Author: admin

Curious

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What happened?” asked the hospital visitor of the heavily bandaged man sitting up in bed.

“Well, I went down to Margate this weekend and decided to take a ride on the roller coaster. As we came up to the top of the highest loop, I noticed a little sign by the side of the track.

“I tried to read it but it was very small and I couldn’t make it out. I was so curious that I decided to go ’round again, but we went by so quickly that I couldn’t see what the sign said.

“By now, I was determined to read that sign so I went ’round a third time. As we reached the top, I stood up in the car to get a better view.”

“And did you manage to see what the sign said this time?” asked the visitor.

“Yes.”

“What did it say?”

“Don’t stand up in the car!”

Submitted by Tantilazing
Edited by Yisman

A Distinct Lack Of Imagination

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There was a guy riding through the desert on his camel. He had been traveling
so long that he felt the need to have sex. Obviously there were no women in the
desert so the man turned to his camel.
He tried to position himself to have sex with his camel but the camel ran
away. The man ran to catch up to the camel and got back on and started to ride
again. Soon he was feeling the urge to have sex again so once again he turned to
his camel. The camel refused by running away. So he caught up to it again and
goes on it again.
Finally after riding the camel through the whole desert the man came to a
road. There was a broken down car with three big cheated beautiful blondes
sitting in it.
He went up to them and asked the women if they needed any help.
The hottest girl said,”If you fix our car we will do anything you want.”
The man luckily knew a thing or two about cars and fixed it in a flash.
When he finished are three girls asked, “How could we ever repay you Mr.”
After thinking for a short while he replied,� Could you hold my camel?”

Thai Lady

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A businessman is vistiting the far east for a high level
business meeting and is booked into an exclusive hotel.

waiting for him is a prostitute supplied as a gift by the
company to do what ever he wants with for the evening.

he immediately throws her on the bed and starts making love,
they make love all night, however,at the point of climax the
girl always shouts “chung wah! chung wah!!chung wah!!!”at the
top of her voice…the man is a little confused by this but
carries on as she seems to be enjoying herself.

after a night of passion the man sets off for the golf course to
meet his clients. on the first tee he hits his driver but hooks
the shot far to the left , the ball landing on the 4th green.
suitably embarrassed he heads off after his ball, with his
caddie, a local boy.

as they walk his caddie starts laughing at where the ball has
landed whilst muttering “chung wah” to himself.

he turns to the caddie in anger and says ” what is it with this
“chung wah”… what the hell does it mean anyway?”

he replies

“….wrong hole, sir”

Blonde on a plane

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There was this blonde who bought a coach ticket to go to Chicago. She boards the plane and sits in the first class area. The stewardess comes over and says “ma’am your ticket says coach you must move to the coach area”. The blonde says “I’m blonde beautiful and going to Chicago”. The stewardess says “you must move to the coach area”. The blonde says “I’m blonde beautiful and going to Chicago”. The stewardess goes over and gets the head stewardess. The head stewardess comes over and says “ma’am you must move to coach.” The blonde says “I’m blonde beautiful and going to Chicago”. The stewardesses look at each other and decide to go get the captain. The captain comes over and says” ma’am your ticket says coach you must move to the coach area”. The blonde says “I’m blonde beautiful and going to Chicago”. The captain shakes his head and bends down and whispers in her ear. All of a sudden she jumps up grabs her luggage and goes over to the coach area. The stewardesses look at each other and ask the captain “What did you say to her?” The captain says ” I told her first class wasn’t going to Chicago.”

Bin Ladin

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These for people in a car were speeding at 95 miles per hour,
then 100, then 110!

they heard these sirens from behind so the went faster 112 miles
per hour, then 120 miles per hour! the coppers were still
chasing them, so they took a sidetrail and got away. The
policeman said they’ll be back.

Two hours later they found the car wrapped around a tree, but
there were only three in there now, so he went over there to
talk to them.

“Hey!, do you know how fast you were going on that freeway? well
tell me your names anyway.

the driver said “Bin Drinkin”, the other person in the front
said “Bin Smokin”, and they guy in the back said “Bin Screwin”
The policeman replied “weren’t there four of you in the car?”

“Yeah, He Ran off into the Woods somewhere hiding from you, He’s
name is Bin Ladin!”

The Little Girl And A Bird

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Once upon a time, there was a guy sunbathing in the nude. He saw a little girl coming towards him, so he covered himself with the newspaper he was reading.

The girl came up to him and asked “What do you have under the newspaper, mister?”

“A bird,” the guy replied. The little girl walked away and the guy fell asleep.

When he woke up, he was in a hospital in tremendous pain. When the Police asked him what happened, the guy replied, “Idon’t know.

I was lying on the beach, this girl asked me about my privates, and the next thing I know is I’m here.”

Police went back to the beach, found the girl, and asked her “What did you do to that naked fellow?”

After a little pause, the girl replied, “To him? Nothing. I was playing with the bird and it spit on me, so I broke its neck, cracked its eggs, and set its nest on fire.”

Whiskey no worms

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A man drinks a shot of whiskey every night before bed. After years of this the wife wants him to quit, so she gets 2 shot glasses, filling 1 with water the other with whiskey. She gets him to the table with the glasses and has his bait box there too. She says “I want you to see this.” She puts a worm in the water it swims around. She puts a worm in the whiskey and the worm dies. She says “so what do you have to say about this experiment?” He says “IF I DRINK WHISKEY I WON’T GET WORMS!”