Q: How do you fit 100 jews in a car?
A: 2 in the front, 3 in the back, 95 in the ash tray.
Author: admin
Riddle
Q: How do you know when it’s time to wash dishes and clean the house? A: Look inside your pants; if you have a penis, it’s not time.
Karma
It was time for Bill Gates to make the transition from his earthly home.
St. Peter agreed to be his guide.
Since Bill had been such an important person on earth, St. Peter decided to allow him to make a choice between Heaven and Hell.
So Bill was first escorted to a tour of Hell, it was not at all what he expected.
It was actually a pleasant spot, with good food, wine, and music, entertainment, beautiful women an all around very fine place.
St. Peter and Bill then toured Heaven; again Bill was surprised it was a stark and dreary place, very simple and pastoral with only very basic amenities.
Bill was not impressed, and so he chose Hell as his preferred destination.
A few weeks later, St Peter paid a visit to Hell to check in on Bill.
Bill was extremely unhappy, tied up to a post with flames all around him, burning, hungry, and scared.
He called out to St. Peter, “Hey, this is not what I expected! What went wrong? How could I have made such a mistake?”
St. Peter listened patiently and then replied, “Bill, I’m sorry about the misunderstanding, but what you first saw was only a demo!”
Submitted by curtis
Edited by calamjo and Tantilazing
noel
Why is noel named noel if there is an L in noel?
Niagra falls
yo mama’s so fat, she has to use the niagra falls as her shower!
Roadkill again?
Q: How many rednecks does it take to eat a possum?
A: Three. One to eat it and two to watch for cars.
Wanna Tie?
A man was crawling across the Desert dying of thirst, when a camel raced up and stopped, and an Arab jumped down opened a suitcase and said, “Would you like to buy a tie?” “No” said the man, “I need water, do you have water?” “No” said the Arab, “but I do have a wonderful selection of ties.” “I don’t want a tie !, I want water!” the man protested. The Arab rode off, and the unfortunate man continued crawling across the hot sand until he came to a beautiful Hotel. He crawled up the steps, crying “Water! Water!”The Manager approached him and said, “I’m sorry Sir, you can’t come in here without a Tie !!”
Knock KnockWho’s there?Dali!Dali who?Dali’ve me
Knock KnockWho’s there?Dali!Dali who?Dali’ve me alone!
Lord, what’s a man?
One day in the Garden of Eden, Eve calls out to God.
“Lord, I have a problem!”
“What’s the problem, Eve?”
“Lord, I know you created me and provided this beautiful garden and all of these wonderful animals and that hilarious comedic snake, but I’m just not happy.”
“Why is that, Eve?” came the reply from above.
“Lord, I am lonely, and I’m sick to death of apples.”
“Well Eve, in that case, I have a solution. I shall create a man for you.”
“What’s a man, Lord?”
“Man will be a flawed creature, with many bad traits. He’ll lie, cheat and be vainglorious; all in all, he’ll give you a hard time.
But… he’ll be bigger, faster, and will like to hunt and kill things. He will look silly when he’s aroused, but since you’ve been complaining, I’ll create him in such a way that he will satisfy your physical needs.
He will be witless and will revel in childish things like fighting and kicking a ball about. He won’t be too smart, so he’ll also need your advice to think properly.”
“Sounds great!” says Eve, with an ironically raised eyebrow.
What’s the catch, Lord?”
“Well… you can have him on one condition.”
“What’s that, Lord?”
“As I said, he’ll be proud, arrogant, and self-admiring…
So you’ll have to let him believe that I made him first.
Just remember, it’s our little secret…
You know, woman to woman.”
Why do “slow down” and “slow up” mean the…
Why do “slow down” and “slow up” mean the same thing?
yo mama
yo mama was so stupid when she came in the house smelling bad,
she goes i better take a bath before the fire alarme goes off!!
Va uno de San Sebasti�n
Va uno de San Sebasti�n por la autopista adelantando a todo el mundo con su coche reci�n comprado en la feria de Donosti, cuando, de repente, nota que se ha pinchado un neum�tico. Se echa a un lado y se baja.
“�Aiba la hostia! �D�nde cojones estar� aqu� el puto gato y la puta rueda de repuesto?”
Mientras mascullaba, se para uno de Bilbao que hab�a adelantado:
“�Joder! �La hostia! �Guiputxi ten�as que ser! �No sabes que estos coches modernos no tienen ni gato ni rueda de repuesto?”
“�Aiba la hostia! �Y c�mo se arregla esto, pues?”
“S�lo tienes que soplar fuerte por el tubo de escape y se vuelve a inflar la rueda”.
El bilba�no se monta en el coche y se aleja muri�ndose de risa.
Mientras, el de San Sebasti�n est� sopla que sopla al coche.
“�Aiba la hostia, que no se infla! A ver si lo estoy haciendo mal”.
Ya estaba casi extenuado cuando se para otro de San Sebasti�n:
“Oye, patxi, �qu� haces?”
“Mira t� que he pinchado y ha parado uno de Bilbao que me ha dicho que en estos coches de ahora, soplando por el tubo de escape infla la rueda”.
El otro se empieza a re�r y le dice:
“�Aiba la hostia, mira que eres gilipollas: tienes las ventanillas bajadas!”