yo mamma fell in love and broke it
Author: admin
Obese Michigan Mammas
How do you get a Michigan girl into an elevator?
Grease her hips, and throw in a Twinkie.
Cards That U Won’t Cheer
Hallmark Cards That Never Made It I’m Sorry!My tire was thumping,I thought it was flat.When I looked at the tire,I noticed your cat! Get Well SoonYou had your bladder removed,and you’re on the mend.Here’s a bouquet of flowersAnd a box of Depends. Bad HangoverYou totaled your carAnd can’t remember why.Could it have beenthat case of Bud Dry? Cheer UpHeard your wife left you,How upset you must be,But don’t fret about it,She moved in with me!
What is the difference between a blonde and…
What is the difference between a blonde and a 747?
Not everyone has been in a 747.
Children of Isreal
At Sunday school, the new teacher, finished the day’s lesson. It was now time
for the usual question period.
“Mr. Morris,” announced little Jojo, “there’s something I can’t figure out.”
“What’s that Jojo?” asked Morris.
“Well according to the Bible, the Children of Israel crossed the Red Sea,
right?”
“Right.”
“And the Children of Israel beat up the Philistines, right?”
“Er – right.”
“And the Children of Israel built the Temple, right?”
“Again, you’re right.”
“And the Children of Israel fought the Egyptians, and the Children of Israel
fought the Romans and the Children of Israel were always doing something
important, right?”
“All that is right, too,” agreed Morris. “So what’s your question?”
“What I wanna know is this,” demanded Joey. “What were all the grown-ups doing
all that time?”
Redneck quickies 17
You might be a redneck if…
You roll you hair with soup cans and wash it once a year.
You’ve never paid for a haircut.
You consider a three piece suit to be: a pair of overalls, a plaid flannel shirt and thermal underwear.
There is a sheet hanging in your closet and a gun rack hanging in your truck.
You think the Mountain Men in Deliverance were just “misunderstood”.
You’ve ever made change in the offering plate.
The fifth grade is referred to as “your senior year.”
You consider a good tan to be the back of of your neck and the left arm below the shirt sleeve…
You own at least 20 baseball hats.
You think a ‘cursor’ is someone who swears a lot.
Reason to stay at work all night
4. Sneaking in the boss’s desk could land you an unexpected promotion.
The Blonde and da Mirror
There is a legend that goes like this…. In a bar somewhere in America there is a special mirror. If you walk up to the mirror and tell it a statment that is true it grants you 1 wish. If you tell it a lie … POOF!! It eats you up.
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So one day a Blonde, Brunette and a redhead walk up to the mirror and the brunette says she will say something to it first. So off she goes…this is what she says…”I think i am the most prettiest lady in the world.” POOF!! the mirror eats her up.
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Then the redhead goes up to the mirror and says…”I think i am the sexiest woman in the world.” POOF!! the mirror eats her up.
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Then the Blonde goes up to the mirrorand says…” I think…” POOF!! the mirror eats her up.
R U Laffing???????? LOLHEHHHEHEHEHHEE
Squirrels
A little boy squirrel and a little girl squirrel were chattering and playing around when up comes a fox.
The girl squirrel dashed up a tree, but the boy squirrel stayed on the ground.
“That’s strange,” said the fox.
“Usually squirrels are afraid of me and run to the nearest tree.”
“Listen, bud,” replied the boy squirrel. “Did you ever try to climb a tree when you were in the process of making love?”
Dos chavos iban por la
Dos chavos iban por la selva, con sus mochilas de acampar y toda la cosa. Cansados de la larga caminata, se sentaron a descansar y a uno de ellos le pic� una serpiente en el miembro, por lo que comienza a gritar y a revolcarse por el suelo.
“�Qu� es lo que te pasa?”, le pregunta su compa�ero.
“�Me pic� una serpiente en el pito!, responde.
C�lmate dice el otro mientras habla por su radio: “�Auxilio! �Respondan!”
“�Qu� pasa?”, le contestan.
“Necesito que me digan los procedimientos para una picadura de serpiente”.
“Tiene que succionarle en la parte donde le mordi� la serpiente, hasta que salga todo el veneno”.
“�Qu� te dijeron?”, pregunta el aquejado.
“�Que te vas a morir!, le dice su amigo.
Bagpipes Vs Javelin
Q. How is playing the bagpipes like throwing a javelin blindfolded?
A. You don’t have to be very good to get people’s attention.
One Too Many
An Irishman has been drinking at a pub all night. The bartender finally says that the bar is closing. So the Irishman stands up to leave and falls flat on his face. He tries to stand one more time, same result. He figures he’ll crawl outside and get some fresh air and maybe that will sober him up. Once outside he stands up and falls flat on his face. So he decides to crawl the four blocks to his home and when he arrives at the door he stands up and falls flat on his face. He crawls through the door into his bedroom. When he reaches his bed he tries one more time to stand up. This time he manages to pull himself upright but he quickly falls right into bed and is sound asleep as soon as his head hits the pillow. He awakens the next morning to his wife standing over him shouting at him. ”So, you’ve been out drinking again!!” ”What makes you say that?” he asks, as he puts on an innocent face. ”The pub called, you left your wheelchair there again.”