Author: admin

A Chicago man dies and goes to hell.

When he gets there, the devil comes over to welcome him. The devil then says “sometimes it gets pretty uncomfortable down here.”

The man says, “No problem. I’m from Chicago.”

So the devil goes over to the thermostat, turns the temperature up to 100, and the humidity up to 80. He then goes back to the Chicago man to see how he’s doing. To the devil’s surprise, the man is doing just fine.

“No problem…just like Chicago in June,” the man says.

So the devil goes back over to the thermostat, and turns the temperature up to 150, and the humidity up to 90. He then goes back over to see how the Chicago man is doing.

The man is sweating a little, but overall looks comfortable.
“No problem. Just like Chicago in July,” the man says.

So now the devil goes over to the thermostat, turns the temperature up to 200, and the humidity up to 100. When he goes back to see how the man is doing, the man is sweating profusely, and has taken his shirt off. Otherwise, he seems OK.

He says, “no problem. Just like Chicago in August.”

Now the devil is really perplexed. So he goes back to the thermostat, and turns the temperature down to MINUS 150 DEGREES. Immediately, all the humidity in the air freezes up, and the whole place (meaning Hell) becomes a frigid, barren, frozen, deathly cold wasteland.

When he goes back now to see how the Chicago man is doing, he is shocked to discover the man is jumping up and down, and cheering in obvious delight. The devil immediately asks the man what’s going on.
To which the Chicago man replies…..

“THE CUBS WON THE WORLD SERIES!!!”
“THE CUBS WON THE WORLD SERIES!!!”

Three guys, a father, son, and grandfather go out to play a round of golf. As
they are on the way out to the first tee they are joking, bulls*******, and
cussing, very much the men’s day out. Just before the son is ready to tee off,
this fine looking woman walks up carrying her clubs. She says that her partner
didn’t show and asks if she can join them.

The guys say sure, since she is a really beautiful woman.

The kid kind of grumbles that now they can’t cuss and bulls*** around.

The lady turns to the three of them and says, “I don’t care what the three of
you do, and cuss, smoke, chew, spit or whatever, just don’t try to coach me on
my game.”

The guys say o.k. And ask if she would like to tee off first.

All eyes are on her ass as her skirt rides up as she bends over to place the
ball.

She then proceeds to knock the s*** out of the ball right up the middle.

She just starts pounding these guys, par every hole. They get to the 18th and
she has a 12-foot putt for par.

She turns around and says, “you guys have done a great job at not trying to
coach me on my game, I have never shot par before and I am going to ask all of
your opinions in this putt. Now if any of those opinions help me make the par I
will give each of you a blow job that you will never forget.”

The guys think what a deal. The kid walks over eyes up the putt for a couple
of minutes and finally says, “lady, aim that putt six inches to the right of the
hole, the ball will break left 12 inches from the hole and will go in the cup.”

The father walks up and says, “don’t listen to the youngster, aim 12 inches
to the right and the ball will break left 2 feet from the hole and fall in the
cup.”

The grandfather looks at the both of them in disgust, walks over picks up the
ball and says, “f*** the putt, that’s a gimme.”