Author: admin

A newly married Chinese couple decided to make love on their wedding night in the hotel where they held their wedding.

The wife did not want to get pregnant and requested the husband to buy a condom from the shop nearby.

When the husband went out, the wife waited anxiously in the room with all the lights switched off.

The husband had a hard time locating a shop that sold condoms, when he finally found one, he realized that he had only 20 cents.

He asks the shop owner to sell him one condom and the shop owner asked him which quality he wanted.

“The white condom, lowest quality, is 15 cents each. The black condom, average quality, is 20 cents each. And the purple condom, highest quality, is 25 cents each.”

So the husband took the black condom as he had only 20 cents with him.

While the husband was out, a black thief came into the room. The wife did not notice and thought that it was her husband.

She grabbed the thief and happily started screwing away. The wife was so exhausted that she fell asleep immediately.

When the husband reached the hotel, he found his wife sleeping.

Without a warning, he jumped onto his wife, mounted her and started screwing her vigorously.

The wife was surprised that the husband was so energetic as she thoroughly enjoyed the session.

A year later, the wife gave birth to a black baby boy.

When the baby grew up, he asked the father. “Papa, why am I black and you are white?”

The father shouted, “You are damn lucky, 5 cents more and you would have been PURPLE!”

Submitted by calamjo
Edited by Glaci and Curtis

It got crowded in heaven, so, for one day it was decided only to
accept people who had really had a bad day on the day they died. St.
Peter was standing at the pearly gates and said to the first man,
“Tell me about the day you died.”

The man said, “Oh, it was awful. I was sure my wife was having an
affair, so I came home early to catch her with him. I searched all
over the apartment but couldn’t find him anywhere. So I went out onto
the balcony, we live on the 25th floor, and found this man hanging
over the edge by his fingertips. I went inside, got a hammer, and
started hitting his hands. He fell, but landed in some bushes. So, I
got the refrigerator and pushed it over the balcony and it crushed
him. The strain of the act gave me a heart attack, and I died.”

St. Peter couldn’t deny that this was a pretty bad day, and since it
was a crime of passion, he let the man in.

He then asked the next man in line about the day he died. “Well, sir,
it was awful,” said the second man. “I was doing aerobics on the
balcony of my 26th floor apartment when I twisted my ankle and
slipped over the edge. I managed to grab the balcony of the apartment
below, but some maniac came out and started pounding on my fingers
with a hammer. Luckily I landed in some bushes. But, then the guy
dropped a refrigerator on me!”

St. Peter chuckled, let him into heaven and decided he could really
start to enjoy this job.

“Tell me about the day you died?”, he said to the third man in line.

“OK, picture this; I’m naked, hiding inside a refrigerator….”

Un hombre vende tres loras en la acera, se le aproxima otro y le pregunta: “Mire, �cuanto cobra por esta lora?”

“Mil pesos”, le responde.

“�Y por qu� tan cara?”

“Mire, esta lora habla espa�ol e ingl�s.”

“Bueno, �y la otra?”

“Ah, esa cuesta cinco mil, pues habla espa�ol, ingl�s y alem�n, canta en italiano y sabe computaci�n.”

“No, mejor d�game cuanto cuesta la m�s desplumada, desgarbada y sucia.”

“Ah, �sta vale veinte mil pesos.”

“Caramba �y esa que sabe hacer?”

“Mire, la verdad no s�, �pero las otras dos le dicen jefe!”