Yo Mamma is So dumb, when she takes a shit she wipes her ass with her hand and lick its
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2 dirty birds
This man is in church and hears his preacher telling about these 2 male birds he has that will hold the rosary beads and say prayers, so this man comes up to him after church and says”father I also have 2 female birds, but all they can say is “Hi where hookers wanna have some fun” .the preacher told the man to bring the 2 female birds over that night and they will place them in with the 2 male birds and try to teach the 2 female birds to pray, so that night he took the birds to the preachers house and sure enough the 2 male birds where in there cage holding the rosary beads and saying prayers, when they placed the 2 female birds in the cage they looked at the 2 male birds and went”hi where hookers wanna have some fun” ..the one male bird looks at the other male bird and said”lay the beads down Frank our prayers have been answered”
Quotes
* Personally, I think that people who say they wish they had their lives to live over again, probably shouldn’t anyway.
* Wonder why it is that people who can make fools out of themselves are such excellent craftsmen.
* People who say they’ve learned from their mistakes should have studied more for the test in the first place.
* As I reflect upon on my past, the thing I regret the most… is its length.
* The way some people find fault with every damn thing in life, you’d think there was a reward.
* Even as I age, I still consider myself a “go-getter”… of course now, I have to make two trips.
* Trust me, when humans were created, I believe there was a very good reason why the body was configured so that ya cannot pat yourself on the back.
Only a fool would leave the enjoyment of rainbows…
Only a fool would leave the enjoyment of rainbows
to the opticians. Or give the science of optics
the last word on the matter.
– Edward Abbey
JOKE
Q:What do you call an anorexic female with a yeast infection? A:A quarter-pounder with cheese.
Sleeping on the job
Things To Say If You Get Caught Sleeping At Your Desk 6. “The coffee machine is broken….” 5. “Someone must’ve put decaf in the wrong pot.” 4. “Boy, that cold medicine I took last night just won’t wear off!”
Wife
A woman who complains that she doesn’t have a thing to wear
and that there isn’t enough closet space for her clothes.
Nagging wife vs. drunk driver
A drunk is driving through the city and his car is weaving violently all over
the road. A cop pulls him over and asks, �Where have you been?�
�I’ve been to the pub�, slurs the drunk.
�Well,� says the cop, �it looks like you’ve had quite a few.�
�I did alright,� the drunk says with a smile.
�Did you know,� says the cop, standing straight and folding his arms, �that a
few intersections back, your wife fell out of your car?�
�Oh, thank heavens,� sighs the drunk. �For a minute there, I thought I’d gone
deaf.�
You might be a Republican if…
You wonder if donations to the Pentagon are tax-deductable.
If you make something idiot-proof,
If you make something idiot-proof, someone, somewhere,
will make a better idiot.
Pope Pushing Coca-Cola
The president of Coca-Cola walks into the Vatican City and asks
to see the Pope. Once in audience with the pope he says, “Father
if I gave you one million dollars, next time you lead the
prayers at mass, would you say, ‘Give us this day our daily
Coca-Cola?'” “No,” says the Pope, “I couldn’t possibly do that.”
The next day the President of Coca-Cola comes back and says,
“I’ll pay you two million dollars to say in prayer, ‘Give us
this day our daily Coca-Cola.'” The pope says, “No I couldn’t
poss…” “Three million,” the president inturupts. “No I will
not do it.” “Ok. Ok.” says the president of Coca-Cola, “But I
can’t imagine what the bakeries must be paying you.”
Sick of Her
Fred and Jim are having a quiet beer one night when Fred announces that he’s going to divorce his wife.”Good grief,” says Jim, “you and Sue are the happiest couple I know! Why on earth would you want to divorce such a lovely woman after all these years of obvious bliss?” “Well,” replies Fred, “truth be known, I’m just bored with screwing the same hole night after night after night. I guess I’m hankerin’ for a bit of variety.” Jim replied, “Well, if you want variety, why don’t you just, you know, turn her over every now and again?”Fred says, “What? And have a house full of kids?”