How come they don’t let the little black kids play in the sandbox?
Cause the kittys keep trying to bury them.
Author: admin
Polak Signal Lights
An English guy is driving with a Polish guy as his passenger, when he decides to pull over because he suspect that his turn signal may not be working.
He asks the Polish guy if he doesn’t mind stepping out of the car to check the lights while he tests them. The Polish guy steps out and stands in front of the car.
The English guy turns on the turn signal and asks, “Is it working?”
To which the Polish guy responds, “Yes, it’s working….No, it’s not working….Yes, it’s working….No, it’s not working….”
Hypothetically vs Realistically
One day a boy comes home from school and says, “dad I need to know the meaning of hypothetically and realistically for school.” so the father replies, “go ask your mother if she would sleep with a man for 1 million dollars.” so the little boy goes and asks and sure enough she says yes. his dad says ok now go ask your sister if she would sleep with a man for a million dollars. so he does and sure enough she says yes. so the father says, you see son hypothetically we are sitting on 2 million dollars but realistically we are living with a couple of whores.”
That’s not fair!
Sven and Ole worked together and were both laid off, so off they went to the unemployment office.
When asked his occupation, Sven looked the lady in the eye and said “Panty stitcher. I sew the elastic onto cotton panties.”
The clerk looked up panty stitcher. Finding it classed as unskilled labor, she gave him $300 a week unemployment pay.
Then Ole goes in and sits down with the lady.
She asked Ole his occupation. “Diesel fitter”, he replied.
Since diesel fitters was a skilled job the clerk gave the Ole $600 a week.
When Sven found out he was furious. He stormed back in to find out why his friend and co-worker, Ole, was collecting double his unemployment pay.
The clerk explained: “When I looked it up, panty-stitchers were unskilled laborers and diesel fitters were skilled laborers.”
Skill!…”What skill?” yelled Sven.
“I sew the elastic on…
He pulls on it and says,…..”Yep, diesel fitter”.
The Millionaire’s Driver
Millionaire: What’s your name, driver?
Driver: Alfred, sir.
Millionaire: I always call my drivers by their last names.
Driver: It’s Sweetheart, sir.
Millionaire: Drive on, Alfred.
Shark Attack
Why won’t sharks attack lawyers?
Professional courtesy.
Snaksssssssssssssoowww
A snake asked a fellow snake one day: Hey ssssssssteven! Do ou thinksssss we issssss poinessssssss???? Why do yousss asssssk ssssssssssssven??????/ Cousssssss i jussst bit mysss toung!!!!!
Airline food
The nice thing about airlines’ in-flight meals is that there’s no confusion about the quality of the food.
The best and the worst tastes exactly the same.
The Top 16 Interesting Movie Triple Features
16> Dazed and Confused/About Last Night/Dude, Where’s My Car?
15> Roots/To Die For/Legally Blonde
14> Gridlock’d/Something’s Gotta Give/The Human Stain
13> My Dinner With Andre/Whatever Happened to Baby Jane?/There’s a Girl in My Soup
12> Marathon Man/My Left Foot/The Color Purple
11> The Sure Thing/In the Bedroom/Gone in 60 Seconds
10> The American President/Devil in a Blue Dress/Say Anything
9> The American President/Clear and Present Danger/Liar, Liar
8> The Incredibly Strange Creatures Who Stopped Living and Became Mixed-Up Zombies!!?/The Persecution and Assassination of Jean-Paul Marat as Performed by the Inmates of the Asylum of Charenton Under the Direction of the Marquis de Sade/Breathless
7> The Rock/The Paper Chase/Edward Scissorhands
6> Blow/The Producers/A Star Is Born
5> A Night at the Opera/Rear Window/The Great Escape
4> What Women Want/Big/Pecker
3> Bob & Carol & Ted & Alice/Alice Doesn’t Live Here Anymore/What About Bob?
2> Nuts/M*A*S*H/The Howling
1> She’s Having a Baby/Stand and Deliver/Scream
[ The Top 5 List www.topfive.com ] [ Copyright 2004 by Chris White ]
Why did the condom fly across the road?
Why did the condom fly across the road?
-It was pissed off!!
Dog drink
how do you make a dog drink?
put it in a blender
Three indians
There was these three indians who each were going to hunt for the first time. So the first indian goes off into the horizon and comes back with a rabbit. The others are amazed and ask “how did you catch that rabbit”, the indian replies “me go hunting, me follow tracks, me catch rabbit”. The next day the 2nd indian goes off and give it a try and comes back with a buffalo, the others are astouned by this and ask “how did you catch that buffalo”, and he simply replies,”me go hunt, me follow tracks, me catch buffalo” so the third indian thinks he has what it takes and gives it a try the next day and comes back all fucked up, the others a laughing so hard at him that they wet themselves and ask “how the hell did you get all fucked up like that” and he replies “me go hunt, me follow track, me get hit by train”.