Yours Fun Portal !
AIDS= Anal Induced Death Sentence
What is the first sign of AIDS?
That constant pounding in your asshole.
A man went to the doctor and got diagnosed with AIDS. He asked
the doctor if there was any cure. The doctor replied, “I want
you to go home, have a big bowl a chili with tabasco sause and
then eat 5 red peppers”. The man asked “Will that cure my
AIDS?”. The doctor replied, “No, but it will teach you what
your asshole is used for”.
Q.Whats the difference between a egg and a want?
A. You cant beat a wank!
A man is flying in a hot air balloon and realizes he is lost. He reduces
height and spots a man down below. He lowers the balloon further and shouts:
“Excuse me, can you tell me where I am?”
The man below says: “Yes, you’re in a hot air balloon, hovering 30 feet above
this field.”
You must be an engineer” says the balloonist.
“I am” replies the man. “How did you know.”
“Well,” say the balloonist, “everything you have told me is technically
correct, but it’s no use to anyone.”
The man below says, “You must be in management.”
“I am” replies the balloonist, “but how did you know?”
“Well,” says the man, “you don’t know where you are, or where you’re going,
but you expect me to be able to help. You’re in the same position you were
before we met, but now it’s my fault.”
jhrjhgjdhfirutiyuifyhuh4uryhuyheurryhueeyruwytiwywutry no jghytidnmkkotjikujihhjhrj7
A pastor went out one Saturday to visit his church members. At one house, it was obvious that someone was home, but nobody came to the door even though the pastor knocked several times. Finally, the pastor took out his card, wrote “Revelation 3:20” on the back of it, and stuck it in the door.
* Revelation 3:20 — Behold, I stand at the door and knock. If anyone hears my voice and opens the door, I will come in to him and dine with him, and he with me.
The next day, the card turned up in the collection plate. Below the pastor’s message was the notation “Genesis 3:10”
* Genesis 3:10 — I heard your voice in the garden, and I was afraid because I was naked; and I hid myself.
You’re so fat, the last time you went on a bus, the ticket read ”Please allow
up to 28 days for delivery”
Why do blonde girls have black and blue spots around their belly button?Blonde Boys are dumb too.
Father Murphy goes into a local bar in Dublin and approaches the first man he
sees. “Do you want to go to Heaven?” he asks and the man says, “Indeed I do,
Father.” “Then for God’s sake,” commands the priest, “leave this pub right now.”
He then goes to the next man, “Do you want to go to Heaven, my son?” And the man
answers, “Yes Father, indeed I want to do that very thing.” “Then ye must get
out of this pub right now!” orders the priest.
Father Murphy continues this throughout the pub until he comes to the last
man. “Do you want to go to Heaven, man?!” exhorts the priest. The man looks at
his half-full beer, turns, looks at Father Murphy and says, “No, I don�t,
Father.” “You mean to tell me, young man, that when you die, you don’t want to
go to Heaven?” asks the priest incredulously. “Oh, well, when I die, yes Father,
I certainly do. I thought you were getting a group together to go right now!”
The next time someone says “Fuck you”, reply by saying “Promise?”
Politicians!
They’ll piss on your foot and tell you its raining!
Acute: Opposite of an uglyArtery: The study of paintingsBacteria: Back door of a cafeteriaBarium: What doctors do to dead patientsBenign: What you are after you’re eight.Bowel: Letter like A,E,I,O, or UCat scan: Searching for a kittyCauterize: Made eye contact with herCesarean Section: Neighborhood in RomeColic: A sheep dog
A mother, father and young son are visiting the circus. The elephants walk out into the circus ring and the little boy says to his mother, “What’s that?”
“That’s the elephant’s tail,” she replies.
“No, under the tail,” says the youngster.
The mother is clearly embarrassed and says, “Oh, nothing.”
The boy turns to his father and repeats the same question. His father looks and says, “That’s the elephant’s penis, son.”
“So, why did mum say it was nothing?” asks the boy.
The father draws himself up to his full height and says, “Son, I’ve spoiled that woman.”