q:What do you call a pun thats been every where?
A: Binder Duntat
Author: admin
The first pitch!
The President and Mrs. Clinton are in the front row at a Yankee’s game. The row behind them is filed with Secret Service agents. One of them leans over and wispers something into the Presidents’s ear.
Mr. Clinton pauses then grabs Hilary by the scuff of the neck and heaves her over the railing! She falls 10 feet to the dugout, kicking and screaming obcenities.
The President shakes hands with those near him, getting “high fives”.
The Secret Service Agent leans over again and whispers, ” Mr. President, I said, –
“They want you to throw out the “FIRST PITCH!”
There was this lawyer who drove his shiny …
There was this lawyer who drove his shiny new Lexus to work one day. He parked
it right down in front of the firm where he worked to show it off to all his
lawyer buddies. As he got out, this truck side-swiped the door and ripped it
right off.The driver stopped and ran to the lawyer saying “Are you alright, are
you alright?”
The lawyer, now furious, started to scream and berate the driver. “What the
hell do you think you are doing? This is my brand new Lexus…Ya know I am a
lawyer and I am going to sue you for all you are worth!”
Then a policeman ran up to the scene and said to the lawyer, “Calm down! You
lawyers are so materialistic it’s disgusting! Don’t you know, when that truck
ripped your door off, it took your arm with it?”
The lawyer looked down and saw his left arm missing and said “Oh, God, . . .
my ROLEX!”
“A ver Jaimito, �Cu�ntos habitantes
“A ver Jaimito, �Cu�ntos habitantes hay en la tierra?”
“Cinco millones…”
“�No, hombre, no, muchos m�s!”
“Siete millones…”
“�Que no, Jaimito, muchos m�s!”
“Nueve millones…”
“�QUE NO HOMBRE, DI UNA BURRADA!”
“Pues…, ��Me cag�en tu puta madre!!”
Oven
Compact home incinerator used for the disposal of bulky
pieces of meat and poultry.
Dilberted
To be exploited and oppressed by your boss. Derived from the experiences
of Dilbert, the geek-in-hell comic strip character. “I’ve been dilberted
again. The old man revised the specs for the fourth time this week.”
It seems Miss Lewinsky recorded
It seems Miss Lewinsky recorded some of her conversations with Clinton.
In a transcript just released Bill asked Miss Lewinsky “Do you know the
difference between Lunch and Oral Sex?”
Miss Lewinsky replied “No, I don’t”.
Bill then said “Great, let’s do lunch!”
Snotty Nose
My name is Delores, and I have a Snotty Nose! All my friends tell me to grab tissue, but I say NO! I do not think that is necessary! I think my cousins best friends brothers sleeve looks much softer! so I blew and I blew and I mean I BLEW! And beleive me, I have not blown my nose for 8 years! thanx for listenin!
Q: How many baby
Q: How many baby sitters does it take to change a light bulb?A: None, They don’t make Pampers small enough.
AMAZING RESULTS OF STATISTICS
1. Ten percent of all car thieves are left-handed.
2. All polar bears are left-handed.
3. If your car is stolen, there’s a 10 percent chance it was taken by a Polar
bear.
1. 39 percent of unemployed men wear spectacles.
2. 80 percent of employed men wear spectacles.
3. Work stuffs up your eyesight.
1. All dogs are animals.
2. All cats are animals.
3. Therefore, all dogs are cats.
1. A total of 4000 cans are opened around the world every second.
2. Ten babies are conceived around the world every second.
3. Each time you open a can, you stand a 1 in 400 chance of becoming pregnant.
Llega el director de la
Llega el director de la CIA muy apurado a ver al Presidente y le dice:
“�Se�or presidente, hay que hacer algo…! Esos malditos rusos han enviado unas naves enormes a la Luna, y la est�n pintando de rojo…”
“�Ah s�…? �Cu�nto llevan pintado ya…?”
“�Como una quinta parte, se�or presidente…!”
“Est� bien. Mant�ngame informado.”
Un rato despu�s llega el director de la CIA otra vez a todo correr:
“�Se�or presidente…! �Ya llevan la mitad de la Luna pintada de rojo…!”
“Mantengamos la calma, se�or director. Mant�ngame informado de sus avances.”
Al rato, llega el director de la CIA todo desconsolado:
“�Se�or presidente: los rusos acaban de pintar TODA la Luna de rojo…!”
“�Toda?”
“�Toda!”
“Muy bien. Llame a Cabo Ca�averal y d�gales que env�en una nave cargada de pintura blanca, para que le pinten encima: Tome Coca Cola.”
Good bad & the ugly
Good: You’re pregnant.
Bad: It’s triplets.
Ugly: Your husband had a vasectomy five years ago.
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Good: Your husband is not talking to you.
Bad: He wants a divorce.
Ugly: He’s a lawyer.
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Good: Your son is finally maturing.
Bad: He’s involved with the woman next door.
Ugly: So are you.
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Good: Your son studies a lot in his room.
Bad: You find several pornographic movies hidden there.
Ugly: You’re in them.
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Good: Your husband understands fashion.
Bad: He’s a cross-dresser.
Ugly: He looks better than you.
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Good: You give “the birds and the bees” talk to your 14-year-old daughter.
Bad: She keeps interrupting.
Ugly: With corrections.
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Good: Your daughter got a new job.
Bad: As a hooker.
Ugly: Your co-workers are her best clients.
Way Ugly: She makes more money than you do!
Submitted by Calamjo
Edited by Glaci