowded about a table watching a little show. On the table was an upside down pot and a duck tap dancing on it. The circus owner was so impressed that he offered to buy the duck from its owner. After some wheelin’ and dealin’ they settled for $10000 for the duck and the pot.
Three days later the circus owner runs back to the bar in anger, “Your duck is a rip-off! I put him on the pot before a whole audience and he didn’t dance a single step!”
“So?” asked the ducks former owner, “did you remember to light the candle under the pot?”
Q: How many Quality
Q: How many Quality managers does it take to change a lightbulb?A: We’ve formed a quality circle to study the problem of why lightbulbs burn out and to determine the best thing we as managers can do to enable lightbulbs to work smarter, not harder.
Class picture
A teacher had been after her pupils to bring in their 2 dollars for the class
picture.
Upset over the tardiness, one day she got up in front of the class and said,
“Class, think how much you’re going to treasure this picture 25 years from now.
You will pull it out and say, ‘There’s my friend, Julie. She’s a lawyer now.
There’s my friend Robert. He’s a doctor'”
Then a voice from the back of the room interrupted, “And there’s my teacher.
She’s dead.”
Blow Bubbles
There were these 3 ducks all swimming in a lake one sunny
morning and when a 4th duck came across he started having a
conversation with the three to make some new friends. He asked
the first duck what his name was and what he liked to do in the
pond. The first duck answered, “My name is Joe and I like to
blow bubbles.” So the fourth duck asked the second duck the same
questions. The response was, “My name is Freddy and I also like
to blow bubbles all the time in the pond.” Then he asked the 3rd
duck the same question and the answer he heard was, “Well, my
name is Bubbles.”
Put it back
What do you do in case of fallout?
Put it back in and take shorter strokes.
Submitted by Curtis
Edited by Calamjo
New invention
I came up with a new invention, a vibrating tampon.
That way a women can be at her best when she is at her worst.
Submitted by Calamjo
Edited by Curtis
Whats a priest’s favorite type of meat?…
Whats a priest’s favorite type of meat?
– NUN!
One Story Blue House
Q: There was a one story house and everything inside was blue. So what
color were the books?
A: Blue.
Q: So what color were the walls?
A: Blue.
Q: What color were the beds?
A: Blue.
Q: What color were the stairs?
A: If you say “blue,” you’re wrong! It was a one story house. It doesn’t
have any stairs.
Manolo llega a su casa
Manolo llega a su casa y encuentra a la Pilarica, su mujer, refocil�ndose con otro. Tr�mulo, amenaza:
“�Ahora mismo me tiro del quinto piso!”
“Pero, Manolo, si la casa es de una sola planta…”
“�No me importa, me tiro 4 o 5 veces y ya est�!”, grita despechado.
Professor’s Joke
A college professor always starts his class with a dirty joke. After one particularly vulgar story, all the women decide to leave the next time he starts telling a joke.
The next day the Professor comes into the class and says, “Did you hear about the shortage of whores in India?”
With that all the women got to their feet and headed toward the door.
“Wait,” cried the Professsor, “the boat doesn’t leave until tomorrow!”