Author: admin

Meet Bubba’s Family!

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Hi y’all…muh name id’s Bubba and dis is muh fameily:

Furst is me… Mom said I got all the good looks and no brains. I love being a babe hound. Girls make spit roll down my chin. I have a stomach problem and fart alot.

My Mom has lots of boyfriends. One of them has a job. She says with a little luck I could be a garbage man one day.

My brother Hank is in jail right now. When he gets out he is not allowed to be around animals and kitchen appliances.

My grandmom lives with us in our trailer. Shes smells real bad. She likes to hang out in bars and drink beer. Grandma has sores all over and they leak yellow stuff on the furniture. The flies are terrible.

My mom says she is almost positive this is who my Dad is. He lives in a Federal Penitentiary in Montana. When he gets out in 55 years we are gonna go fishing. The blood stains inside my Dads truck are almost all gone!

My younger sister Jill lost all her teeth. She was licking a egg beater after mom made a cake and my cousin Jimmy turned it on by accident.

We are proud of my older brother Barney. He is only 27 and all ready in the 4th grade. He wants to be a Doctor and can write his own name!

Then there’s my half brother Jim Bob and his wife. She is a hottie. They raise Possum in their back yard. They are not allowed to have children.

My older sister Sue Ellen has 15 kids and they all look different. We depend on her welfare check to get by. She has a disease that makes her itch.

Jethro is my 1st cousin. He runs a tomato stand down by the highway. He once went 53 days without taking a bath.

Buck is my second cousin. He is pretty smart. Buck is going to be a dentist some day. He does all the work on our teeth.

My sisters boyfriend for now is Larry. He fixes lawn mowers in the city. My sister says he has a hairy butt.

Michael used to be my best friend but got killed by a bus on the interstate. I still wear his underwear.

Jake is my new friend. He holds the park record. He once jumped over 7 trailers. Jake crashed alot and talks real slow now. His doctor told him to wear a helmit.

My uncle Marky is still having problems. He doesn’t know what he wants in life anymore. He is a Veitnam War hero and now sells perfume at a department store.

My step brother Phil had a hunting accident years ago. The bullet is lodged just over his right ear. It’s hard to understand him sometimes and he always stinks like rotten cheese.

That’s the END OF MUH FAMEILY!

Punkrockers hair

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An old guy is sitting on a bus when a punk rocker gets on. The punk rocker’s hair is red, green, yellow and orange. He has feather earrings.

When he sees the old man staring at him, the punk rocker says, “What’s the matter old man? Didn’t you ever do anything wild when you were a young guy?”

The old guy says in reply, “Yeah, one time I had sex with a parrot. I thought maybe you were my kid. . . “

Submitted by Glaci
Edited by Curtis

Price Check on Tampax

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When Jane reached the checkout counter, she learned that one of her items had
no price tag. Imagine her embarrassment when the checker got on the intercom and
boomed out for all the store to hear, “Price check on Tampax, super size
please.”
As if that was not bad enough, somebody at the rear of the store
misunderstood the word “Tampax” for “thumbtacks.”
In a business-like tone, a voice boomed back over the
intercom, “Do you want the kind you push in with your thumb or the kind you
pound in with a hammer?”

Administratium

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NEW ELEMENT DISCOVEREDThe heaviest element known to science was discovered recently by physicists at the Worldwide Research Lab in Amsterdam, The Netherlands. The element, tentatively named Administratium, has no protons or electrons and thus has an atomic number of 0. However, it does have 1 neutron, 125 assistant neutrons, 75 vice neutrons, and 111 assistant vice neutrons. This gives it an atomic mass of 312. These 312 particles are held together in a nucleus by a force that involves the continuous exchange of meson-like particles called morons.Since it has no electrons, Administratium is inert. However, it can be detected chemically as it impedes every reaction it comes in contact with. According to the discoverers, a minute amount of Administratium caused one reaction to take over four days to complete, when it would normally occur in less than one second.Administratium has a normal half-life of approximately 3 years, at which time it does not actually decay, but instead, undergoes a reorganization in which assistant neutrons, vice neutrons, and assistant vice neutrons change places. Some studies have shown that the atomic weight actually increases after each reorganization.Research at other laboratories indicates that Administratium occurs naturally in the atmosphere. It tends to concentrate at certain points such as government agencies, large corporations, universities, and most organizations who employ more than 10 people. It can actually be found in the newest, best maintained buildings.Scientists point out that Administratium is known to be toxic at any level of concentration and can easily destroy any positive reactions where it is allowed to accumulate. Attempts are being made to determine how Administratium can be controlled to prevent irreversible damage, but results to date are not promising.

A little too drunk

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a guys been sitting at the bar drinking for a couple of hours and he has to take a piss. when he stands up to go to the bathroom he falls flat on his face. the bouncer runs over to help him up. hey man the bouncer says to him, your way too drunk to be in hear i gotta ask you to leave! ok ok says the drunk just help me to the door. the bouncer helps him over to the door and outside. sure enough the moment the bouncer lets go of him he falls flat on his face. help me down to the end of the block the drunk asks. the bouncer helps him to the end of the block where the drunk promptly falls flat on his face. hey the bouncer says i cant carry you all over the neighborhood i got patrons i have to take care of!! no dont worry about me answers the drunk, i only live a couple of blocks away. stay out of trouble the bouncer says as he leaves. the drunk then procedes to crawl home. when he gets home he finds that his wife is at home sleeping. this worries him because he agreed to not drink any more. he manages to get to bed without waking her and drifts off to sleep knowing no ones the wiser. the next morning his wife wakes him up and he can see she is realy pissed off. so you were at the bar last night!!! she says to him. no no honey i would never do that to you. yes you would and yes you did she says. the man can see that he is busted so he says yes honey you are right, but tell me how did you know?
the bartender called this morning she answers curtly, it seems you left your wheelchair at the bar!!!!!

Walking on Water

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Two Rabbis and a priest go fishing. When the three are out on the water,
one Rabbi says, “Oops, I left the cooler in the trunk, I’d better go get
it or we won’t be able to eat or drink.”

The rabbi proceeds to jump out of the boat and hop across the water. A few
minutes later, he comes hopping back across the lake with the cooler.

The priest sees this and shakes his head in disbelief. He thinks to
himself “Theres only one person I know who can do that and I doubt he’s a
Rabbi.”

A couple of minutes later, the other Rabbi says, “Oh no, I left my lucky
fishing hat in the car. Nobody ever catches a fish unless I have that hat
on.” He then proceeds to get out of the boat and hop across the water to
the shore. A minute later he comes hopping across the lake back into the
boat.

Now the priest is in absolute disbelief. He thinks, “Hmm, there must be
something in the water. I’m going to try this.”

The priest says, “Uh-oh, I left my keys in the car. Wouldn’t want to lose
those.” He then steps out of the boat and falls in the water. He gets out
again and once again goes *splash*.

The two rabbis look at each other and one of them says, “Do you think we
should tell him where the stepping stones are?”