A lawyer defending a man accused of burglary tried this creative defense: ‘My client merely inserted his arm into the window and removed a few trifling articles. His arm is not himself, and I fail to see how you can punish the whole individual for an offense committed by his limb.”Well put, ‘ the judge replied. ‘Using your logic, I sentence the defendant’s arm to one year’s imprisonment. He can accompany it or not, as he chooses.’The defendant smiled. With his lawyer’s assistance he detached his artificial limb, laid it on the bench, and walked out.
Author: admin
Redneck Joke
What do you call a bunch of tractors parked in front of
McDonalds on a friday night in Iowa?
********PROM********
How many recovering addicts does it take to…
How many recovering addicts does it take to screw in a light
bulb?
One, as long as he admits he’s powerless over light bulbs.
Dumb One
I once knew a blonde who sold her car for gas money.
Headache Cure
John went to Dr. Smith because of intense migraine headaches.
The doctor tried many things, but no relief. Finally, after many visits, the doc sat down and said, “You know, John, why don’t you try something unusual. Why don’t you do something that I always do when I have a headache like that. I phone my wife and tell her I’m coming home; she waits for me in the bedroom, with her blouse off, and I nestle my head between those two beautiful breasts and soon the headache disappears! You ought to try something like that–I don’t know what else to do for you. It wouldn’t hurt.”
“Well I might try something like that,” said John.
A month later, John is back in the clinic, seeing another doctor on another unrelated matter, and he and Dr. Smith pass each other in the hallway. “John!” says the doc, “Haven’t seen you in a while! How’s those headaches?”
“Great! They’re all gone! Thanks for your advice!” said John.
“Hey, that’s fantastic!” said Dr. Smith, walking on down the hallway.
“Say, Doc!” yelled John, down the hall, “Nice place you got there!”
Yo Mamma so fat…
YO mamma is so fat…she sat on the rainbow and skittles popped out!
History of Medicine
A short history of medicine demonstrating just how far the medical profession has come:
I have an earache….
* 2000 B.C. – Here, eat this root.
* 1000 A.D. – That root is heathen, say this prayer.
* 1850 A.D. – That prayer is superstition, drink this potion.
* 1940 A.D. – That potion is snake oil, swallow this pill.
* 1985 A.D. – That pill is ineffective, take this antibiotic.
* 2000 A.D. – That antibiotic is artificial. Here, eat this root!
The Blonde Steps Out
After a boring day at home, the blonde wife decides to go to the mall. After getting out of the house, she realizes that her husband doesn’t have a key because she napped the day before. Her husband comes home and there is a note on the door that reads:”Hey honey! I’ve gone out and remembered that you didn’t have a key to get it. Don’t worry, I left it under the mat for you.”
Fascinate
A teacher asks her class if anyone can use the word fascinate in a sentence.
Brian raises his hand and says, “The sky is fascinating.”
The teacher says, “No, that’s fascinating.”
Jennifer raises her hand and says, “When I saw the tigers at the zoo I was fascinated.”
The teacher says, “No, that’s fascinated.”
So finally Little Johnny raises his hand and says, “My mom bought a new blouse with 12 pearl buttons, but her boobs are so big she could only fasten eight!”
Submitted by calamjo
Edited by ���rt�� and yisman
Hormonica
Why does Bill Clinton play the saxaphone?
Because he could not find his hormonica.
Manolo se encuentra a un
Manolo se encuentra a un amigo en una plaza y le dice:
“Me he ganado 300 d�lares, en un concurso de adivinanzas, y como yo soy tan bueno para eso…”
“No me digas! Te apuesto 60 d�lares a que no me adivinas esto: �Qu� cosa comienza por ‘U’, termina en ‘O’ y siempre anda en el suelo?”
“�No s�, toma tu dinero!”
“La respuesta era: Un zapato.”
“Est� bien, pero te apuesto otros 60 d�lares a que te adivino otra.”
“Bueno: �Qu� cosa comienza con ‘D’, termina en ‘S’ y siempre anda por el suelo?”
“�Toma tu maldito dinero! �No s�!”
“Dos zapatos, jejeje. Pero mira, no me quiero aprovechar de tu inocencia, adiv�name esta y te devolver� tu dinero, si no, deber�s darme 120 d�lares.”
“De acuerdo.”
“�Qu� cosa es ovalada, tiene una clara y una yema, lo ponen las gallinas, lo comes frito en el desayuno, comienza por ‘H’ y termina en ‘O’?”
“Esta s� no me la ganas. �Tres zapatos!”
Little boy learns ab
One day, the little boy asks his father “What is Politics?” The father thinks about it and then replies “Think of it this way. I make the rules in the house so I’m the President. Your mother pays the bills and enforces the rules, so she’s the Government. The maid is the working class. Your the People, and your baby brother is the future. Now think about it and let me know tomorrow if that makes any sense.” That night the little boy wakes up to his baby brother crying. He goes into his room and sees that his brother has taken the biggest crap ever in his diaper. So he goes to his parents room where he finds his mom fast asleep. He then goes to maids’ room but it’s locked. He peeks through the keyhole and sees his dad having sex with the maid. So the little boy changes the diaper himself and goes back to bed. The next morning the little boy tells his father, “I think I figured out Politics.” The father says, “Great, let me hear it in your own words.” The boy says, “Well, the President is screwing the working class while the Government is asleep. The People have to do everything themselves and the future is in deep shit.”