16. Only 47 different locks in the building, but 150 keys on his key ring.
15. He’s wallpapered the boiler room with old lottery tickets.
14. For some reason, counting to five often involves a journey into the double digits.
13. Uses WD-40 instead of Formula 409 when cleaning windows because “them big numbers is mighty scary.”
12. The two quarters, two dimes and “pretty rock from the parking lot” he gave you as change for a dollar.
11. When told to provide two roles of toilet paper for all five bathroom stalls asks how many toilets that would be.
10. Despite lowering his trousers, can’t seem to count past 21.
9. Take-home pay per week: $300. Price of keeping his kids in Nikes per week: $400.
8. Somehow thought he’d be getting more from his divorce settlement with Rosanne.
7. Says he enjoyed Wrestlemania X so much, he can’t wait for Wrestlemania Y.
6. Thinks “circumference” is a Jewish ritual and “denominator” a Schwarzenegger movie.
5. His greatest math accomplishment? Formulated “Vern’s Theorem” — E=TP squared (Everyone loves an extra roll of toilet paper!)
4. His “Liquid Plumber” requires precisely one 6-pack and a 30-minute wait.
3. Couldn’t remember so he had “2 parts water, 1 part Spic ‘N’ Span” tattooed on his forearm.
2. His “miracle cleaner”? 40% Mr. Clean and 90% water.
1. He tries to measure Minnie Driver’s head with anything less than a yardstick.