Author: admin

A wealthy old gentleman and his wife were celebrating their 35th wedding anniversary and their three grown sons joined them for dinner.

The old man was rather irritated when he discovered that none of the boys had bothered to bring a gift, and after the meal, he drew them aside.

“You’re all grown men,” he said, “and old enough to hear this. Your mother and I have never been legally married.”

“What?” gasped one of the sons. “Do you mean to say we’re all b%#tards?”

“Yes,” snapped the old man, “and cheap ones, too!”

Un t�o entra en una farmacia con un beb� de cinco meses en los brazos.

“Buenos d�as, �podr�a darme una pomadita para el culito del bebe?”

“S�, claro. �Se la envuelvo?”

“No, no hace falta, �si me lo voy a follar ah� en la esquina!”

1.)Hey would you like to send the day at the outlet mall?
2.)Oh My God!!! you got your nails done
3.)Oh no I don’t want to go to the football game. Let’s stay
home and cuddle.
4.)I don’t think you have enough shoes.
5.)I think I should get my cuticles done.
6.)Here you can have the remote.
7.)Carson Daily is SO deep.
8.)Sunday night football? I’d much rather watch Ally!!
9.)Doesn’t that shirt look so good on Eric!
10.)It’s ok with me if you date more then one guy!!!

A man with a winking problem is applying for a position as a sales representative for a large firm. The interviewer looks over his papers and says, “This is phenomenal. You’ve graduated from the best schools; your recommendations are wonderful, and your experience is unparalleled. Normally, we’d hire you without a second thought. However, a sales representative has a highly visible position, and we’re afraid that your constant winking will scare off potential customers. I’m sorry….we can’t hire you.”

“But wait,” he said. “If I take two aspirin, I’ll stop winking!”

“Really? Great! Show me!”

So the applicant reaches into his jacket pocket and begins pulling out all sorts of condoms: red condoms, blue condoms, ribbed condoms, flavored condoms; finally, at the bottom, he finds a packet of aspirin. He tears it open, swallows the pills, and stops winking.

“Well,” said the interviewer, “that’s all well and good, but this is a respectable company, and we will not have our employees womanizing all over the country!”

“Womanizing? What do you mean? I’m a happily married man!”

“Well then, how do you explain all these condoms?”

“Oh, that,” he sighed. “Have you ever walked into a pharmacy, winking, and asked for aspirin?”