There was this blonde who bought a coach ticket to go to Chicago. She boards the plane and sits in the first class area. The stewardess comes over and says “ma’am your ticket says coach you must move to the coach area”. The blonde says “I’m blonde beautiful and going to Chicago”. The stewardess says “you must move to the coach area”. The blonde says “I’m blonde beautiful and going to Chicago”. The stewardess goes over and gets the head stewardess. The head stewardess comes over and says “ma’am you must move to coach.” The blonde says “I’m blonde beautiful and going to Chicago”. The stewardesses look at each other and decide to go get the captain. The captain comes over and says” ma’am your ticket says coach you must move to the coach area”. The blonde says “I’m blonde beautiful and going to Chicago”. The captain shakes his head and bends down and whispers in her ear. All of a sudden she jumps up grabs her luggage and goes over to the coach area. The stewardesses look at each other and ask the captain “What did you say to her?” The captain says ” I told her first class wasn’t going to Chicago.”
Author: admin
Unseen
Unseen when it comes, but visible when it goes.
Blonde quickie
What do you call a brunette between two blondes?
The translator!
Were you driving?
Attorney: Were you alone in the car?
Witness: Yes.
Attorney: Were you driving?
Madeup Words
1. AQUADEXTROUS (ak wa deks’ trus) adj. Possessing the ability to turn the bathtub faucet on and off with your toes.
2. CARPERPETUATION (kar’ pur pet u a shun) n. The act, when vacuuming, of running over a string or a piece of lint at least a dozen times, reaching over and picking it up, examining it, then putting it back down to give the vacuum one more chance.
3. DISCONFECT (dis kon fekt’) v. To sterilize the piece of candy you dropped on the floor by blowing on it, assuming this will somehow ‘remove’ all the germs.
4. ELBONICS (el bon’ iks) n. The actions of two people maneuvering for one armrest in a movie theater (airplane).
5. FRUST (frust) n. The small line of debris that refuses to be swept onto the dust pan and keep backing a person across the room until he finally decides to give up and sweep it under the rug.
6. LACTOMANGULATION (lak’ to man guy lay’ shun) n. Manhandling the “open here” spout on a milk container so badly that one has to resort to the ‘illegal’ side.
7. PEPPIER (pehp ee ay’) n. The waiter at a fancy restaurant whose sole purpose seems to be walking around asking diners if they want ground pepper.
8. PHONESIA (fo nee’ zhuh) n. The affliction of dialing a phone number and forgetting whom you were calling just as they answer.
9. PUPKUS (pup’kus) n. The moist residue left on a window after a dog presses its nose to it.
10. TELECRASTINATION (tel e kras tin ay’ shun) n. The act of always letting the phone ring at least twice before you pick it up, even when you’re only six inches away.
The art of speaking
A husband had always been disdainful of people who, in his estimation, talk too much. Recently he proudly told his wife he’d heard that men use 2200 words a day, while women use 4400. The wife pondered that a moment, then concluded, ‘That’s because women have to repeat everything they say to their husbands.’ He looked up and asked, ‘Come again?’
What do you call a
What do you call a family of Mexicans standing in front of their house?
– A spicket fence.
El amante llega donde su
El amante llega donde su amada, pero ella est� en su per�odo menstrual.
“Mi amor, hoy no se va a poder estoy con ‘la mensual'”.
“�Pues te va a tocar por ‘el anual’!”, responde tajante �l.
Seeing eye dogs
Two men are walking their dogs and come to a bar. Unfortunately, the sign on the bar says, NO DOGS ALLOWED.
So the one man says to the other man, “It’s okay. We’ll just pretend they are seeing eye dogs.”
So the first man walks into the bar.
The bartender says, “Can’t you read? No dogs allowed.”
The man says, “I’m blind and this is my seeing eye dog.”
The bartender asks, “They are using Rotweilers for seeing eye dogs now?”
The first man says yes and goes on into the bar.
The second man walks into the bar.
The bartender goes, “Can’t you read? No dogs are allowed.”
The second man says, “I’m blind and this is my seeing eye dog.”
The bartender asks, incredulous, “They are using Chihuahuas now?”
The second replies, “WHAT? They gave me a CHIHUAHUA?”
Submitted by calamjo
Edited by Curtis
Bin Ladin
These for people in a car were speeding at 95 miles per hour,
then 100, then 110!
they heard these sirens from behind so the went faster 112 miles
per hour, then 120 miles per hour! the coppers were still
chasing them, so they took a sidetrail and got away. The
policeman said they’ll be back.
Two hours later they found the car wrapped around a tree, but
there were only three in there now, so he went over there to
talk to them.
“Hey!, do you know how fast you were going on that freeway? well
tell me your names anyway.
the driver said “Bin Drinkin”, the other person in the front
said “Bin Smokin”, and they guy in the back said “Bin Screwin”
The policeman replied “weren’t there four of you in the car?”
“Yeah, He Ran off into the Woods somewhere hiding from you, He’s
name is Bin Ladin!”
Why?
why did the chicken cross the football pitch?
because the referee blew for a fowl
“�Doctor, doctor! �Por qu� cada
“�Doctor, doctor! �Por qu� cada vez que me miro en el espejo se me empalma?”
“No me extra�a nada”, responde el facultativo.
Sorprendido, el paciente inquiere:
“�Oiga, no me asuste y d�gamelo ya de una maldita vez!”
“No me extra�a, con la cara de co�o que tiene usted…”