Author: admin

A new priest at his first mass was so nervous he could hardly speak. After mass he asked the monsignor how he had done. The monsignor replied, “When I am worried about getting nervous on the pulpit, I put a glass of vodka next to the water glass. If I start to get nervous, I take a sip.” So the next Sunday he took the monsignor’s advice.
At the beginning of the sermon, he got nervous and took a drink. He proceeded to talk up a storm. Upon return to his office after mass, he found the following note on his door:
1. Sip the Vodka, don’t gulp.
2. There are 10 commandments, not 12.
3. There are 12 disciples, not 10.
4. Jesus was consecrated, not constipated.
5. Jacob wagered his donkey, he did not bet his ass.
6. We do not refer to Jesus Christ as the late J.C.
7. The Father, Son, and Holy Ghost are not referred to as Daddy, Junior, and Spook.
8. David slew Goliath, he did not kick the shit out of him.
9. When David was hit by a rock and knocked off his donkey, don’t say he was stoned off his ass.
10. We do not refer to the cross as the Big T!
11. When Jesus broke the bread at the Last Supper he said, “Take this and eat it, for it is my body”, he did not say, “Eat me.”
12. The Virgin Mary is not referred to as the, “Mary with the Cherry.”
13. The recommended grace before a meal is not: “Rub-A-dub-dub, thanks for the grub, yeah God.”
14. Next Sunday there will be a taffy-pulling contest at St. Peter’s, not a peter-pulling contest at St. Taffy’s.

Se encuentran 3 gallegos y uno de ellas comenta:

“Mira que mi mujer es FEA la madre que la pari�.”

A lo que uno de los otros gallegos replica:

“Que dices hombre Manolo, que Mujer FEA FEA es la m�a, la madre que la recontra pari�.”

El otro gallego no se hizo esperar y dijo:

“Que ni la tuya Manolo ni la tuya Jos� es tan FEA como la m�a, mira que la m�o es FEA FEA, co�o la madre que la recontra siete mil pari�.”

Entonces los gallegos deciden de com�n acuerdo visitar juntos cada una de las mujeres para saber qui�n es la mas FEA. Van a la casa de Jos� y Jos� grita:

“MUJER, MUJER, ven que tenemos visitas”, la mujer responde: “Voy Hombre, d�jame arreglarme un poco” y a los minutos aparece una gallega gorda, FEAAAAAAAA, con ra�ces de bigotes y una berruga en la nariz.

Al ver tan horrible imagen Manolo y Francisco dicen:

“AY MADRE QUE LOS PARIO QUE FEA QUE ES TU MUJER, ES FEA EN SERIO.”

Manolo sin salir de su asombro dice:

“Mira Jos� que tu MUJER ES FEA pero no compite con la m�a, la m�a es FEA FEA.”

Ante esto se encaminan los tres a la casas de Manolo, al llegar Manolo grita:

“MUJER, MUJER, ven que tenemos visitas, la mujer responde: “Voy Hombre, d�jame arreglarme un poco” y a los minutos aparece una gallega petisa, flaca, FEAAAAAAAA, bisca, falt�ndole dos dientes, con una boina puesta y el tabaco prendido colgando de sus labios.

Al ver tan horrible imagen �Francisco y Jos� dicen:

“AY MADRE QUE LOS PARIO, QUE FEA QUE ES TU MUJER, ES FEA FEA EN SERIO.”

Francisco horrorizado, dice:

“Mira Manolo y mira Jos� que vuestras Mujeres son FEAS, FEAS, pero la m�a le gana por varios cuerpos.”

Ante esto se encaminan los tres a la casas de Francisco, al llegar Francisco grita:

“MUJER, MUJER, ven que tenemos visitas.”

La Mujer desde el fondo de la casa grita:

“�CON CAPUCHA O SIN CAPUCHA?”

Francisco a los gritos responde:

“SIN CAPUCHA, QUE NO ES PARA COGER”