Q: why did the blonde cross the road
A: to get a new brain
Author: admin
What do you call a b
What do you call a blonde with 2 brain cells? Pregnant
Poetry Contest
The National Poetry Contest had come down to two, a Yale graduate and a redneck from Texas. They were given a word, then allowed two minutes to study the word and come up with a poem that contained the word. The word they were given was “Timbuktu.”First to recite his poem was the Yale graduate. He stepped to the microphone and said:Slowly across the desert sand Trekked a lonely caravan; Men on camels, two by two,Destination Timbuktu.The crowd went crazy! No way could the redneck top that, they thought. The redneck calmly made his way to the microphone and recited:Me and Tim a huntin’ went. Met three whores in a pop up tent. They was three, and we was two, So I bucked one, and Timbuktu.The redneck won hands down!
Knock KnockWho’s there?Donna!Donna who?Donna sit
Knock KnockWho’s there?Donna!Donna who?Donna sit under an apple tree with anyone but me…!
Be Careful Wishing
A man was digging in his garden, when his shovel hit a hard object buried in the earth, which revealed itself to be an old bottle sealed with a cork. The man wrenched the cork free and, to his astonishment, there was a cloud of smoke and a clap of thunder. Standing before him was a genie.”As a reward for freeing me, I shall grant you three wishes,” said the genie, “But understand, whatever you wish for, your most hated enemy shall receive twice over.”The man’s most hated enemy happened to be his next door neighbour, Jones.”Let’s see. My first wish is…”He looked at his weather beaten bungalow, “…to live in a ten story luxury mansion.’ The genie clapped his hands and suddenly his minute shack transformed into the most beautiful house he had ever laid eyes on. He heard a cry of astonishment from next door and looked over to see Jones standing in the doorway of his new twenty story mansion.”Now I want fifty of the most beautiful women imaginable.” said the man. There was a puff of smoke and his wish was granted. He was annoyed, however, to see Jones grinning and waving, surrounded by his own harem of 100 women, all twice as attractive.”What is your final wish, Master?’ asked the genie.”I want to lose a testicle,” said the man.
I thought learning to play
I thought learning to play the bagpipes was hard, until I realized I was
just strangling an ostrich.
– Craig Stacey
And the Stork?
Two-year-old little Johnnie was being bounced up and down on his grandad’s knee when he suddenly asked, “gwandad, where do babies come fwom?”
Grandad was a bit shocked and thought a bit: he then said “why my boy, they come from the stork”.
After about two minutes litle Johnnie said “gwandad . . who fucks the stork?”
What’s the difference…
What is the difference between a lightbulb and a pregnant woman?
You can unscrew the lightbulb!
Still married
How can you tell if a redneck is married?
There is tobacco spit stains on both sides of his pickup truck.
Penis holding
An old woman in a Nursing Home looks up one day to find an elderly man looking down on her. She smiled and asked him what he wanted.
“To get straight to the point, I know we are old and can no longer pleasure in sexual activity, but I was wondering if you would help me.”
“Of course,” she smiled.
“I was wondering if we could take a wander down to the park and if your could hold my penis for a while.”
The old woman saw no harm in it,so she agreed. Since then they made it a regular occurence, and every day the 2 elderly people sat on the park bench and she held his penis.
One day,the woman went to the bench,but the man was not there. Feeling hurt, she looked around for him. To her amazement, she saw him and another woman-SHE was holding his penis!
“What does SHE have that I don’t?” She screeched.
He looked up at her and smiled.
“Parkinsons,” he replied.
Yo mama is so poor
Yo mama so poor she drives a peanut.
Buried at Sea
This elderly Newfoundland fisherman is on his deathbed and summons his 3 sons
to his bedside. “Well boys, the time is near, and when I pass I’d like to be
buried at sea.” So the boys agreed. A few days after his passing, the local
front page read, “Local Fishermen Were Shocked Today When Their Nets Brought in
Patrick McCray in a Coffin, 3 Shovels and the Bodies of His Three Sons…
Funeral arrangements haven’t yet been made, however, it is believed all wished
to be buried at sea.”